1) Do you have a good relationship with your dad?
Sorta kinda? We do holidays together about 50% of the time, and dinner maybe once a month.
**
a) How do you feel about that? (Do you care, does it bother you?)**
I think it can’t be avoided. Some people are just too similar. When they are both, for lack of a better term, alpha males…you just have to sort of mark out your own territories before killing each other. I like him in small doses and I suspect he feels the same about me. It bothers me a little that I’ll never have a close relationship with him like I see on TV and shit, that seems like it might be kind of neat. But he’s not that kind of dad, and when it gets down to it, I’m not that kind of son. Nothing for it, I suppose.
b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom?
No, but then I don’t know that my mother is capable of relationships in the traditional sense of the word.
Sort of, much better now than when I was younger. But he’s definitely not the “dad” type. He very much has his own life and just fits me in when convenient.
If no, then:
a) It does bother me, I wish it was different. My parents divorced when I was 5 and I always had ill feelings towards him about it. Now that I’m older and have seen things myself and understand better that he’s just a person those have subsided. That coupled with his “I have my own life” mantra have made it kind of difficult.
b) Yes, although there are issues there too.
Well, I hope you’re not busy for the rest of the morning, because this could take a while. My relationship with my father was, ummm, complex. On the one hand, he knew that I was being sexually abused by a man who rented a room from my parents, and never did anything to stop it. On the other hand, the reason he didn’t stop it is because he was terrified of my mother, and living by her rules, and she had her own reasons for not wanting the abuse to stop. On the other hand, he did introduce me to books, and gave me a love of reading that has lasted my whole life, and often transcended those terible childhood times. Also, a wicked funny sense of humor. And, once he got sober, he was very smart, in a laid-back, Zen-like way. I have often harbored hatred for him, for allowing the stuff he allowed. But on a very superficial level, we got along very well, and I was very sad when he died.
My mother, well, what can I say. She was controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive, and most likely bipolar. She had her moments of being a good mother, but we were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And, of course, it was ultimately her idea to not put an end to the abuse. I have harbored even more hatred for her. But I also loved her. However, when she died, 17years ago, I went through a very rough emotional patch because I felt guilty that I didn’t feel worse about her death than I did.
Was that more than you ever wanted to know about me?
1) Do you have a good relationship with your dad?
No. He made my life hell from the time I was little until the day I left. Physically and verbally abusive. The day after I graduated high school, I was on a plane 1400 miles away.
**
a) How do you feel about that? (Do you care, does it bother you?)**
I don’t think about it too much. I have my issues, and there’s a lot under the surface, but I’m not going to let it affect my life anymore.
b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom?
No. She’s a manipulative alcoholic who couldn’t care less about me, so I return the favor.
My Dad was my best friend. Because of divorce, my sister and I only got to stay with him one month in the summer each year. But he was always “Dad” and a major part of our lives, even when separated by 2,500 miles.
After high school I went to college several hours from where he was. We could hang out together fishing, or having a few drinks, or watching Discovery Channel, etc. He was a kind man with a little boy sense of humor. He was very smart (a surgeon) yet totally down to earth. When I got lonely at college, he was a great listener. He let me drive his Mustang GT convertable 5.0 when I was in town; even let me borrow it for an out-of town trip. (And when I crunched the fender he didn’t get too upset about it). He was musically gifted (played organ at the church and bassoon in the community orchestra), and helped me to develop a love for classical music. He provided a shoulder to lean on when I was going through a extremely difficult breakup. And good, practical advice.
He died a few years ago. I regret that he never was able to meet the girl who eventally became my wife. I regret a lot of things and this is difficult for me sometimes.
Do you have a good relationship with your dad? No not really - I put up with him - we both annoy the hell out of each other.
If no, then:
a) How do you feel about that? (Do you care, does it bother you?) - Well it bothers me that he’s such an idiot, and yes, I wish I had a better father (and grandfather for my baby).
b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom? - Yes, absolutely. I love her and have more respect for her, although I don’t always agree with her.
I think I have a great relationship with my father. He was best man at both of my weddings and I can’t think of anybody I’d rather have stand up there with me.
I’ve always said that I’d die happy if somebody told me that I was just like my father.
No, this isn’t some strange Oedipal* thing.
-B
yes, I know, but I’m not googling for a proper classical reference on this…
2) If no, then:
a) How do you feel about that? (Do you care, does it bother you?)
His jerkiness bothered me until I cut him off fifteen years ago. I am much happier without his influence in my life. The only time I think about him is when these “talk about your father” threads appear.
b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom?
1) Do you have a good relationship with your dad?
