Poll: What do you do to help your SO with housework?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Wow thanks for all the responses!

In answer to some questions, yes I am frustrated with being burdeoned with the housework. I think mainly because my boss is driving me batty and stressing me out every single day. SO works in retail, so he is on his feet all day, I work as a Sr Software Engineer for a telecom company. I also have an hour commute into the office to his 15 minutes.

Hiring a housekeeper is an excellent idea. I never thought about that. I hate having a dirty house so I kill myself trying to keep everything straightened up and cleaned. The weekends are normally the only time I find to get everything done, so I feel like I am working 7 days a week. Which is probably why I feel exhausted all the time.

22

I work 40 hrs a week and my wife works about 15 (it varies from week to week). Things have changed recently because I’ve had to go on dialysis and have a catheter in my abdomin. This makes me susceptable to hernias and I’m not supposed to left anything over 25 lbs.

So…

  1. mostly her, but I do some. I used to do more but she doesn’t like the way I do certain things.

  2. Mostly her, but I when I do it, I tend to be more thorough. I always use the attachment to get the corners and move the furniture.

  3. She does all the dusting because she can’t stand dust. She’ll be disgusted before I even realize there is dust.

  4. Both of us. Well at least we both prepare food. I’m the only one that can actually cook.

  5. Both

  6. Her

  7. Mostly me, but whoeer happens to see their food/water dishes empty.

  8. Me. It’s my cat, so it’s my repsonsiblity

  9. My stepson does most of the regular stuff, and we all pitch in for big projects

  10. Me

  11. Mostly me.

  12. Well my stepson is 15 and mostly takes care of hiimself. My kids are 10 and 11 but they live with my ex. When they are over then we both take care of them.

  13. mostly her because she has more time.

23

  1. Whichever one of us decides that the monstrous overflowing pile has gotten out of hand

  2. Whichever one of us is the “primary” friend to whatever guests we’re about to have over (because that’s the only time it gets done). :wink:

  3. See Item #2

  4. On a daily basis? Neither of us, really, but if one of us is craving something in particular, then whoever has the cravin’ does the cookin’ (lately I’ve been craving cold-weather comfort foods, so this weekend I’ll be making a pot roast, mashed potatoes, and fried apples–oh yeah, Baby!). If we’re cooking to have people over for dinner, then we kind of split the duties; for example, I’ll marinate, and he’ll grill.

  5. Usually me, but that’s because I hate a messy kitchen.

  6. Ditto, except the tub is so gross that I rarely touch it, so he does that part more often than I do

  7. We divvy up on a pre-nup basis; in other words, I generally take care of the pets (dogs) that were mine before the marriage, and he generally takes care of the ones (cats) that were his, although he does do some doggie duties, whereas I barely acknowldege the cats. The rat, which we acquired after we got married, gets cared for by whichever one of us happens to remember his little ass at any given moment.

  8. See #7

  9. Him, though when I still owned a house in a nearby town, it was kind of more equal, because I was usually the one to drive over and mow that lawn. Now that we’ve sold that house (yay!), he is the official Yard Work King.

  10. Again, we operate on a pre-nup basis; we have a joint account, but each of us is in charge of paying his/her own credit cards, etc. The “joint” stuff (rent, utilities), falls to him, because he’s been living in the house we share for about 4 years longer than I have, so he knows what’s what about all that.

  11. Neither of us (see #4–we don’t cook, therefore we don’t buy groceries . . . except for ice cream).

  12. Those we usually do together; we are, after all, still newlyweds, so we have not yet seen the day when one of us runs to Wal-Mart for a drain snake if we’re both available to make the trip. Ahhh, love . . . :smiley:

24
  1. She does most of it, though I will do my own clothes if I’m short of things.
  2. I do it.
  3. I do the dusting, though she straightens up the rooms.
  4. Split. I do it a lot in the summer (we grill a lot), and probably a little more overall.
  5. Usually me.
  6. Me.
  7. Me. When he jumps on the bed at 5 am, she sleeps through it, but I can’t. I also give him his pills.* :eek:
  8. Usually her.
  9. I do things like raking (with some help from her); she does the gardening (with some help from me).

*Our vet once told me that if you could pill a cat, you can pill any animal, but ours is relatively good. He’ll walk away if he thinks you’re getting them, but not so fast you can’t catch him, he never scratches, and only tries to spit them out.

