Here’s the situation in a nutshell- Moved into a nothing special ranch house in 1984 on 5 acres. Over the next 15 years acquired 19 adjacent acres and put an addition on the house. Also acquired 3 kids in the usual manner. I really like the house and the location, but I can’t say it’s my ultimate dream home.
Got divorced 3 years ago. Ex got the land and I got the original house and 5 acres in the settlement. Ex built his new house on the adjacent land, so now he (and his new wife and her kid) are my next door neighbors. This is the country, so it’s not like I look into their bedrooms from my kitchen window or anything, but it’s fairly creepy. I see him go in and out of his driveway, ride a bike by the house, etc. on a regular basis. He’s a big control freak, and I’ve always thought that one reason he built where he did was to keep tabs on me.
Right now I feel like I’d move in a heart beat if I found just the right home, but I’m not going to go through the effort of moving for anything short of that.
Last weekend, I saw a house for sale that looked great. It didn’t work out, but in the process I came into contact with a realtor, and I guess you could say that I’m now her client. She and her hyper-aggressive boss are going to assess my house tonight, and she already has several properties she’s ready to show me.
If you’ve stuck with this rambling this long - here’s the question: Does looking at these houses start an avalanche which will be near impossible to untangle if I don’t, in fact, find the right house right now? Should I nip this in the bud until I’m 100% sure I will move no matter what? How difficult will it be to stay in “just looking” mode when an aggressive real estate smells blood in the water?
DON’T SIGN ANYTHING. That’s the key. You are perfectly free to walk away from anything the agent says, does, or wants to do, as long as you don’t sign anything. She might want an offer on a house, she might want a listing contract on your house, she might want a promise of a commission or earnest money – but you have no obligations if you don’t sign anything.
Now, on the other hand, the longer you go on letting her think you’re a serious buyer, and the more work you let her do without emphasizing that you’re not committed to buying a house yet, the more right she has to get angry when she finds out. But she’s kidding herself a little, or trying to bully you a little, or she wouldn’t be doing all that work without a contract.
If she flies off the handle, remind her that you’re not an experienced home buyer, and you didn’t know how much activity is normal for an agent trying to land a client. She’s got to expect that MOST will get away.
Yes, look and look some more, but I’ll second the “don’t sign anything” line of thought. Looking can get you educated and up to date on what is available out there, what prices are, and what’s a good deal and what is bad. Buying the first house you see puts you at a disadvantage.
I don’t see why you need a realtor though. I would look around by yourself, get an idea of what you want and what you are willing to pay. Open houses rock, just when you think you saw your dream home, a couple weeks later you see another. Your realtors are pushy because they would prefer not to deal with an informed consumer.
It’s all cool. Anyone who is doing anything for you, in the hope of making a dollar, is one of your employees. So make them do their job properly - tell them what you are looking for in precise terms and let them know when they get it wrong. “Didn’t I say two bathrooms?”, “That place isn’t fully fenced.” , “Fuck off this is a flood plain.” Be pleasant but make them work for their commission.
By the way I think you have the ex pegged, he could have lived anywhere.
If it was me and I was not 100% sure that I wanted to move I would look on my own. Searching for a new house easily can consume weekends. Be prepared for the pressure to sign up.
You do want to buy, you want to buy the right house, not any house. Write down your requirements in a house, and show it to your realtor. Tell her that you’re in no hurry, and you only want to see houses at least close to your requirements. If she shows you what she wants to sell, get a new realtor. I’ve bought locally at my leisure, and during a move, where we had to buy, and buying locally is a lot less stressful.
Going to open houses is fine, but going with a realtor lets you do it on your schedule. It might also let you look at houses which have been on the market for a while, which will be easier to make a good deal on. You might also be able to see the house as it really is. When we looked here, it was amazing what lousy shape some of the house we went through were in. Rooms filled with trash, holes in the walls, just awful. Maybe these looked good for their open houses, but you’d have to wonder what they were really like structurally.
Also, find out about the purchase process. Do you need to get a lawyer in your state. And I agree, don’t sign anything! (But no one should ask you to.)
Before my husband and I bought our house, we went to an open house on a lark. The realtor was very helpful and not pushy (and more importantly, not rude – seeing as there was no way we could afford the house we looked at).
This woman was heaven sent. We contacted her with our specifications, and she showed us houses that she found and that I found doing online research (and the ones she found were always better). We hit a bad patch and were unable to do the whole “house thing” at that time.
When we were ready a year later, she again helped us find the perfect house for us. I never ever felt pressured by her, we never had to sign anything (though we were not selling a house, just buying) for her, and she always called the realtor listing the house to give feedback.
After my husband nearly fell through the floor of a second story bathroom, she breathed fire at the listing agent for not issuing any warnings.