Pretty good, although we don’t talk much. He has always been somewhat quiet and stand-offish. I laughed when I read someone’s response that their father never said “I love you.” I think I’d faint if he ever said that to me, although I know he does.
I have a better relationship with my mother, as we seem to have more to talk about.
No. He died in 2000 and considered me some sort of outer-space alien for most of my life. Same for my married brother. He had a better relationship with the other bro, but only because they naturally shared a lot of lines of thought… not because Dad ever made an effort to understand those points where their thoughts differed.
a) I used to feel very bad about it. Actually, if I hadn’t felt so guilty about it, I probably wouldn’t have gone back home when he was diagnosed with cancer (and spent 2 years in Hell helping Mom care for him; 2 years where it didn’t matter if I’d arrived from work at 7am, I was still supposed to get out of bed at 8am so he’d have fresh muffins). Shortly before his death I realized that I had done as much as I possibly could and he was simply not interested in anything but “yes” and impossible perfection from any of his children. Other people were allowed to disagree with him or have defects: we were not, but it was not our fault. In 32, 27 and 25 years of being our father; 3 college graduations (all 3 in less time than our peers) and 1 wedding, he never congratulated us except on Birthdays, Christmas and New Year. No, he did not congratulate my brother at his wedding :smack: ! That’s not my brother’s fault… :rolleyes:
b) Now I do. My brothers and me have spent a lot of these years re-educating her, getting her to stand on her own two feet but also to respect us and treat us like adults. Which we happen to be. The first year was extremely painful; she deals guilt with a panache to make the Guild of Mediterranean Mothers proud. But resisting her manipulations and forcing her to speak with us and listen to us has paid up.
3) Female.
Our relationship is much better now that I’m out of the house. I always knew he loved me, but he was the stricter parent, with a frightning temper, and he was far too controlling.
We can relate more as adults; we talk about a lot of serious stuff but he will never understand my interests or agree with my politics.
I’ve always had a better relationship with my mother. She was a stay-at-home-mom, so she taught me a lot. She has a great sense of humor, and she doesn’t judge me as much as Dad so I can talk more freely with her.
Well, the abusive rat-bastard motherfucker died in 2000, after years of subjecting my Mom and me to emotional and mental anguish. Oh, and he also doled out the physical kind once in a while.
So, to answer your question - no.
2a. Not really. I’m happy, successful, in a great relationship, and have a bunch of friends who would lie down in traffic for me. My mom thinks that I should see a shrink just to make sure I have no latent repressed issues that might manifest down the road, but I’m not really comfortable with the idea.
2b. I have a better relationship with my Mom, although sometimes it’s really tested. I think there’s baggage involved.
You know, there’s no tactful way to put this, really. I’m sorry that some of you have had rotten fathers too, and have been subjected to a lot of their bullshit for years, but it feels better to know that I’m not alone in it. I’ve known all these people who had Andy Griffith for their dads, and felt envious. Oh well, it’s not like I didn’t take away anything from the experience - he taught me what kind of man not to be.
My relationship with my father is ok. I know he loves me and he’ll do whatever he can to make me happy (including offering to drive my car halfway across the country when I move in a couple months so I don’t have to!), but we’re just not close. We do get together to go to movies or hockey games once in a while which is fun, but we don’t really talk and hear each other.
I do regret that we’re not closer, but it’s just that our personalities are such that we don’t have all that much to talk about.
I’m very close to my mother. She’s one of my best friends and we talk all the time about everything. The only problem is that when she and Dad have “issues” she tells me about them which doesn’t improve my relationship with my father. I know I should tell her to stop, but she doesn’t have many other outlets so I let her vent to me. And try not to get angry with Dad for completely not listening to her or understanding her point of view.
I get on really well with my dad, but he’s a very easy man to get on with.
In the 2 weeks before I got married, when I was home with my folks, my dad and I spent several nights staying up late, sharing a bottle of wine and talking about anything that came to us. Mum would start with us, but can only handle so much waffle, so it usually ended up just the two of us.
I’m probably more open and honest with my mother (some things a dad just doesn’t need or want to hear about his daughter) but I’m very close to both of them.
My relationship with my father was, ummm, complex. On the one hand, he knew that I was being sexually abused by a man who rented a room from my parents, and never did anything to stop it. On the other hand, the reason he didn’t stop it is because he was terrified of my mother, and living by her rules, and she had her own reasons for not wanting the abuse to stop. On the other hand, he did introduce me to books, and gave me a love of reading that has lasted my whole life, and often transcended those terible childhood times. Also, a wicked funny sense of humor. And, once he got sober, he was very smart, in a laid-back, Zen-like way. I have often harbored hatred for him, for allowing the stuff he allowed. But on a very superficial level, we got along very well, and I was very sad when he died.