25

I work one job, Kim works two. So, I do most of the washing up, laundry, feeding cats type of housework (except the gardening, which she likes - lawnmowing not included). She tends to do the tidying up. She can tidy the house up in thirty seconds flat and make it look easy. I tend not to notice clutter so I don’t do it as often as I should.

I am the primary babysitter and I know which is “library day”, what forms have to be given back to the teacher, what homework needs to be done, and all that little stuff. In the mornings, I get the young bloke breakfasted, dressed, and ready for school, and I make his lunch and ensure he’s got everything he needs packed in his bag.

I don’t go anywhere near the finances. I’m not good at it and I’m not interested in it. I hand over all my pay to Kim, minus what I need in my pocket for train fares, beers, etc. I like it that way.

Kim tends to do the grocery shopping, but that’s because she is the one who usually has the car, and she works in a shopping mall.

Cooking would be 50 - 50.

26

Forgot to add:

  1. Me.
  2. Me.
  3. She was, but our daughter is in college now.
27

I will never understand why households where all the adults work don’t have a housekeeping service. My mother was a stay at home Mom up until I was 16, when she went back to work to help out with family finances. We didn’t have a lot of spare cash - let me repeat, the ONLY reason she went back to work was to make ends meet - but she was adament that she was NOT going to work all week then spend her weekends doing housework. So we got a cleaning service that came in, IIRC, every couple weeks.

When I grew up, and took a full time job, I, too, got a cleaning service.

Nowadays, I do consulting and freelance work. I probably have the time to clean if I need to - I’m home all day. Still, though, hubby insisted we get a cleaning service even though I don’t have a 40 hour a week, glued to the desk type job. I have to admit, I feel a little guilty about this, but he does have a point - my earning potential via working is much more important that saving a few bucks by cleaning toilets myself.

Every time these threads come up, where one person is working their tail off to work a full time job and keep a clean house, I wonder why it’s such a hard decision to find someone to help out. Especially when the housework is affecting your marriage. Most people wouldn’t balk at spending $50-$150 every couple weeks for marriage counseling. A cleaning service is cheaper, and in some cases, alleviates the need for counseling!

28

When I was growing up my parents had a toy poodle that just so happened to be an epileptic. We had to give her a pill every day to prevent them. I say we, it was normally me that gave the dog the pill and that dog hated me. So I became the master at shoving pills down before she had the chance to bite or growl.

Fast forward way to many years and it is again myself that gives the pills to the animals. When we have to give the cats medication, it happens so fast they don’t have time to blink. They just look like “hey! what did you just do?” and walk off.

:smiley:

29

Dishes,Sex,the usual stuff…

30
  1. Laundry (including sheets and bath towels) - Both
  2. vacuuming - My wife
  3. dusting - My wife
  4. cooking - Me
  5. dishes - My wife
  6. clean bathrooms - My wife
  7. feed/water dogs/cats - My son feeds the dog, the cat has a feeder
  8. if you have cats (cleans liter boxes at least once a day or every other day) - Me, since my wife is pregnant
  9. yard work - I mow, she gardens
  10. Keeps track of all finances (both household and retirement investments) - My wife
  11. Who does the grocery shopping - Me
  12. Who does most of the errand runs (misc stuff) - Both

I work a full-time professional job, my wife stays at home right now, while the kids are young, though she does some work at home and teaches the occaisional birth education class.

I realize I could probably do more, but I detest toil. Part of the problem with this excercise is that generally, women expect a higher standard of neatness than men. Therefore, women do more housework because they’re the ones who think it’s needed more frequently/extensively.

31

As above, I’m a SAHM, so I do most of this stuff. I like to try to do as much as possible during the day, so that we can relax in the evenings, and on weekends we only do projects or family stuff. The house is usually wrecked by Monday, and I do most major housework on that day.
1) Laundry (including sheets and bath towels)
Me. I like to wash practically everything on Monday mornings and hang a lot on the clothesline, which makes it hard for him to participate. He does any loads done in the evenings, and does some folding.

2) vacuuming
Me, unless I’ve had a baby recently. I do a lot of this stuff on Monday mornings.

3) dusting
Me and the girls, also Mondays.

