Oh, that wasn’t a long rambling explanation. That was a mere 465 words. You need to get into tens of thousands to compete in the droning narrative Olympics.
We bowl with some people like this. They have a constant stream-of-consciouness verbal overflow going and do not ever listen to anything anyone else has to say. If you try to interject, they speak over you, or ignore you and keep going. Circumstances say we have to spend a few hours a week with them, and just put up with it. I amuse myself by saying random nonsensical things to see if they notice. They never notice.
My neighbor, a nice guy, has a tape recorder embedded somewhere in his chest area. He has a whole box of tapes concealed somewhere on his person that he can access at will. I know this because his stories never vary, even by one word. They are long, pointless and meandering, but they are identical every time he tells them. And most of them are about pharmacy school. Oh! The wacky times had there! He usually can’t stay away for more than a week without coming over to “update” us on whatever he’s been up to, including the back stories for all of his little tales. He’s like a real-life Abe Simpson. And nothing, but nothing, derails him. Interrupt him and he hits ‘pause’, while his eyes do a sort of jittery dance, and when you’re done, he hits ‘play’ and picks up exactly where he left off.
Someday I’m going to find those tapes yes I am and when i do i’ma gonna burn them burn them so bright precious until its allapileofmeltedgoo…
Sometimes you just have to open your biggest bag of offensive and salt that shit up good, because no matter how you say it you’re still gonna be an asshole.
