Just wondering how varied your circle of friends are - in terms of nationality, gender, religion, politics, sexual orientation.
I would assume it is easier if you live in an urban environment to have friends from all walks of life, but I know that growing up in a small town in the midwest, there simply were not many minorities in the town, almost none as a matter of fact, thus making it more than a bit difficult to make friends outside of my race and generic caucasion background.
Other than very esoteric nationalities (I don’t mean friends from Easter Island) are there any major minority groups that you have never met, worked with or had as a friend?
White
Hispanic
Black
Asian
Native American
Gay
Straight
Lesbian
Bi Sexual
Transgendered
Christian
Jewish
Muslim
Atheist
Republican
Democrat
Communist
Socialist
(Feel free to add to this very generic list)
I can honestly say that I have had friends in all the above categories, but I have lived in large cities both in the US and in Europe, and also taught in international schools.
Again, no shame in admitting you have never had the opportunity to meet someone from any of the obove groups - but just wondering how widespread your circle of friends are.
Straight
White
Chinese
Indian
Persian
Non practicing Christian
Non practicing Muslim
Non practicing Hindu
Politically left
Politically green
Politically right
Then again, I live in a not very diverse place. But it looks like I need to find me some more interesting friends…
Guess it depends on how far you want to take the definition of friend.
In college I’ve met LUG (Lesbian until graduation) type bisexuals as well as straight guys until you get a six pack in them. I can’t say I’ve met anyone who considers him/herself to be a fully bisexual person.
Same with socialists and communists. I’ve heard plenty of far left coffee house talk, but don’t know anyone who is an adult socialist or communist.
I’ve never had a black friend, although I’ve worked with many. Same with Muslim.
I’ve met a couple of transgendered people, but never had any close interaction in work, school, or social activities.
Friends or former friends:
White
Hispanic
Straight
Lesbian
Bi Sexual
Christian
Jewish
Atheist
Republican
Democrat
I’ve never met a real Communist or socialist, though most of my friends are very liberal.
There are black people here, and there were a lot of black people at my college, but we ran in different circles, I guess, and I never made friends with any.
Same thing with Asian people. I think a lot of it has to do with my social awkwardness…the more like me in appearance someone is, the less threatening they are and the more I’m likely to make friends with them. People tell me that my best friend and I look like brother and sister all the time.
Yeah, on second thought, those might be ringers on my scavenger list of criteria…I lived in Berlin back when the Wall was still up, and would go to East Berlin quite often and met many people who were die-hard Communists (but fun drinking partners!). However, since the collapse of the Eastern Bloc, it is probably not so easy to find the good ol’ Communist Comrade today. There are still quite a few Socialists in Europe though…
In terms of your list, I have not had friends in these categories:
Native American
Transgendered
Communist
But as mentioned up thread, the definition of “friend” is important. I am certain I have known people in the above categories (except for possibly Native American) and they just didn’t bother to say “Did you know? I’m TRANSGENDERED!!!” I guess if I were truly a friend, they would have told me.
However, I have some incredibly cool friends. Here are two friends I will spend time with this month:
An American citizen originally from Viet Nam who experienced the war first hand - starvation, burning villages, the whole shebang - who ended up in the US because her aunt was a cook for the NYT staffer in Viet Nam during the war, and she spent a lot of time there helping her aunt as a teenager. When everyone was evacuated, the NYT staffer saw something special about her and managed to get her out of Viet Nam along with everyone else. She then worked (although still a youngster) as a cook/nanny/maid for several NYT people (she got handed around, it seems) in the US and a couple of other countries (I think Cypress was one but I can’t remember). Finally, she ended up in Massachusetts attending high school while caring for someone’s two kids and cooking for the family!!! In college, she met and married an American citizen and since then has had a “normal” expat American life.