4) cooking
Mostly me, since he doesn’t get home before 6.30. He does Saturday morning waffles, and his one specialty dinner on some weekends. He needs to learn more cooking.

5) dishes
Both of us, about 50/50 over time.

6) clean bathrooms
I do weekly maintenance on Thursdays. Showers and tubs are his province.

We don’t have pets.

9) yard work
He does the lawn, fence, and stuff. I do the gardening.

10) Keeps track of all finances (both household and retirement investments)
I used to, until we got online banking. Now he does it. I pay certain bills and keep the records, he pays others online.

11) Who does the grocery shopping
I do weekly trips, he gets staples at Costco.

12) Who does most of the errand runs (misc stuff)
Depends on the job. Probably mostly me, during the day.

13) who is primary care taker
Me, but in the mornings we cooperate, and in the evenings we do bathing and bedtime together. I’m usually gone at least one evening in the week, so he puts them to bed by himself a lot, which I almost never do. On weekends I do a little more than he does; he often has to work at home. But we try to make sure to get some alone/rest time for each person, and we go out on Saturday nights, leaving the kids to the tender mercies of the babysitter.

Also, he takes out the garbage but I do the recycling, and our 4yo does the small trash bins.
In your situation, may I suggest that you two try to establish a household standard of cleanliness that needs to be achieved by both of you together? Excuses like “your standards are just higher than mine” and “you’re better at mopping” are not really acceptable (unless your standard is perfection, and you don’t allow him to do jobs because he ‘doesn’t do it right’). Practice makes perfect, and mopping is not a natural female talent! There should be a realistic, reasonable, achievable standard that you can both live with.

Sitting down, looking at how much time each of you have and can give to tasks, and deciding how much each is going to do–not through fighting or resentment, but as a team working on a happier home life and marriage–can be an eyeopener. For example, if he has 20 hours of free time a week to play videogames or whatever, and you’re thrilled to get an hour a week to yourself, that’s simply not fair and needs to change. Getting it written down can help you both see where things need work and maybe help you do it objectively. Good luck…

32

I do a lot of stuff around the house. I usually get home around 6:00 and I don’t work weekends. My wife does not have a career, although she does office type work from time to time. I must say that we never argue about housework. I’m pretty agreeable to helping out and the one thing my wife does not do is nag.

  1. Laundry (including sheets and bath towels) – I do my laundry, she does hers. She would agree to do mine, but I prefer to do it myself.

  2. vacuuming – split, no pattern; although even when she starts on it, I get tagged with doing the stairs

  3. dusting – her

  4. cooking – split; normally, we have very different eating preferences; she is Korean and eats a lot of Korean food; I am doing low carb. Generally, she will fix whatever she wants for her and when I get home, I’ll whip up something for myself. I grill for the both of us a couple of times a week

  5. dishes – generally, me. although with her not working right now, she has been doing more lately. I don’t mind doing dishes, though

  6. clean bathrooms – split

  7. feed/water dogs/cats --N/A

  8. if you have cats (cleans liter boxes at least once a day or every other day) – N/A (although I used to have a cat so I took care of everything related)

  9. yard work – mowing, me; gardening and flower stuff, her

  10. Keeps track of all finances (both household and retirement investments) --ME 100%

  11. Who does the grocery shopping – she goes to the Korean grocery store and I do the American grocery store; we split on Wal-Mart

  12. Who does most of the errand runs (misc stuff) – split depending on what the errand is

  13. who is primary care taker -no kids

33

My wife and I work roughly the same number of hours a week at our jobs. She tends to do a little more around the house than I do, but on the other hand, I have a variety of side jobs (which include teaching stained-glass work and killing computer viruses and spyware on an on-call basis) so she is home a bit more than I am.

