"Politely" dealing with others when buying a home

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, my wife and I are thinking about upgrading our home (more space, room for another kid if we decide to have one, more yard for the kids to play in, good schools, etc). As such we’ve been browsing zillow and looking. Eventually we found a few we were interested in, but DEAR ZEUS have we run into some frustrations. So I was wondering if there were polite ways to cut through some of the BS involved, or if this is a grin and bear it situation.

First, we realize realtors want to know we’re somewhat serious, so we got a preapproval. Actually, we got several so we could compare rates. I dunno what it is with financial institutions and wanting to tell me how kind and friendly and fast they are. It’s a business transaction. You need to know my financial info, and I want to know your rate and closing costs. I don’t want to hear some endless droning on about how I can have a relationship with the lender. In fact, I had a (paraphrased) conversation like so yesterday:

Him: So, we’ve got all the documentation we need!
Me: Great, so could you let me know the rate you guys offer on a 15 year note?
Him: Well, we’re glad to be of service and hope we can have a great relationship!
Me: Ok, but about the -
Him: And we try to do everything really fast so you’re never left waiting!
Me: Yes, what’s the rate?
Him: And we’re so glad to work with you and get this resolved!
Me: Are you going to tell me the rate or not?
Him: Well, you know it fluctuates, can go up or down, depends on a lot of things -
Me: I know it’s not set in stone, can you give me a range?
Him: Well, mid threes to high fours, but that is dependent on other things and really -
Me: Could you give me an actual number? “Mid threes” doesn’t mean much.
Him: Well, I’m glad we could get you something so fast as we continue our lending relationship
Me: TELL ME THE FRIGGEN NUMBER ALREADY!

(In that case, the number was a half-point higher than all the other lenders I’ve talked to, so maybe he knew that and was hoping I would stop asking)

Is there a way to politely say “Look, I don’t want to tell you my life story, I definitely don’t want to hear your life story, I want to give you the documentation and numbers you need, and get a pre-approval with estimated rate and closing costs” so I’m not spending 20 minutes going around the bush with these guys? Incidentally I had no problems with the lender for my current mortgage - gave him the info and had a quote in < 5 minutes.

The others are dealing with realtors.

  1. When going to an open-house, is it normal to decline filling in sign-in sheet? If I’m interested in the house I’m happy contacting the realtor on my own, but I don’t really want to get on their mailing list for houses I don’t care about.

  2. Can I decline getting a “search” without pissing them off? Every time I see a realtor, it’s because I found A house I want to look at. No, I do not want to get alerts for similar houses. No, I do not want to you look for houses I might be interested in. No, I don’t want a custom search set up on your site. I want to look at this specific house and THAT’S IT!

  3. How long do I need to look at a house before just saying we aren’t interested? Like, we looked at one house, it was ok… until I started walking down the basement stairs and the musky smell of mildew hit me. I knew right then there was zero chance of buying that house. But the realtor was really excited to show off all the features of the basement, have you looked at all the bedrooms upstairs, you could remodel this thing without too much trouble, oh, we haven’t seen the garage yet… I mean, I realize they had to drive out there and it’s probably annoying to drive 20 minutes and have someone say “this is not for us” after 3 minutes, but would realtors actually prefer that?
    Sorry for getting a bit ranty. Really, I’m trying to be nice but parts of the process are just getting frustrating. You’re a lender, just give me the numbers. You’re a realtor, just show me the house. Or am I being histrionic and unpleasant here, and should just smile and nod through the time-wasting?

2

  1. The sign in sheet is for commission. They don’t want some other agent to claim that they brought you in. If you have an agent (buyer’s agent) put down the buyer’s agent’s name. At least, that is what my agent told me to do.

  2. The agent is trying to become your agent. If they search for you and you wind up buying it, they get half the commission. Say no unless you want that agent as your agent.

  3. I have no idea. I like looking at the whole house even if I know I’m not going to buy because there could be interesting tidbits for future reference.
    You might consider finding an independent buyer’s agent. That will clear up #1 and #2 straightaway. It doesn’t cost you money directly, the buyer’s agent gets half the commission from the seller. Which reinforces #1. If you don’t show you have a buyer’s agent, then the seller’s agent gets ALL the commission, which obviously they would like.

