Popehat on Giuliani's defense strategies

[Derleth]

These are just gold.

Introductory tweet:

@Popehat

Giuliani really has a talent for putting defense arguments as unconvincingly, unappealingly, and suspiciously as possible. If his son were a Manhattan gynecologist he’d go around saying “my boy spends his days fingering women near the park.”

@Popehat

Judge: Mr. Giuliani, how does your client plead?

Guuliani: Oh Your Honor, he’s all, “pleeeease, Rudy, I can’t got to jail, you’ve got to help me, I didn’t mean to strangle another one, I just get so angry”

Judge: …

Giuliani: [makes ta-da gesture]

Judge: [puts face in hands]

@Popehat

[At a naturalization hearing]

Immigration Judge [going through checklist]: Mr. Giuliani, does your client advocate the overthrow of the government by force or violence?

@RudyGiuliani : Violence.

Judge: No, it’s not…

Giuliani: Definitely violence.

@Dan Sandler

Judge: How do you plead?

Giuliani: He could not have murdered the victim, he was burying another body at the time.

Judge: …

Giuliani: Anyways, you should dismiss the case immediately, my client has already talked to the witnesses and convinced them he was not there.

This is my favorite one:

@Popehat

Judge: Mr. Giuliani, are you making an opening statement?

Giuliani: Yes judge. [to jury] Ladies and gentlemen there are two questions before you today. Do cocktail waitresses have unforeseeably fragile necks? And did my client break one?

Jury: …

Giuliani: just like fuckin SNAP

[P-man]

Remember when he was the moderate Republican mayor of New York? If he’d spewed crap like that when he ran for.mayor he would have been lucky to win Staten Island.