To go over it point by point:

[ol]
[li]Laundry (including sheets and bath towels) - Mrs. U does most of the laundry, on Saturday mornings. I will, however, throw in a load now and then during the week if it’s required. Also, if we’re doing housecleaning and taking rugs and dog beds and stuff to the laundromat to use the big industrial machines, I’m the one who humps it to the laundromat, runs 'em there, and brings them back.[/li]
[li]Vacuuming - Actually, this is one of the things that UvulaDaughter does to help earn her spending money. It’s a Saturday Morning Chore.[/li]
[li]Dusting - UvulaDaughter does that, too. Um, sometimes. Well, let’s be honest, we dust when we notice a film covering stuff. We’re all pretty bad about that. ::blush::[/li]
[li]Cooking and Dishes - Mrs. U and I are both very good cooks. Most of the time, I do the cooking because I get home from work first. I do the dishes as I go along so that at the end of the meal there are only a few plates and flatware to wash up. The standard deal is if one of us cooks, the other washes up, but since she’s gone back to school and needs studying time, I cook and do the dishes too. (UvulaDaughter helps out with dishes sometimes as well.)[/li]
[li]Clean Bathrooms - I wash the tub after I shower. Usually I have to wash it before I shower, too :slight_smile: but what the hell. Mrs. U cleans the terlit, sink, floors, etc. so I guess this one really goes to her. She does this weekly, usually on a weeknight while I’m cooking dinner.[/li]
[li]Animals - Everyone feeds the dog, by which I mean no one has an “assigned duty” of feeding him. He eats after we’re done with dinner and gets scraps mixed with his kibble, and whoever is closest to his bowls after dinner feeds him. I walk him around the neighborhood, excercise him in the yard, take him to the vet, administer meds when necessary, clean up dog crap, etc.[/li]
UvulaDaughter has a parrot. She feeds him, cleans his cage, brings him out for playtime, etc.

We keep chickens. I keep them fed and watered, muck out the henhouse and maintain the compost pile where we break down the guano for fertilizer. My daughter collects eggs. Mrs. U and I wash and package the eggs and peddle them at work. (Does that part count?)

No cats. I’m allergic to them bigtime. If I had a cat, though, I would train it to go outside for its toilet needs, just like I did with a cat I had when I was my daughter’s age: The cat let herself in and out through a kitty door I installed in place of a pane of glass in a cellar window and never used an indoor litterbox in her life after she was housebroken.

[li]We share yard work pretty much equally - I rototill the garden and do the planting in the spring, we both weed, trim, etc. Mrs. U maintains the flower beds and I take care of the shrubs and treets. We have a service come in and mow the grass. In the autumn, I do the raking with an air blower. Back when we did it with rakes, we both shared the duty equally. We try to do yard work on Sundays when possible, but will do it on Saturdays if it is going to include a dump run (the town dump is closed on Sundays.)[/li]
[li]Finances - Mrs. U handles the checkbook. Quite frankly, I suck at it because I procrastinate, and then before I know it, they’re overdue. She’s much better at it, so she does it.[/li]
[li]Groceries - I do the shopping because that’s where I’m better at it than she is. I use ethnic markets (Hispanic and Asian), city markets, coupons, sales, and supermarket markdowns, and we (all of us, including the parrot and the dog but not including the chickens) eat for about $45 a week. Pretty damn good, if I say so myself. I shop on my way home from work for the most part, two or three times a week or as needed.[/li]
[li]Child care - UvulaDaughter is 15 now, and requires much less care than she used to (we’ve done a fairly decent job with her, she’s rather self-sufficient.) When she was a baby, though, I was the one who got up in the middle of the night for the zero-dark-hundred feedings, or to investigate a sob, or change a diaper. I was the one who always got dookie duty, too, when the baby would shit herself from neck to knees :eek: The other child-rearing activities were pretty much evenly split.[/li]
[li]Errands - I schedule most errands to be run on Saturday mornings while Mrs. U is doing the laundry. That way, I’m done with errands about the same time she’s done with laundry, and then Saturday afternoon is free for fun stuff. [/li]
[/ol]

34

I’ve been a single parent for 16 years now (three kids), and until the oldest two recently left for college here’s how things went:

Everyone was responsible for her own laundry. (I have a ten year old who is responsible for getting his laundry downstairs and sorted when I do a “Laundry Call”, but I would rather not have him working my washing machine.) If you didn’t have clean underwear, it was because you didn’t wash it. Want clean sheets? Then wash them. Towells got thrown into the “main laundry” (which would include miscellaneous things like rags, curtains, throw rugs, etc.) that I would do once a week in addition to my own laundry.

Whomever cooked meals got out of kitchen duty, which included loadings/unloading the dishwasher, cleaning appliances, sweeping floor, taking out kitchen trash, etc. If one cooked dinner, then three cleaned up. However, if three were in the kitchen helping with dinner, then one cleaned up. It never worked out that EVERYONE was doing the same thing at the same time.

