So I have prostate cancer

Just diagnosed. T1c, gleason 7 (3+4). It’s apparently contained so I’m told very curable. However, treatment can (note the qualifier) leave a man permanently impotent and can cause permanent urinary incontinence. In fact as I understand it, you get both for sure then maybe recover. Or not.

Obviously I need to find a surgeon (if I do surgery) or oncologist (if I opt for radiation instead) with a lot of experience and a track record of good outcomes. I have no idea how I’m going to do that. I’m going to talk to one of each next week on referral from my urologist, but I will def need to shop more. I’m 55 (and told I look 10 years younger), fit, single and sexually active, and not ready to give up sex. I told GF yesterday, and she instantly broke up with me.

I’ll also have to get the RV meth lab set up. Luckily I already have an evil goatee.

I’m getting that some parts of this are a reference to Breaking Bad, but I don’t know how much is. Assuming the cancer diagnosis is real, I am sorry to hear it. If you need help finding specialists, sing out. You live in an area with a lot of resources. Between the various Bay Area folks, we should be able to get you some good referrals.

No, not a joke thread. For real

I can’t believe your girlfriend broke up with you. What a bitch. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this.

Are you serious?? Holy crap. You’re well rid of her.

Go to sites like and and look for doctors who have high ratings. Is there a major cancer treatment center anywhere near you? If you have a local message board like city-data, you can ask there. Whoever diagnosed you may have some recommendations. Don’t hesitate to ask questions like crazy, and to get a second opinion. Don’t be rushed into anything.

Do a lot of reading and get informed. One way to get informed is message boards. Here’s one on prostate cancersponsored by the American Cancer Society. I spent a fair amount of time at their breast cancer forum a couple of years ago. It’s very helpful to read other people’s stories and see how they approached treatment. Did I mention don’t let anyone rush you? You have time to make a good, informed decision. There’s a wealth of information out there. It’s a new world with a new language that you’re entering, but millions of others have gone before so take advantage.

[/mom-type lecture]

All the best to you!

I had a diagnosis 12 years ago of Gleason 5, I think (early stage and slow growth). I opted for the radioactive seed implant, Brachytherapy. Things have gone very well. Cancer is completely gone, PSA is 0. It took a year or so for scar tissue to cause any problems in regards to ED. Viagra helps quite a bit. Not completely, since you’re talking physical blocking of blood vessels.


I’ll ask around Stanford for recommendations for you.

Gleason 7 (3x5) is not good news. I recommend you have your slides sent to prostrate specific lab for another look.

Mine was a Gleason 7. This lab took another look and I was given a 6 (3x3). The Gleason scale is exponential. So, a six score made the difference to accept the watchful surveillance.

The risks of the knife and radiation weren’t an option.

Sorry to hear, including your gf’s move. That stinks.

I will follow up via PM about the support group in the area.

Many hugs to you and yours. I’m dealing with a comparable diagnosis myself, so I understand on some level.

Your ex-GF did you a big favor in the long run.

Any girlfriend who would leave you over something like this is someone you’re better off without, anyway.

I’m not familiar with the Gleason scale, but many prostate cancers are so slow-growing that no treatment at all is needed. Make sure you look into that.

I know next to nothing about prostate cancer, but in one of my classes we learned that many times the “cure” is worse than just living with it and that many people with prostate cancer die of something else. This could be for an older demographic, but I agree, look into not treating it, as well.

Not too much to add. You have an issue that demands thoughtful attention, but it’s not a screaming emergency. Do the due diligence diligently for best outcome.

Good luck & keep up in the loop.

I know a woman whose husband left her in the middle of her cancer treatment. “Sorry, I don’t want to deal with your sickness any more” were his parting words. Better you lost the GF now, even if the best treatment option turns out to be watching.

Thanks all for the replies. So nobody does curly-brace hugs any more? :wink:

I didn’t mean to stoke internet rage at my now-ex. I get it: this isn’t what she signed up for. Hell, it isn’t what I signed up for.

So yes, I agree with posters who advise proceeding deliberately. I’ve been chasing this diagnosis since 2014, so I’m already on that treadmill, skepticism shields are up. Hell, I did this 3rd biopsy after one inconclusive and one negative biopsy just to finally shut up my urologist. I did not expect a diagnosis in the least. And my urologist is one of those “take action!” guys, and I refuse to be stampeded. Cautious, thoughtful shopping is my watchword. I’m just not sure how to finally shop now that I need to. Thanks to the posters who provided links which I will surely follow!

Thank you in advance, Sunny Daze for any info if you ask around. And thank you mixdenny for a good outcome (right?) tale. Harmonicmoon’s suggestion of a 2nd pathologist review is not one I would have thought of, will pursue that. nearwildheaven, my thoughts are with you as you deal with your diagnosis. Helena330, I’m right there with you re: not treating at all, and again I plan to proceed judiciously.

I have something like 2 months vacation saved up, I plan to travel over Christmas to Europe before I do something involving treatment, maybe make some memories. A shame it’s wintertime, Paris is 40’s and raining, but Barcelona and Athens are nice even now, so what the hell. :cool:

I’m currently reading “Endurance” by Scott Kelly, the astronaut who recently spent close to a year on ISS. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer as well. Had the entire prostate removed. Did not indicate if he had either of the “side effects” you list. Just letting you know for whatever it’s worth. (His twin brother, Mark, got himself checked and had it as well.)

So very sorry to hear about this. It must be awful for you right now. I really hope things will turn out for the best. Fuckin’ prostates man! You get all the fun parts to play with for so long and then something you can’t even see turns on you.

Good for her! She did you a favor!

My old man got treatment for this at Stanford (and he went to Cal! :smiley: ) and wound up beating it.

Keeled over from Melanoma shorty after. Cancer always wins. And in winning, it dies. Almost fucking Zen, isn’t it?

the two common things I’ve heard from various MDs:

  1. if you’re a man and you live long enough, you will develop prostate cancer, and
  2. most men die with prostate cancer and not from it.

Dude, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope it all goes well for you. Chin up and persevere.

Really. Was she afraid she’d get cancer cells ejected into her or something?