A Portuguese woman from the impoverished aristocracy. Her family was traditionally high society but had fallen on financial hard times by the time my friend was a teenager. She married a German guy at age 18 and had two kids immediately. Hubbie turned out to be unstable and unreliable, she went back home to her family and nearly died of ovarian cancer (thus making what may have seemed stupid, i.e. having kids incredibly young, into a blessing, since she had a hysterectomy when barely in her 20s). She was soon estranged from her husband, and landed in Mozambique (where she had been born - if you know your history you’ll know there is a long connection between the 2 countries). In her 40s a young English guy, barely 30 if that, fell madly in love with her, asked her to marry him. and convinced her to move to England when his time in Mozambique was up. Then he promptly left her - but their “divorce” settlement included that he would pay for her to finish her college degree. She did, and has had a cool career in South Africa and East Timor as a development specialist.
How amazing are those stories, I ask? Those two people come to mind as particularly fascinating, but I have many friends with wonderful stories. I am thankful every day for the wonders of life.
But for me (friends and/or coworkers)
White, Hispanic, Black, Asian (this could of course be divided into nationalities but that would make for a very long list for me).
Gay, Straight but no lesbians, bisexuals or transgendered people (that I know of).
Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, Wiccan, Satanist
Republican, Democrat - Haven’t discussed that much politics with my American friends but it is rather likely that there are both dems and pubs among them.
Communist, socialist, conservatives, liberal, libertarian, social democrats and greens
I don’t think I have ever met a communist. Bisexual is iffy, depending on your definition of friend. I would term him a friendly acquaintance rather than friend, but I’m overly picky about such things.
I have good friends in all of those categories except:
Republican – I have many peripheral friends and friendly accquaintances who are Republicans, but I think in order to become a good friend a certain basic alignment of values has to exist. I won’t say I won’t ever be close friends with a Republican, but it doesn’t look likely.
Communist – I’m a little dubious about this one. I think people who would self-identify as Communists are a vanishingly tiny group in the U.S.
I’ve known four Communists. I think some have to know that you are not going to misunderstand their intent before they will open up to you. I married a Socialist in my first marriage. I’m not so sure that I’m not a Socialist or maybe even a Communist in political theory. But I am very far to the left and not typical of most liberals.
I have met and been friendly with a young Asian woman, but that was for a short time. And the trans-gendered woman was only for one pleasant evening.
All of the rest have been part of my life.
Recently I have added a generation older than mine to my list of friends. My best local girl friend is almost 90 and much more active than I am. Then just this week, I had lunch with the mother of a friend from my hometown. She will also be 90 next month. What a character! We will be getting together on a regular basis. Both of these women are sharp and witty.
About the only ones on that list that I haven’t seen on the friend list are communists and socialists. The rest are or have been friends over the years.
White
Hispanic
Black
Asian
Native American
Indian
Gay
Straight
Lesbian
Bi Sexual
Transgendered
Christian
Jewish
Hindu
Pagan
Agnostic
Atheist
Republican
Democrat
Green party
Libertarian
I’m sure there’s a bunch more I’m not thinking of.
Nationality: American, British, Chinese, Indian, Japanese, a couple of western African countries, Russian, Uzbek, Kazakh, Lithuanian, French, German, Turkish, Egyptian, and Jordanian.
Religion: Strict atheist, agnostic, Lutheran, Methodist, Catholic, Mennonite, Evangelical, Muslim, orthodox Jew, reformed Jew, Hindu, Zen Buddhist.
Gender: Male. Female. No transgenders.
Politics: Some are all liberal, edging into socialist territory. Some are “socially liberal, fiscally conservative”. One or two intellectual conservatives. One communist.
Orientation: Gay, straight, les, bi, poly, a-.
A couple of ways my friends are not very diverse: they are almost all in the 23-to-38 age bracket, though a few are in their forties/fifties/sixties. And we are, all of us, college type people. Academics and researchers and wannabes.
I live in a small Midwestern city. It’s a college town.
I’m pretty sure the only entry in your list that isn’t fulfilled by at least one of my friends is “transgendered” - the closest I get is one gay friend who did drag shows occasionally.
Then again, I did grow up in what is arguably one of the most ethnically and socially diverse cities in the world (Toronto). I’d have had to try really really really hard not to get to know people from a wide range of backgrounds.
)