If the bedroom was a mess, the door got shut. Period. Life it too busy to nag about toys on the floor. The exception to this was food in the bedroom (a no-no) or my cups/glasses which would disappear into Bedroom Hell. Problem solved by buying everyone personalized glasses/cups. It would not have been good for Sister C to find her cup in Sister J’s bedroom…

Anytime school had out for the day (teacher’s meetings, odd holidays, etc.) an extensive list was left for the kids home that day, which included everything from mopping floors to vaccuuming.

Usually Friday evening or Saturday morning (depending on how busy our schedule was) was Clean Up Day. Everything was vaccumed, mopped and dusted. The bathrooms got a good scrubbing and I caught up on my laundry. Everyone usually pitched in with this. Usually, if there was something “extra” that needed to be done (like the yard work, or the cars washed), then it was worth my time to offer $10 or so to the first taker to do this. That worked like a charm.

Overall, it helped to have some philosophies in mind. One, I figured if I kept the kids busy, then any free time wouldn’t be spent doing stupid crap, but used doing stuff they really wanted to do. That worked, apparently. Two, if I wanted it done a certain way, I figured I could do it. If not, as long as it was done (and done semi-well), then that was good enough. Three, praise goes a long way. When they were much younger (early teens) and I would go out, then come home and my house smelled like furniture polish, and the floors were vaccumed and the dishes done I would put my hands over my heart and pretend to swoon. “Oh, I belive the House Cleaning Fairy has graced me with a visit!” I would always say. Lots of eye rolling, but they got the message.

As a result, I have two kids who come home from college on a semi monthly basis and STILL clean my bathroom (I do it between visits!), and a ten year old son who cooks dinner and vaccums and knows how to mop a floor.

35

1 - We each do our own, I do my son’s
2 - We take turns
3 - Me
4 - We take turns
5 - My son (for allowance)
6 - My son (for allowance)
7 - We all do. Son cleans up after dog outside (for allowance)
8 - No Cats
9 - The townhome association

Cleaning (dusting, vacuuming), when it needs it. Bathrooms, once a week. Laundry, when it needs it. Cooking, daily. Dishes, daily.

36

So, who does the following in your household on a weekly basis?

  1. Laundry (including sheets and bath towels)90%Wife
  2. vacuuming Wife does more than I do
  3. dusting Mostly the Wife
  4. cooking Mostly Me
  5. dishes **bout 50-50
  6. clean bathrooms Wife does more than I do
  7. feed/water dogs/cats 50-50
  8. if you have cats (cleans liter boxes at least once a day or every other day) All Wife
  9. yard work My Wife probably shovels more snow than I do. I do the plowing and all the handy man type stuff. I’m currently building a 2 story addition so I keep pretty busy. We don’t mow grass or anything like that.
37

It takes a real man to mop and cook. I was raised to believe that there is no men’s and women’s work, just crap that needs to be done. I’m male and I do most of the stuff around the house. My wife works 9-7 and I’ve been jobless since we got married (we just graduated and got married a few months ago) so it seems fair that I should do most of the chores. Having a neat freak mom and having worked as janitor in my youth I’m much better than her at it anyways. Since a job is now pretty close on the horizon, the chores will soon be split more evenly.

  1. Laundry (including sheets and bath towels)- All my wife. For some reason she does not trust me with her clothes. And since my laundry pile is so small she puts it in with hers.
  2. vacuuming- 95% me. I like to vacuum
  3. dusting- 80% me. My wife is too short to reach most things that need dusting.
  4. cooking- 75% me. I don’t have a job so I usually make our meals when she gets home.
  5. dishes- 80% me.
  6. clean bathrooms- Even though my wife makes 90% mess here I clean the bathroom 70% of the time. My wife tries to clean it but she is so slow and pokey that I usually just finish it when she gets a phone call.
  7. feed/water dogs/cats- Me. I’m the one who feeds and plays with the rats .
  8. if you have cats (cleans liter boxes at least once a day or every other day)- We will never have cats. And if she did I would be convinced she was trying to kill me so I’d divorce her. I do however clean the rat cage maybe 75% of the time.
  9. yard work- No yard!, but if we did I would do all of it except rake (I hate raking). She has no idea how to do the yard. Her parents didn’t beleive girls should do yard work so she never has never touched a lawn tool. When her dad went out of town I or some other male friend of her moms would do her parents yard. The idea of doing yardwork is somehow funny to them. If we get a yard I’m going to make her do the stuff I hate like raking and weed pulling by telling her that mowing and edging required a great deal of skill, so that only I can do it :wink: . Hey if I can mop, she can rake.
  10. Keeps track of all finances (both household and retirement investments)- She does all the short term, but as soon as we get some saved I will start plannning the long term.
  11. Who does the grocery shopping- Both of us. We always go together.
  12. Who does most of the errand runs (misc stuff)- I do because I have a lot of free time.
  13. who is primary care taker- No kids thankfully.
38

