Pooky, the Exploding Bird.

Welcome to the newest installment of “Teenage Hijinx and Tomfoolery”. In this episode, Jester and his friends find a way to both waste time and learn a valuable life lesson.*

[sub]Warning: Above statement may only be 50% true.[/sub]

And now, the story:

Whilst filming a movie for my friend’s school project, he, myself, and a few other friends came upon a very important decision. We came to the unquestionable conclusion that something had to die for the purpose of our art.

Only problem is, we don’t have the guts to actually kill anything alive. This threw a considerably large wrench into the works. But, being who we are, we decided to not let logic and/or reason, and simply find a substitute for a living creature.

A quick trip to the Variety Store a block away yielded just the perfect non-organic victim. Sitting on the “Easter Discount Shelf” was…well, it was a peep. A little toy wind-up walking chick with fuzz on it and an adorable widdle beak and bright shiny black eyes.

Immeadiately, we knew we had to have it. After shelling out a big five dollars for the toy, we took it home, and gave it a name. It’s name was Pooky.

Pooky had to die.

My friend Sean, who is admittadly a bit off-kilter, but has fireworks, came over with a bag of demolition products, and we were ready to launch Operation: Kill the Fuzzy Bird-Thingie.

Taking apart a strip of small firecrackers, we put four of them into a small cluster that looked exactly like a miniature version of the dinamite clusters in Wil E. Coyote cartoons. We were proud. We attatched the bundle to Pooky’s neck with a twisty tie, and went out to the driveway with a box of matches and a camera. We had constructed the world’s first Peep-bomb. God help us all.
The first trial run, I’ll admit, didn’t go as planned. We had to devise a way to wind Pooky up, light his fuse, and then put him down and run like Hell. When we finally accomplished this, Pooky walked for a while, then fell over, and, worst of all, didn’t blow up. We were forced to construct a new bundle, then go through the entire process again.

This time, though, we were rewarded heartily. Pooky began walking forward, then must have seen the hand with the match coming towards him, cause he veered to the right and began running away. Alas, Pooky’s stubby, mechanical legs were no match for anything moving more than 0.1 inches per minute. The fuse was lit, Pooky fell over onto his side in defeat, and blew up.

However, we found out that mechanical toys are a Darwinist’s dream, because when the smoke cleared, Pooky remained on his side, his legs flailing about, fully in one piece.

On further inspection, we found that the fireworks had actually propelled themselves out of the twisty tie bonds and rocketed to demolitions heaven somewhere. They HAD, however, left a nice big scorch mark on Pooky’s back, where his cute downy coat had melted into his plastic hide.

We decided that, since we were too lazy to try again, this was good enough, and Pooky had earned his right to live. So, while we didn’t actually KILL anything, we did come out of the experience with new respect for Chinese craftsmanship, a new mascot for our movie, and great footage of a chicken walking around with a bomb on its back.

All together, a pretty average Friday. For me, at least.

Oh, dear Lord.

Another sign of the Decline Of Western Society…

Kids these days, can’t properly blow-up chinese wind-up toys, harrumph!

In my day, we had to make our own firecrackers. And we didn’t have nitrates or fancy aluminum powder. No, we had to use clay and rotten veggies. And another thing: We didn’t have wind-up toys. We had to use stick figures. Except we didn’t have any sticks.

[sub]In the snow. Barefoot. Both directions.[/sub]

Omigod.

So I’ve been here better than a year, more than 1k posts…

…and finally. FINALLY…

/me spits gin at her monitor.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!

:D:D:D:D:D

Oh, Jester! I laughed so hard, I fell off my chair and was asked to leave the room. Will you marry me?

Oh, suck it up. You and your older generation are just trying to keep us down, dude. It’s all the MAN, crampin’ my style. We gotta FIGHT THE POWER, STAND AGAINST OPPRESSION, and KILL WHITEY!!

Wait, maybe not that last one…

Anyway, Esme, I’d be happy to marry you, but it might not be a good move on your part, since I can’t promise that I’ll treat the kids any different than poor Pookie.

One final note: If I can get my friend to get off his ass and upload it, footage of Pookie’s semi-demise may be on the web soon. I’ll keep all of you posted.

chique, I almost forgot to say thank you! I’m flattered, and happy to have helped you achieve such a…errr…milestone.

Yet another sign… No respect for one’s elders. Harrumph. <Cough-gag-wheeze>
You young whipper-snappers have no respect for tradition. Where’s the ‘put Pooky in the street’ bit? How come you actually paid for Pooky when there’s hundreds of Pooky-wannabes out there waiting to be ‘appropriated’?

Kids these days! Gotta learn everthing the hard way…

[sub]Up hill. In a blizard. And that was during the summer. In winter it got real nasty… <wheeze-snore…>[/sub]

Poor Pooky. Where is he now?
:frowning:

Guin, Pooky is safely at Jester’s house. He is quite happy and is enjoying his rest, having earned his right to live so valliently.

I saw him for myself.

He even has a little name tag taped to his rear.
I assure you he will be well cared for…

And if they try to blow him up again, they’ll have to get past me. But, that’s not such a hard thing to do…

Oh dear Lord!!! That was the best laugh I’ve had for a week! Jester, next time you engage in ChickenDynamics, give me a call; I have got to see that in person

:smiley: <— my first and only smile this bad week; you rock

Le Sang, I assure you that you’ll be the first one we call. Hell, I might just bring the whole movie to the next PittDope, if we ever have one.

And Tranquilis, we discussed placing Pookie in front of the nearest car, or dropping something very heavy on him, but decided that he had made a valient struggle, and deserved to be kept alive as our movie’s mascot.

Or at least until we get bored again.:smiley:

Why dintcha just throw a baseball at him?

Ah, good! You’re at least paying lip-service to the old traditions. Or maybe you’re just humoring an old fart (That’s a tradition, too).

May I recommend a bowling ball out of a nice high tree, should you become bored? Depending on how good your aim is, and whether or not you’re under a chemical handicap, Pooky might yet live…

[sub]Such a nice kid, Jester. He’ll go far, I bet. If he lives… <Snore-cough-snore…>[/sub]

Jester, just what class was this for?

(Please don’t say physics…)

Hell, couldn’t he be a companion for Eric?

You are really one of a king, Jester.
In a good way.
:stuck_out_tongue:

Sorry for the shameless bump, but I wanted to cry out to the Heavens that the movie is FINALLY done, in all its plotless, random glory.

Got a damn good grade, too.

Anyway, for the end, we were thinking of hitting Pooky with a golf club, to see what kind of distance we could get. We didn’t, though, and opted for footage of Rob falling flat on his face to be the last shot of the film.

Glorious. Simply niftilicious.

I am witness. Just this past week I was forced to sit and watch this movie that was spawned from the imaginations of Jester and his friends.

It wasn’t half bad…

Actually, it was pretty good…

<sigh>

We’ve waited long enough, already! Make with getting the movie on the web!

[sub]I just wanna see if y’all young-uns can make me spit beer on my monitor…[/sub]

Mail me a copy!