I am.
If I realized I wasn’t alone in the dark, I’d be scared shitless.
Certainly the SDMB is no place for it.
–falls over dead–
I was so sure the surprise was going to be:
And then Jesus said, “Seriously dude? Shit, sorry man. I was busy throwing these starfish back into the water.”
Okay, that was fucking brilliant.
One of the strange things about faith is that it can explain anything, in the most ridiculous fashion.
I can verify that. I was with him at the time.
I remember an alternate version:
Daniel
A minor comment on my previous comment. I wasn’t talking about the Lord. I was simply saying that when things are darkest, sometimes we don’t realize that we have people around us who care.
I had the same experience, walking along the beach with God, reviewing my life, lookin’ at our footprints side by side, until I came to the point where there was just one set of footprints in the sand. That, of course, was the point where I started carrying God… and did I get a single word of thanks?
mm
Pfft. Non-falsifiable. Get it out of GD.
Bullshit Jesus! I wanted to move on…We had 6 clicks to cover before sunuo. But there you were, putting your feet uo, taking it easy. Fricking typical! Jesus, do you want to take this hill or not? I just can’t do eveything around here anymore. Smell ya later… Jesues. JEEEZ.
Oh, those Discordians…
I like David Cross’s version. It ends something like this (paraphrased from memory): "….and then God said, 'It was at this time…
that I was helping some of the other 5 billion people in the world, you selfish fuck!’
Just had to pipe in that this post gave me a much needed and rare LOL. 
Whenever I see this poem I get a mental image of Jesus doing that thing where you drop slightly behind the person you are walking beside, time a foot nudge at their trailing leg so that on the forward swing it hits their other leg making them stumble. Ha-ha very funny Jesus. What an ass.
Damn, that was funny!!!
hopesperson, I just wanted to say that I laughed and knew right away that your post was sarcastic…
I prefer this (anonymous) version:[spoiler]One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some strange prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?”
Those prints are large and round and neat,
“But Lord, they are too big for feet.”
“My child,” He said in somber tones,
“For miles I carried you along.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.”
“You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.”
“Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”[/spoiler]