My parents live sufficiently far away that an airplane trip (and subsequent picking-up from the airport) is required to visit, so we never knock when we go to their house. This is because when we first show up to visit, they’re with us and thereafter, we’re houseguests.
If I lived locally, though, I’d probably knock once and then immediately open up and call “Hellooooooo, it’s me!” (this would be the case if I were expectedly or unexpectedly visiting, actually). If I were unexpected, I’d wait for a “Come in” before I walked in, though. The knock is good manners - my parents are adults and entitled to their own privacy, which I may be invading. The call is so that when they hear someone at the door, they know *right away * who just showed up at their house. I wouldn’t wait for them to come open the door for me, though - I’ll just knock and go if I’m expected.
We do the same thing at my mother-in-law’s house - providing nobody’s already at the door by the time we get there from the driveway. Of course, we never go to my mother-in-law’s house unless we’re expected. Hell, we try to avoid going there as much as possible within the bounds of not-totally-alienating-my-husband’s-mother.
My family is of the “enter while hallooing” school. If we knocked and waited for someone to come to the door, we’d be greeted by a puzzled look and “why the heck didn’t you just come in?” But my parents live in a different state, so I’m never coming in that they wouldn’t be expecting me. Actually, if they weren’t expecting me, I probably would knock and wait, not from manners but just to surprise them.
I have a key which is seldom needed because most of the time the front door is unlocked. I don’t knock but I do call “hello” as I enter. This is also the way my brother opperates. We basically adopted the way it was done when we visited my paternal grandparents: go to the back door which was usually unlocked but we had a key, holler “yoohoo” upon entering. It’s very much down to individual family dynamics. We tend to have an open-house attitude towards family and close friends. It would be decidedly wierd if someone decided that people should now have to knock.
It occurs to me my SO never knocks when he goes home. However we live three hours away so it’s always expected. Not to mention the other son just barely moved out, and it’s in name only, so they get no privacy as it is.
I don’t knock, and until now I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. I’ll probably try to make a conscious effort to knock from now on, because I have no idea whether it irritates my parents, and they might be too nice to tell me.
If it’s before dinner I’d prefer them to knock but don’t get huffy if they don’t. Later in the evening if the doors are locked, I don’t want them barging in even with a key. They might just interrupt Naked DVD Night.
I think, as always, that them what lives in the house gets to make the rules. So as far as the OP’s kids are concerned, it should make no never-mind what WE think. If the OP says knock, then they should knock.
In our family, it’s come in and “hallooo” if you’re expected, but knock otherwise.
Count me in with those that have a key and do not knock. Half that time I don’t even shout out the hello, but that’s because I very rarely drop by unexpectedly. I live in the same city as both my mom and my dad and it’s the same at both of their houses.
The children are expected to knock before they come in. They are expected to call before they come over. The daughter who lives locally has been turned away at the door for showing up unannounced and she has a key. She has the key for emergencies…not to let herself into the house while we are at home unless we know she is coming over and have specifically told her to walk right in. The ones who live out of town call first and still have to knock because we don’t leave our front door unlocked.
I knock when I go over to my parents as well and I have an emergency key. Mr.stretch doesn’t knock if going over to his mom’s because she prefers a walk in with a “Hello.” This was even true when he lived closer by and visited frequently. I personally still knock when I am the first to the door.
I value my privacy and strictly enforce my ‘call before you come over’ rule.
With my IL’s, we lived in the same town. We had a key, as did all the kids, but only used it if they weren’t home and we needed something from the house. If they were home, we knocked and went in.
With my parents, we live about an hour away, so we always let them know we’re coming, so we know they are home. The dogs alert them to our presence in the drive way, so we generally just walk in. We do have a key, but I haven’t used it since moving out.
Seriously? We’ve cut visits from kids short when they came over at a bad time, but I can’t imagine not letting them in, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
When my parents and I lived in the same town, I only held their key when they went out of town. I wouldn’t dream of going over and letting myself in, unless I was sure they were gone.
I also called first and asked permission to come visit (and sometimes bring my laundry!); we are independent and they have their own plans.
Now we live thousands of miles apart so it would be hard to drop in (except I did surprise Mom with Pop’s complicity).
Hmm. Now that I think about it, I DO just drop by the home of my surrogate family in the area. But they are also much more relaxed than my parents and I don’t think they mind so much. They leave their door unlocked so they must want me to walk in.
I have a key to my dad’s house that I moved out of last year and I still always knock and wait for him to come answer. My roommate was astonished at this and said, “Why don’t you just walk in?” “Well,” I said, “It’s not my house. I don’t want him just walking into our house either.”
There are many reasons for my rules the most important of which is: What I’m doing is more important than what you want me to be doing, unless you can prove otherwise. Even if what I’m doing is just watching tv.
So if the kid wants or needs something, I expect the kid to call and ask me I she can come over. I thought she knew I expected this. Now I know she understands the rule. She understands the rule so well that when she showed up last night to borrow a saw, the first thing she told my husband was, “I called first and mom said it was okay.”
Kids need to learn to respect other people’s boundaries, no matter who those people are. If she didn’t learn it before she moved out, I’m not above teaching her afterwards.
My kids’ friends all think they have the coolest mom ever, because I was/am so laid back about so many things. But my kids will tell you that I’m pretty strict in my own way.
My mother or step-father would kill me if I made them get up to let me in. I have a key to their house and I haven’t lived there since 1969. I live a couple of hundred miles away from them so they always know that I’m coming and usually the time of my arrival +/- 10 minutes or so.
My father lives with my brother, although I have a key to my brother’s house, I knock there.
I didn’t knock when my parents were still living there, but I was usually expected when I went over there so it wasn’t too much of a problem.
I still have the key, and even went over there a couple of times after they moved out and the new owners were just starting a major remodeling. It was Sunday and there was nobody there, but the old door was still there and my key still worked. It was a good thing I went there, because I did find a couple of things that the family had left behind.
I always knock even though I live 800 miles away and my appearances are always expected. I did have a key to Cheez_Whia’s old place though and would let myself in if no one was home (sometimes travel schedules and work schedules don’t always neatly synchronize).
As a rule, I don’t just walk into any domicile where I am not paying to live myself. Even if instructed to do so (with the exception noted above). It just goes against my personal programming.