3

My wife and I own our apartment (in New York City), but have been looking at houses lately. We’re semi-serious, meaning we’re OK where we are, but if we found the right house we’d buy it right away. So, based on my recent experience with New York brokers (who are a special bunch, and somewhat less evil than pimps and hedge fund managers, but not much), here are my answers to your questions:

We always do. If we’re interested, and want to talk more to the brokers, we’ll call them. Not the other way around.

You can decline anything you want.

You don’t have to look at anything for one minute longer than you want to. You’re saving your own time, and not wasting the broker’s time. Why would anyone be unhappy with that?

No, you’re absolutely right. Seems to me that it’s in everyone’s best interests to get business done as quickly as possible. I think that when brokers get all friendly and chatty, it’s because they’re going to try to upsell you or talk you into exceeding your budget. It’s a waste of time. Do you want to have a ten-minute conversation every time you get a cup of coffee? Do you want to be the cashier’s best friend? No, of course not. Why should real estate transactions be any different?

4

I think you got the obnoxious lender pegged. But if someone is not giving you a straight answer, it is okay to walk. There are plenty of lenders out there.

You will be getting mail from realtors. The one we used to buy our house, 19 years ago, is retired and not local, but we get mail from tons of others anyhow. It is interesting to glance at real prices. And if we ever want to sell it is good to see who has hustle.
I don’t think I understand why you are so dead set against a realtor looking for you, in addition to you looking for yourself. I bought one house in the town where I was living and another across the country, and both cases worked out fine. You certainly don’t have to visit a house that is proposed if it doesn’t meet your requirements. And sometimes someone in the business has inside knowledge which could be helpful.

5

For the lenders, just give them the figures and request the quote. Ignore everything else.If they waste too much time, say “Never mind” and hang up.

Who cares if it’s normal? If you don’t want to be on their mailing list, don’t fill in the sheet.

See above. Who cares if they are pissed off? Say “No thanks”. If they pressure you, ignore them. If they won’t show you the house, you probably don’t want to deal with that realtor.

As soon as you know you aren’t interested, tell the realtor and leave.

No, the realtors would prefer that you change your mind and buy the house.

Driving out and showing the house is what realtors do. You are under no moral obligation (IMO) to waste any of your time looking at a house you don’t want. If the realtor doesn’t want to drive for any distance unless she makes a sale, she isn’t going to be a realtor for long.

It’s a business transaction. It isn’t rude to say No in a business transaction.

Regards,
Shodan

6

We had a buyer’s agent the first time around. Let say between the low signal-to-noise ratio, the amount of “well, I don’t you said you weren’t interested in X, but what about…” and the fact that we would be happy staying if we don’t find something we like and don’t want an agent hounding us for a few months to buy, we’re doing this one without a buyer’s agent.

7

Stop worrying about being polite. This is one of the largest financial transactions you will ever make and you have a right to know every goddamned detail and make every minute decision according to your own needs, wants and desires.

As I say (and repeat all the time on this board);

Professionals work for you.
If they don’t work for you,
Find another.

This guy isn’t working out for you and you should feel no shame, remorse, regret, sadness in walking out the door and finding someone who does work for you.

And no, there’s no reason to feel bad about showing up at a house, taking one look at it and walking away. You’re buying a house you want to live in. If you arrive at a showing and determine at any point that you’re not interested, then thank the agent and walk away.

8

Firing an agent who won’t take direction is perfectly appropriate. And can be done politely. If the agent didn’t listen to me about what houses to look at, how can I be confident she’d listen to me during the negotiations?

9

Exactly. Fired my first real estate agent when she kept showing me houses priced between $72k and 90K when my max budget was $65k (back in 1990). Her excuse for repeatedly not listening to me was “But you can negotiate them down!” (Not 20k on a 90k house I can’t!)

Found my own house, the one I bought, the very next weekend. For $65k.

10

Lenders and Realtors don’t treat me this way and for the very simple reason, that I come prepared and I’m no nonsense. I don’t ask them the rates, I know the rates before I get the application. If they start talking about something I’m not interested in I say, “That’s not a concern, what I care about is…”. or “I don’t care about that…”.