So, who does the following in your household on a weekly basis?

  1. Laundry (including sheets and bath towels) - Me

  2. vacuuming - me

  3. dusting - me

  4. cooking - me, he’s not allowed to touch anything in the kitchen

  5. dishes - I load and unload the dishwasher

  6. clean bathrooms - me

  7. feed/water/walk dogs/cats - 1 cat, 1 kitten, and an unpotty-trained puppy. That’d be me

  8. if you have cats (cleans liter boxes at least once a day or every other day) - me again

  9. yard work - split between us, but not equally, I do most of it…

  10.       Keeps track of all finances (both household and retirement          investments) - **Me again** 

  11.       Who does the grocery shopping - **Guess who?** 

  12.       Who does most of the errand runs (misc stuff) - **Guess who, again** 

  13.       Who is primary care taker - **Does he count as a kid?**

  14.       What does this household schedule look like on a daily basis?  - ** I work from 8:30 am to 5:30 and get home around 6:30, he works from 6 am to whenever he's done with his route, but usually gets home around the same time** 

  15.       Do you do everything on Saturday or spread it out? - **I try to spread things out since I do it all.**

16) Who does all the nagging when something isn’t done? - that’d be him
Can someone please remind of what he’s good for???

39
  1. Laundry (including sheets and bath towels)
    Me. But I don’t do my 20 yr-old son’s. Hubby will do some occasionally, and he’s real good at putting clothes away that I have folded. I tend to let them sit there.
  2. vacuuming
    Him, mostly. I hate it.
  3. dusting
    Both, but more like bi-weekly, or when one of us is sick of it.
  4. cooking
    Me. I love to cook. He’s passable, too, and it’s nice to have him cook sometimes.
  5. dishes
    Mostly me. Hubby and son do a little bit.
  6. clean bathrooms
    Me. But son does his own if I nag him enough, and Tom will scrub a toilet if it gets icky before I get around to it. None of the cleaning gets done on a “schedule.”
  7. feed/water dogs/cats
    Me.
  8. if you have cats (cleans liter boxes at least once a day or every other day)
    N/A
  9. yard work
    My son and hubby. I’ll mow occasionally, just for the exercise. But Tom likes to do yardwork! Go figure…

What does this household schedule look like on a daily basis? Do you do everything on Saturday or spread it out?

Spread it out. Although I usually do laundry on Sunday. We both work full time, out of the house jobs. But lately he works 2nd shift. So he has a little time in the morning, and I have a little time in the evening to get things done. I’ll cook, and do dishes, but little else.

  1. Keeps track of all finances (both household and retirement investments)
    We both do. And we talk about it a lot.
  2. Who does the grocery shopping
    Usually me, but we like to go together often. It’s fun to shop with him! (W’re newlyweds, too.)
  3. Who does most of the errand runs (misc stuff)
    Tom does. He likes to “get the best deals” - I like to get it over with. So I let him go to the dollar store and what-have-you. He also goes to Home Depot religiously. He likes to build stuff. I join him, sometimes.

And if you have kids (aka we don’t thank God otherwise I would be a veg)

  1. who is primary care taker
    I am, but he’s 20. I’m pretty much done. If he would only move out! Nah—he’s getting better. He’s hardly ever home, actually.
40

ummmm. Sounds like you need a housekeeper as well. At least my SO doesn’t nag if something gets missed or something isn’t clean. Then again I think I would smack him if he did.

:: Next on Oprah: Women who work full time both at home and at work. Why and How do they manage? ::