So a great agent will be on your side and never make you feel pressured (unless they are trying to let you know that someone else is also bidding on the house o’ your dreams). She also informed us on issues we didn’t know much about.
So don’t sign anything, and you might go to a few open houses on your own and see if you click better with another agent.
That ‘blood in the water’ metaphor is a apt one - that’s been my experience each and every time we’ve bought or sold a home. The only thing I have to add to all the other good advice is this: do your homework and look all you want - it’s part of the process and a good agent won’t try and make you feel guilty about it. But if the agent you are talking to is already making you feel pressured and worried, find another one and don’t look back.
Oh, and what everybody else said. Don’t sign anything.
I second not signing anything, especially if it gives your agent “exclusive representation” where you could be bound to pay this person even if they don’t find you the house you (may) ultimately buy.
Tell him/her upfront that you are just looking around and not 100% serious and maybe you will contact then should you find anything or vice versa. This way, both of you are clear on the relationship.
Does this mean that you have in fact already signed something?
It is obvious from your OP that you are feeling pushed by this realtor and her hyper agressive boss. There is no harm at all in LOOKING at houses if you are not ready to buy this instant, but you shouldn’t feel like things are moving too fast for you, which is the impression I get from your OP. It also isn’t fair to the realtor if you haven’t communicated this clearly.
If at this point you are in the “just looking” mode, well no harm in that. My wife and I have been “just looking” since we moved into this house eight years ago. We don’t especially want or need to move but we like to keep tabs on what is available out there. Going to open houses has worked well for us. When a realtor follows up with phone calls offering to show us other houses we make it quite clear we are just looking at this time and they always back off…unless times are really tough for them they prefer to spend their time and energy on clients who are really motivated to buy. No harm, no foul, it’s just business.
One thing to keep in mind is that unless you sign an agreement with a realtor to represent you as a “buyer’s broker,” a relatively new concept in some areas, the realtor always represents the seller, and he/she/they only get paid by the SELLER from the sales commission (which might be split several ways, depending on who listed it, who showed it, who brought in the contract, etc.). Their incentive is to sell you a house, which might or might not be in your best interests. And the more time you spend with them, the more pressured you will feel to do business with them.
As has been suggested, why not just read the classified ads and go to open houses on weekends? A lot of people do that just to get decorating ideas for their own homes. Another approach might be to decide which particular area or neighborhood you would like to live in, and then keep posted on houses there as they become available.
But to repeat what everybody else has said, don’t sign anything. Any contract will always commit you to paying for something. And don’t list your house for sale as an experiment, just to see what you could get. Once the realtor brings you a ready buyer you owe a commission, even if you don’t go through with the deal.
Unless you really like her or you have signed something dump the realtor who thinks you are her client and her hyper-aggressive boss.
Until you are pretty sure you want to move I would look around by yourself. In my opinion the best way to find a good realtor is to ask your friends and family who they used or liked.
Thank you everyone for the great advice. I resolutely refused to sign anything. Right now they are cool with that.
The best news is the boss wasn’t pushy at all. She was much less aggressive that the first person I spoke to (who talked about listing my house in her first breath). The boss looked at the house and in 5 minutes told me:
Great location, great house, it will sell in a minute so don’t think about listing it until I’ve found a house I like. (The cynic in me thinks she’s just as happy to wait till the market picks up as at the end of the line she’ll make more in a seller’s market than a buyer’s).
She told me what she thought it would go for, and told me that most listing prices are “pie-in-the-sky” and totally unrealistic.
Paint the front porch.
Clean the garage and basement
We talked for a long time about what I’m looking for, and ended up that she’ll email me addresses of houses she thinks fit the bill, I’ll drive by them, and if they seem nice we’ll arrainge to look at them.
The thing that struck me is that she demonstrated no interest in the stuff I thought would be huge black marks against the house -the old mossy roof, the pitted gravel driveway, and the questionable septic system.
And so will you. This is good advice - having your house on the market is very disruptive, and this lets you concentrate on looking for a new one without the pressure of three offers on yours.
We get swamped with fliers from realtors giving listing prices and sales prices. In our neighborhood they are pretty close, so you should check out what the situation is in yours.
More good advice. When we sold ours, I had scheduled a few months off before starting on my next job, funded by a very nice buyout from my last one. We painted, and we decluttered our house by renting a storage area and moving all the excess books, toys, stuffed animals, coloring books, etc. to it. The house looked great, and sold the day of the open house. Realtors in our area used us as an example of how to sell a house. In fact, when we were having trouble with they buyer, our realtor told their agent that he could sell it in a day again if he wanted to, and they quickly came around. I’m now convinced that doing this kind of stuff has a very great return on investment, both in money and stress reduction. We were not looking forward to keeping the house clean for weeks, and we didn’t have to. That was worth a lot.