Political phone call rant

The BBQ Pit
1

While I’m showering this morning, the phone rings, and the machine takes the call. The voice is similar to that of the stereotypical evangelist, and my skeptical filter ratchets up a few notches. He goes on to explain how my help is needed on election day to keep a good, honest man in office who will fight the moral depravity going on around us. Damn. I missed another instance of moral depravity? I was probably getting my fair share off the internet anyway, but I digress. Then he launches into the real deal-the recent consideration in New Jersey being extended to gays, and how this can’t be allowed to happen in my state, how it’s evil and must be eradicated, and how it’s gonna cause breakdown of the family unit, society in general, and make the baby Jesus wet himself, which is why I’ve gotta vote for Shlub McPutz on the 7th.

*Whoa, Nellie. Let’s review that line of logic, if you wish to so abuse the word. I’ve gotta keep your guy in office to protect my state from the evil, bad, New Jersey gay folks? I can see it now, legions of lascivious lesbians, marching across the Calhoun Street Bridge, their strap-on dildos seductively swaying, followed by a battalion of leather-clad gay men, all holding hands while singing Johnny Mathis music. Oy.

I don’t get the eradication angle, either. There are lots of things which hold no appeal for and likewise do not injure me: liver with onions, Yoko Ono music, and yappy little rat-dogs being a few examples, but other folks enjoy, so who in the fuck am I, or anyone else to deny them right to indulge therein? What was that phrase about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness…?

This will breakdown the family unit how, exactly? In the many years I’ve known gay, bi, and lesbian people, never ever has one of them annoyed me by sending saccharine emails indicative that their choice is one which I should follow. They’ve never invited me to Bring a Friend night at the Gaydome, nor have two GLBT people ever rung my goddamn doorbell at an obscenely early hour to ask me how secure I am in my sexuality. My gay friends are just that-FRIENDS, but my religious friends (and total strangers) presume it’s their God-given right to annoy the living shit out of me with their entreaties.

Reviewing the above, it’s clear. BZZT! Gay wins, 3-0 so I’m not gonna vote your stupid, narrow-minded bigoted ass in for another term, because fucksticks like you have no business crafting laws.*

2

Johnny Mathis?

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What has she written that you consider fits into the category of music?

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Did you return the phone call?

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The only thing wrong with the recent telemarketing bill that was passed is that they made some exceptions to it.

6

Indeed.

7

I thought of instead saying ‘rap music’ but that’s another contradiction in terms.

8

No. I prefer not to start my day with a dose of stupid. :wink:

9

You should post the number here so we can do it for you :wink:

10

Wow, this reminds me, it has been weeks since congressman Tom Reynolds has had his girlfriend call me and offer to whisk me off to DC for some national business conference. Only a $500 donation for an invitation. Never mind that hes not running for office in my state, let alone this half of the US, but he wants ME to be there.

I guess the last time she called and I asked what color panties she was wearing they finally decided I was not going to donate.

11

I wonder how many phone lines they have…

can anyone say denial of service :smiley: :wink:

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Heh, better yet. We should all assemble a group of questions that will keep someone on the phone for at least 5-10min, then donate a dollar.

13

We do have a rule about not doing that sort of thing. No matter HOW justified it is.

14

Awesome alliterative allusion (and, need it be said, band name!)

The De-Lovely Brigade?

The night is young and the guys are queer
And if you want to go walkin’, dear
It’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s de-lovely

[/QUOTE]

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Oh-Li-Oh! oh-OH-oh! Oh-Li-Oh! oh-OH-oh!

“I’ll get you my pretties! And your up-tight genitalia too…!” cackle :smiley:
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sorry. Halloween made me do it…

16

I was kidding.

Apologies for any feathers I may have ruffled.

17

I’m not ruffled. I just wanted to head off any potential problems. It’s an understandable impulse, and joke, and all that, I just don’t want to have to clean up any mess from someone who took you at your word, not knowing that it is a rule. If I came across as snappish, I didn’t mean to.

18

Nah, I took your post as pretty much tongue-in-cheek, as mine was. I just apologised in case I was misreading.

19

You poor thing.

Someone must have figured out we’re Dems here because I get all the good political calls. I had lots of fun the other day with a pollster who was clearly calling from the Menendez senate campaign. We chatted away about the awfulness of the Rep candidate for a full twenty minutes.

Political phone calls and blood donation people are the only telemarketers who get spared my “you suck and quick hang-up” routine.

20

Oh my God, you must not be getting the computer-generated ones. They’re an abomination, a visitation from the deepest circle of Hell.

I get at least one, and sometimes more, every day. They’re placed by the campaign of one Peter Roskam, candidate for Congress in my district, and invariably begin, “I’m calling with information about Tammy Duckworth”, his opponent.

They know that half the people will slam down the phone at that point, left with only one association in their mind: Tammy Duckworth is a bitch for placing that call.

But of course, the call isn’t from Duckworth, it’s about Duckworth–about how she wants to let in a bunch of Mexicans or some such shit. So if you’re dumb enough to actually listen to the call, you’ll know that it isn’t from Duckworth, but you’ll still think she’s evil. They have two chances to win.

I voted for Duckworth, and believe me, it isn’t easy to get me to vote for a liberal Democrat. In fact, under ordinary circumstances, it’s well-nigh impossible. But the Roskam motherfuckers did it.