Why, exactly? What does your husband (I’m assuming here; if I’m wrong, correct me) do for a job? What work around the house does he do, if any?
I also see a flaw in the idea of anyone “helping” a spouse with housework. You both live there, right? So shouldn’t everyone pitch in? And unless he is also working 80-hour weeks, you need to talk about some reapportionment (or hiring help).
That said, here’s my sitch:
I have been the primary breadwinner (self-employed, work at home) for 3½ years. Before 2001 we both worked full-time, but even though he made about twice as much, we divided the housework fairly evenly.
After he lost his job, I had to really ramp up my hours to make up the difference. It’s better now, but I still spend a LOT of time in this chair, including evenings and weekends. He’s had jobs on and off, and when he’s mostly unemployed or works evening hours, he plays Mr. Mom and does most of the dishes, cooking, etc. But when, say, he’s working double shifts this week at his two sub jobs, then I find a way to keep up with the dishes and have something ready for him to eat when he gets home. Or the dishes just stack up for the week and we throw a pizza in the oven. We play it all by ear – there’s no set schedule.
OK, your list:
1) Laundry (including sheets and bath towels)
He’s done all our laundry since we started living together. He’s more fussy about how his stuff gets dried, so he gets to do it. Plus he has more pressing laundry demands, needing clothes for work, whereas I can sit around in the same grubs for three days if I want. We’ve always used a laundromat, and when I can I come along and help unload, fold, etc. But he does all the sorting and deciding what’s dry enough. We’ll be finally buying a washer and dryer soon, though (knock wood), so I’ll be able to throw in my own load now and then.
2) vacuuming
It is to laugh! This gets done pretty much whenever we’re expecting company, and not really any other time, maybe once a month or so. Usually I do it, but he will do it also. We don’t really have any finished floors, though (the house is a work in progress), so it’s not a big deal.
3) dusting
See “vacuuming” above.
4) cooking
Whoever’s hungry or has the energy or an idea of what to cook. If that’s nobody, then we make a sandwich or have a bowl of cereal. (Ah, the advantages of not having kids.) When we have time we like to try new recipes together.
5) dishes
Usually him, but I will turn to once or twice a week. He likes to do dishes first thing in the morning to soak his slightly arthritic hands in the hot water and think about what he’s going to do today. He almost never does ALL the dishes, wipes down the counter and stove, etc. But I’m not going to complain. (I do make sure to do those things when I do the dishes, though.)
6) clean bathrooms
Again, usually before company comes, or if it gets too grody to stand.
7) feed/water dogs/cats
Usually this was all him, but now that he’s working evenings I do all the dog feeding and med dispensing. He takes the springers out first thing in the morning and for their last run before bed; feeds the outside cats; and feeds the cockatiel. I feed (and now medicate) the shepherd twice a day, and scoop chow and water for the springers once a day.
8) if you have cats (cleans litter boxes)
N/A
9) yard work
All his job, because he knows what he wants to do. With the house a work in progress, there is always construction to work on. I won’t even bore you with the seemingly endless list that he’s always working on. Plus firewood season is coming up. Once in a while I get a wild hair and create a project for myself. Right now there are nine bags of cedar mulch out there with my name on them.
10) Keeps track of all finances
Mostly me these days. He has a credit card payment, and buys some groceries and lumber. I take care of everything else. I also manage the calendar.
11) Grocery shopping
About an equal split; I buy most of them, but we like to go together. He will gladly take a list I’ve made and make a grocery run if I’m too busy to go.
12) Who does most of the errand runs (misc stuff)
Usually me during the week, because I’m here – running dogs to the vet and things like that. I often have to take a UPS package to town, and I try to combine local errand running with that (about 10 miles round trip). For trips to “the big city” for lumber or “real shopping” (40 miles one way minimum) we like like to make a day (or evening) of it and have a nice meal while we’re out. When you work at home out in the sticks, a trip to the lumber yard can be A Big Deal.
What does this household schedule look like on a daily basis? Do you do everything on Saturday or spread it out?
For me, at least, being self-employed, the concept of “Saturday” is nonexistent. Things get done when there is a block of time to do them, or when we have the lumber, or when the weather is cooperating. Nobody nags anyone else. If I need him to do something, or he needs me to do something, we just ask, indicating when we need it done by, and it gets done.
So I guess I would have to say that we consider keeping our home a team effort. Perhaps I am lucky because hubby lived on his own for about 10 years before we met. I’ve never understood why some men think they are exempt from taking care of the house just because they have a penis.