We don’t really have a formal agreement about these things in our house. They just kind of get done – or don’t – by whomever. (I work 50 hours a week, my wife does not have an outside job). That said:
1) Laundry (including sheets and bath towels)
I start the laundry about 80% of the time, my wife about the other 20%. Our son is responsible for transferring to the dryer, and pulling them out. I fold about 60% of the time, my wife about 30% of the time, and about 10% of the time we don’t get them folded, but the stuff gets pulled out of the baskets and used. My wife is the only one who irons, and then only when she’s really annoyed at some piece of clothing.
2) vacuuming
My wife hates vacuuming. I do this if it gets done.
3) dusting
This doesn’t usually get done; fortunately, our house doesn’t get a lot of dust. I just don’t see the value in it. My wife will dust if any of our parents are coming to visit. (This doesn’t count the kitchen counters, which my son usually cleans.)
4) cooking
It used to be I was the one who cooked 90% of the time that we ate at home (which meant, I cook 60% of the time, my wife about 6% of the time, and we ate out the rest). These days we’re on diets, and my wife cooks about 60%, I cook about 30%, and we only eat out 10%.
5) dishes
I wash them 3 times out of 4, my wife the rest, my son puts away the clean dishes.
6) clean bathrooms
I rarely do this (about 10%). My wife will do it if it gets too dirty for her to stand, or if guests are coming over.
7-8) No pets.
9) yard work
My wife does not do anything outside. I generally do this, or I get my son to help if I can.
What does this household schedule look like on a daily basis? Do you do everything on Saturday or spread it out?
Small things in the evenings (for me), like dishes, starting laundry. Bigger things on the weekends, like vacuuming, folding laundry. My wife is a night owl, and has been known to do the tasks she does at 2am.
10) Keeps track of all finances (both household and retirement investments)
Me. My wife did this once, but the finances stress her out. It’s just numbers in a spreadsheet to me, so I have an easier time with it.
11) Who does the grocery shopping
About 60% my wife, 30% we both go, 10% me. She hates going weekends or evenings, which is when I can go. If I’m about to go to the grocery store on a weekend or evening, she usually would either we spent the time doing something else, or wants to come also (and, as I said, she hates going when I can, so she’ll talk me into leaving it for her the next day). Then she complains that I don’t do the grocery shopping more often.
12) Who does most of the errand runs (misc stuff)
Her on weekdays. Both of us on the weekend. The weekday errands are usually either just for her, or for our son; the weekend ones are for us all, or the house. Which brings us to:
**13) who is primary care taker [for kids] **
My son’s a teenager, and doesn’t need a lot of care, but what he needs, she does – after school errands, and so forth.
Other things: my wife refuses to have anything to do with trash, so that’s me. I usually have to mop floors. I’ll ask my son to sweep them, but my wife will get frustrated with the quality when he does, so she’ll do them (leaving him no incentive to improve).
The single thing that drives me nuts is that she wants me to take care of the cars (like taking them in for oil changes, maintenance, repairs, etc.) but she’s available during the day, and I’m not, so I have to take off work to do it.
The thing I like best is that if she sees I’m really tired when I get home from work, she’ll just do stuff - even the stuff she normally won’t (except for trash) - and not ask more of me. She’s really sweet that way sometimes.
