It’s not only prostate cancer. If you have benign prostate hyperplasia (BPH) and are facing an operation on your prostate so that you can pee, you are also facing the possibility of impotence. My father let this go for 10 years, starting in his 60’s, to the point where he sometimes had to be catheterized, because he didn’t want to become “less of a man.” Once he ad the operation with no ill effects, he mentally kicked himself for a while.
I have been fortunate so far, but I did have a cancer scare a couple of years ago, thanks to those inconclusive tests that doctors use, and was facing this possibility. I had a biopsy which was conclusively negative, and that’s as far as it went. But there was no question in my mind that I would choose life over sex, if it came down to it. I’ve had some innings, after all.
Diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer at 50. I had a robotic prostatectomy and haven’t had a natural erection, even with Viagra etc., ever since (2+years). Penile injections or a pump can get it done, with varying results.
All that said, life with no sex at all would be much preferred to death. Not even close. My wife agrees.
That is why I’m having as much sex now as I can get in preparation for the years when I’ll be more or less impotent or totally undesirable to any member of the opposite sex that I find attractive. So I say build up those memories while you can and choose life without sex if there is no other choice.
In the issue of prostate cancer, there are so many options other than die or give up sex forever. Some prostate cancers grow so slowly that surgical treatment is not recommended. If there are side effects to a surgery, then it’s really premature to assume the assume the worst.
Even in the event that the results are absolute worst-case, the penis is not the only sexual organ. I get enough pleasure just going down on a woman that I’d be pretty happy even if I couldn’t move on to penis-in-vagina sex. I’d be frustrated, probably, but if I chose to die over everything in my life that I find hopeless and frustrating, I’d already be dead.
I know men that have had their prostate removed after being diagnosed with prostate cancer and have had a full recovery without any limitation on urination or sexual performance.
I also know men diagnosed with prostate cancer that have chosen to go with the monitoring and radiation therapy at some point further down the line. More men die with prostate cancer than from it.
I already don’t get erections, and have a satisfying sex life. Sex includes so many options that you’d have to be in a coma to not have any kind of sex. Death, on the other hand, is total and irreversible.
What is the OP’s current age and how long before dying?
I’m 60 YO and have an active sex life. I wouldn’t want to give it up unless I was going to die soon otherwise. Now if I was 80 YO and didn’t have much of a sex life, I’d opt for surgery.
OP here: I’m 52 and I have long lived family on both sides, so prostate cancer definitely has time to kill me. The argument that most men don’t need treatment because most prostate cancer grows slowly applies to men 10-20 years older than me, which is when most instances of prostate cancer are diagnosed.
I don’t know that I’d choose death over no sex, but it’s an awfully depressing situation. I’m newly divorced (well, legally separated, but we won’t reconcile and I prefer that) so it’s doubly depressing finding myself newly single and likely to stay that way, since “no sex” is kind of a deal breaker for a lot of people. Hell, it’s partly what broke up my marriage which hadn’t been intimate for years, so it’s triply depressing, if you’ll permit me to be shallow: my chance to make up for lost time stops before it starts.
FWIW, I had a biospsy three weeks ago, which was conclusively inconclusive, so I get to do it again in three months and live under this uncertainly cloud all summer. My PSA is 8, which puts me at 56% likely to have cancer (and yes, 44% likely to not have it, so I’ll seek comfort in that in the interim).
I’m in my 60s and don’t want sex anymore. Old-person sex is repulsive to even we old persons. I broke-off my last relationship last year. Romantic love is a cheap imitation of the real love I feel toward my sons and grandson and others close to me. I used to like sex a lot. I also used to like playing sports. I play about as badly as I fuck, now, and I have more interesting and rewarding pursuits at this stage of my life. Trix are for kids.
"FWIW, I had a biospsy three weeks ago, which was conclusively inconclusive, so I get to do it again in three months and live under this uncertainly cloud all summer. My PSA is 8, which puts me at 56% likely to have cancer (and yes, 44% likely to not have it, so I’ll seek comfort in that in the interim). "
Why are they making you wait three months in between biopsies? That sounds horrible. All that anticipatory anxiety
My dad had prostate cancer in his 60’s ( in the 1970s). They did an experimental procedure where they implanted radioactive pellets around the prostate. He did not die of cancer.
They have to wait for my prostate to heal from the previous biopsy. There’s a huge risk of infection from the procedure. It’s quite hard on you in other ways; afterwards you,
!!!TMI!!!TMI!!!TMI!!!TMI!!!ejaculate blood, for the next 3-4 weeks. Ew.
Squeegee, that really wasn’t TMI–maybe since I am female. We are used to blood and when we give birth, blood drips afterwards for days, as well as after certain surgeries. Where else is the blood going to go? Hang in there and don’t worry too much. It doesn’t have to end with no sex or no life.
On the other hand, I do know a couple that met post-prostate surgery, married, and had a presumably sexless marriage for 15 years that worked for them. No sex does add another complication but it doesn’t rule out companionship forever.
On the other hand, this is very much a situation where personal preference should rule. If you made a decision other than what I would make I’d still respect your choice.
So I say build up those memories while you can and choose life without sex if there is no other choice.