Poll: Which of these do you like best for an opening?

[Sampiro]

It’s for the same story either way, though the difference in 1(or 1B) and 2(or 2B) makes a big difference as to structure.

**1. **

“Doll baby scoot over to your right a little, you’re blocking the body. Right’s that way sweetheart. Now say ‘Popeye’!”

1B. variant on the above

“Scootch over to your right doll baby, you’re blocking the body! No right sweetheart… that way… alright now, say ‘Popeye!’”

2.

Ella Lee was the reason I assumed all black women had twelve toes until an embarrassingly late age, or at least that they had twelve toenails. The extra middle toe on each of her feet was not quite separated from its twin but did have its own cuticle.

**2B. ** variant on the above

I assumed until an embarrassingly late age that all black women had twelve toes, or at very least twelve toenails. Ella Lee had an extra middle toe on each foot not quite fully separated from its twin but each did have its own cuticle and nail.

(In case you’re wondering it’s not Ella Lea talking in 2.)

[gwendee]

I voted for 1B because it seemed likely to lead me to a specific place faster than either of the Ella Lee Options.

Since extra toes are currently in the lead I would like to submit that of those two I think option 2 is the stronger one.

[Giles]

I’d recast 2 as:

Ella Lee was the reason I assumed until an embarrassingly late age that all black women had twelve toes, or at least that they had twelve toenails. The extra middle toe on each of her feet was not quite separated from its twin but did have its own cuticle.

[Little_Nemo]

I liked 2B. It’s a memorable opening line which grabs the reader. You’re better off not mentioning Ella Lee directly in the first line (as in #2) because that draws the reader into the second line.

The dialogue openings just don’t seem as interesting to me.

[Sampiro]

I’ll line item withdraw the part about hating Jesus and poor children just so some can answer more honestly without betraying any convictions. Hating kittens stays though since it just stands to reason…

[InterestedObserver]

2. Definately 2.

Why? it introduces both characters (the narrator and Ella Lee) and presents an interesting scenario that holds the reader’s interest.

As a writer myself, this is just the one I would go with.

I have nothing against dialogue openings…they can be perfect. But given the options presented, 2.

eta, or 2B. It depends on the direction of the story…is Ella Lee a significant character or not? If not, and if the focus is on the narrator, go with 2B.

(see? That’s the problem with us writers; we re-write/edit CONSTANTLY! :))

[Sigmagirl]

The difference between 1 and 1B is not that much, but 2 is FAR more of a hook than 2B.

[kayT]

I think opening with dialogue gets it moving a little quicker for me; I chose 1B because “scootch” is one of my favorite words and leading with it seems to set the stage really fast.

[Mean_Mr.Mustard]

But I would change it to:

*…not quite separated from its twin but did boast its own cuticle. *

[thelurkinghorror]

1B is better than 1. 1 is in desperate need for a comma or something.

2 is better than 2B, for reasons above.

[aruvqan]

2 sounds more like your story telling ‘voice’ to me. It seems to flow a lot better than any of the other options.