I’m not rude, but if you are going to sit there, smile and nod trying to be their friend and not speak up they are going to run their sales lines on you. As for signing up for something, they want to know you are legit and not robbing the place too. It’s a security issue besides the commission. Also, if someone was showing my house, I’d want to know if people were really there and not just what the Realtor said. Having them sign in is a good idea. It also helps reduce the number of nosey neighbors from taking up time and space cruising your home when there are serious buyers.

11

Why can’t you negotiate them down? They have a list price of $81K, and you make a written offer for $62K. You don’t even talk or meet the owners. The Realtor handles everything else. This paper goes back and forth. The Realtor was trying to help you. Sounds like you talked yourself out of getting a nicer home for less value.

12

Yes, there is no problem switching agents even with the same brokerage house. One was wasting our time, so I called back their office and asked them to give us another agent. The office balked at this saying something about commission. So I said “I see, we certainly don’t want to cause a problem for your office. I’ll just contact another broker”. She said “Oh, no, don’t do that. Let me see what I can do.” She came back in a couple of minutes with another agent.

I don’t know why people are intimidated by Realtors. I had no signed agreement with them, I would easily have found another broker in 5-10 minutes.

13

Because it’s a waste of time trying to negotiate $25k off a $90k house. No seller is going to accept that kind of a haircut, so why even look at the house to begin with?

14

You can leave anytime you want and they can get over it, you are not a prisoner.

If you are talking about a buyer’s agent they may want you to look at features because they want to get a better idea of what you want so they can refine their house search for you.

If you mean the Seller agent, it is because their job is to SELL YOU on the house.

15

There’s generally no point to not getting your own realtor - the commission on a house is paid by the seller in most places, and its split between the realtors. If you have your own realtor they can play bad cop in some of those instances, and also give you somewhat better advice - keeping in mind that their goal is to get you to buy a house, too, but not necessarily THAT house. I’ve bought a condo and a house, and both times the biggest advantage of having my own realtor is help with the paperwork, setting up appointments with selling agents, etc. In the current online environment, its easy for a buyer to find houses, but there’s a lot of stuff that needs to be done.

16

Not necessarily. Realtors tend to push the stock that’s been in their portfolio for too long (usually for a good reason), regardless of your wishes. Others are just commission hungry and don’t care about what you want. Our last realtor was pretty good, but as soon as she started showing us stuff that was clearly NOT what we asked her to look for, we jerked her chain pretty hard.

17

Realtors don’t make a cent until they close a sale. If they thought they were wasting their time with you making offers they wouldn’t bother with it. Asking price means nothing. Many times a home is listed too high because the seller is delusional about the market, and it takes a realistic legit written offer to snap them back to reality. There is no waste of time for you, the Realtor does the work and it doesn’t stop you from looking at other homes.

18

Don’t be polite. You’ll never deal with these people again.

You do not have to insult people, but it’s perfectly reasonable to let people know when they are not doing what you are asking them to do.

Him: So, we’ve got all the documentation we need!
Me: Great, so could you let me know the rate you guys offer on a 15 year note?
Him: Well, we’re glad to be of service and hope we can have a great relationship!
Me: I did not ask about your service. [long pause]

If he doesn’t tell you the rate in his next sentence, then do not bother trying to give him another chance to earn your business. It’s human nature to try and say something like “If you can’t tell me the rate I will no longer be your customer.” Just leave. Don’t waste your time dealing with inadequate people.

How long have you been working and saving up to buy this house? Too fucking long for it to be screwed up by bunch of sad losers.

19

I sell commercial real estate not houses but re houses it’s true that a seller willing to take 20K hit on a 90K house is going to be pretty unusual unless the house has serious issues or is wildly over priced. The lower the prices points go normally, the more activity there will be at those lower price points as there are more buyers there numerically. A normal 90K range seller might consider a few thousand wiggle room but not (normally) a lot more if the house is in decent shape and priced to market.

So yes, you would usually be completely wasting your time to put 70K offers on decent, correctly priced 90K houses. The agent’s hope here is that you will become emotionally attached to the house and stretch to the negotiated price, or in some cases they know the seller is under stress to sell and will take a deal but in those situations there’s also often something weird about the house.

20

For some reason, this really hit home.

Thanks for the advice, all.