Police Blotter

Post some exerpts from your local Police Blotter. Here are a few from mine (any emphasis mine):


Well, they had to charge him with something!

White van, eh? :dubious: ‘Ya wanna buy this vacuum cleaner? There was an error at the warehouse…’

A common theme in our local police blotter is that something is reported, the cops go out, and they report that they couldn’t find the suspects or the car or the animal or whatever. They never find anything. But this time they couldn’t even find the victims:

Yet again a poor refuge from the intergalactic space-time war is ridiculed when she seeks assistance. When all she needs to defeat the Chaos Emperor is the sacred doodad that fell onto earth eons ago. Hopefully she’ll seredipitously run into some just fired waiter/snowboarder can help her and maybe fall in love :frowning:

This might be cheating, but a local paper has an annual “Best of the Blotter” section. Some winners from 2009:

[ul][li]A noise complaint was reported on Pin Oak Drive. Police responded and found a 50th anniversary party. The seniors were advised to turn down the Frank Sinatra music.[/li][li]Police were called to Amherston Drive to assist a woman who was itchy.[/li][li]An officer stopped a vehicle that was weaving on Clinton Street. The driver, an Alden woman, was showing signs of intoxication. She had to be told numerous times to put down her cell phone, as she kept initiating calls and ignoring the officer. When asked how much she had to drink, she replied, “one gallon of wine” and noted her left leg was sore from bowling and could affect her ability to perform field sobriety tests. [/li][li]A Kaymar Drive resident said he was outside yelling because the Buffalo Bills lost and the neighbor from across the street came over and punched him in the face.[/li][li]A suspicious person was reported outside a Transit Road business trying to sell edible underwear. [/li][li]A Depew woman reported she fell asleep watching television and awoke to a man touching her arm and face. She thought it was her boyfriend, but when she opened her eyes, she said she found a strange man who smelled of beer.[/li][li]Police responded to an accident on Northwood Avenue, where a car had run over a metal sign. The suspect was located on a nearby street and admitted he had been drinking. After failing his third field sobriety test, the suspect said, “Let’s just call it a day.”[/ul][/li][/quote]

The police blotter for Arcata, CA is famously weird. Arcata itself is pretty weird - from time to time, the place seems overrun with dope-smoking, bongo-playing hippies.

There’s lots to peruse at: Police Log | The Arcata Eye

Some recent samples:

And now for something completely different…reports from local animal control:

One more:

San Francisco Examiner, March 29, 2010:

Why, exactly, an incident on the 13th is listed for the 29th is just one of the mysteries of the Barbary Coast…

Monday, March 22

8:17 a.m. — An employee at Evergreen Elementary reported someone defecated in a tube slide over the weekend.

Not a direct quote, because I don’t have the paper with me anymore, but a couple of weeks ago I was on campus at BYU and noticed an entry in the Police Blotter section.

The police blotter in the alternative weekly is always much funnier than the one in the staid daily. From the most recent:

On March 15, a man called the cops and told them someone had beat him up and taken his car. The man said he had stopped to help someone on the side of the road only to be jumped and have his car stolen in the process. Unfortunately for the man, officers figured out that the so-called victim wasn’t jumped or robbed, but rather had fled earlier that night when his (stolen) car was being towed. The guy got locked up and is probably trying to make up a story so as to not get jumped while in his cell. Hope it turns out better than this doozy.

On March 22, an officer driving on the interstate saw a car with paper tags going at least 20 mph over the speed limit. When the officer pulled the car over and asked the driver for his license, the driver didn’t have one. The officer then asked if the driver had anything illegal in his car, to which the man said “no.” The man gave permission for the cop to search his car, at which point the cop found cocaine sprinkled around the front seat. The driver admitted to the cocaine but said he’d never tried it until that day right before he started driving. The man was arrested.

It’s pretty quiet up here. Most of the police reports are:

Drug violations, usually marijuana;
People on one side or the other of the border trying to get to the other side;
Drunk driving;
Domestic violence;
Teenage kids being teenage kids.

Oh, we have the state’s largest university, IIRC the world’s largest basic training base, state government, and 12.6% unemployment. We have awesome crime.

More from Arcata


Fun with livestock:

Such unusual words…

Slithy toves were active in the area of Irene Street, trying multiple car doorhandles with the usual success.

The enormous white bus out on westernmost Eighth Street was reported “sticking out in traffic” and posing a hazard to passing vehicles. Police didn’t see where it was obstructing the roadway, but did try to get in touch with the blindingly white Brobdingnagian blight.

A howly-growly lass made a spectacle at a 13th Street marketplace, then wandered into G Street traffic, almost getting car-whammed, miraculously surviving to appear next at a nearby video store and creating a similar kerfuffle there. She was arrested on public schnockerdness charges.

Nothing cute or funny, unfortunately.

A motorcyclist in my town was seriously injured when he hit a mattress on a local freeway. And a person living in my town was shot and killed by a police officer in the next town over, where we used to live and still go to church. Around the corner from my old house, as a matter of fact. Apparently the guy had been passing counterfeit currency, and decided to take off when the police stopped him. He was dragging the cop, who shot and killed him. First case of an officer shooting a civilian in thirty years.

I seem to attract that sort of thing - the first shooting of a civilian by a police officer in my city’s history happened to my next door neighbor a while after we moved in.


I don’t know what’s more entertaining, the actual details of what’s happened or the writer’s style.

Band name: Brazen Bonnet Squattage

We also some have funny police reports. I read them just for a laugh… :wink:

Police Log

A [redacted] grandmother was arraigned on charges relating her third OUI offense after allegedly drinking before deciding to drive her grandson to his elementary school Thursday, March 18.

Odd you would say that. I find the writer’s style clumsy. find the embellishments expecially annoying. Police Blotters read better with a straight face. Brazen bonnet squattage sounds like something written by a highschooler trying, poorly, to mimic Python.

In the big city I live in the police stories tend to be massively awful, but I found this gem in the police blotter of my hometown paper this week:

“Theft, 4300 block of Buffalo gap Road, Thusday: A victim was buying four computers from the suspect, who gave the victim four wooden computers.”