Possible new life plan -scared to death!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok, this is a bit complex, so I thought I should warn all would-be readers.

Anyway, I am 30 and have spent the last 10 years desperately trying to find my niche. I have worked, usually at the entry level, in many different types of jobs and went through several majors in college trying to find something I could be happy doing day-in, day-out.

I graduated from college with a degree in English Lit. I have been in administrative positions, which is not my niche, ever since. My current job is working at a large state university. I like it here better than anywhere else and when I started, I was set on using the tuition assistance program to attend grad school in English Lit. I only applied to the program here at my university and am currently waiting to hear back.

In the past couple of weeks, I have had a breakthrough. I was doing dishes the other night and suddenly I knew how to write my novel (weird, but true). I have had the idea for 5 years and have always hit a wall with the premise, but now I know exactly what to do. I had given up on my novel and thought that going to graduate school for English Lit was the only way to incorporate writing into a career with lots of autonomy. I am not a prolific writer and I do not want to teach. I lack classroom management skills, which I painfully discovered after a failed student teaching experience.

I do not think I want to go to grad school anymore. I do want to leave the midwest. I do not like where I am living and only moved here to be with my husband. We are already saddled with his student loan debt and cannot take on more. I want to move and have children and someday be free of debt and getting a PhD may make meeting those goals near impossible.

I know that someday I want to run a ferret shelter. I am better with animals than people. I am thinking of becoming a vet tech. My ultimate goal would not be to be a vet tech, but I believe I would be good at it. Also, it could open doors to working in shelters, rescues, or zoos. I have wanted to work with animals my whole life, but gave up on the idea when I was younger because I knew I didn’t have the science skills to get through grad programs in marine biology or veterinary medicine. My mom suggested being a vet tech after a recent conversation about why I did not pursue becoming a veterinarian.

However, if we are to move, we need to save a lot of money. Hopefully, my husband will be able to get a job ahead of time in Portland, Seattle, or Las Vegas (target cities). He will have a year or so worth of advertising agency experience and a few more of production experience at the local cable station. In order to save money, I can’t afford to start the vet tech classes before we leave, even though I want to get started. I plan to start volunteering at the local humane society very soon in order to get started in some small way.

To further complicate matters, we only have one car. My husband commutes to the major city near us to work at the ad agency. We live close enough to campus that I can take the bus or walk. The car is a 2004 Chevy Cavalier and we are afraid that we need a new car in order to take the wear and tear of the commute and avoid a fried engine. We hope to move in a year and a half.

I feel like my life is deadlocked. I worked so hard to get my application for grad school together and for a long time thought it was the only possible way out. Suddenly, I don’t think so anymore. Does my situation sound hopeless? My friends and family are reeling from this sudden switch-around. Is this possible? Does anyone else have any stories to share about dramatic and sudden new decisions and how it worked out?

2

Vets need admins too. Maybe that would be a step along the way - work in vet’s office, and get a feeling for the atmosphere and if it’s something you could do. Actually getting into the office where you might be working can be very helpful for decision-making - you could love it, and it really cements your decision, or you might hate every minute of it, in which case it would be good that you knew that before spending the money on classes.

I wouldn’t worry about dropping the grad school idea. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s better you figured it out now than later.

My husband doesn’t want to leave Calgary, but I do (mostly - I’m not 100% sure either). We’ll be here for a while at least; sometimes you just have to be patient and plan your future as best you can and wait until the right time to make your move. I really envy people who are living exactly where they want to - I still have to figure that one out.

I know Cavaliers are crap, but it’s only a couple of years old - are you sure you aren’t borrowing trouble there, worrying about the car at this point?

3

I can’t tell you how it works out, but here is my story and “new life plan”…

7 years ago I moved to another province to the school where, I believed, I would eventually apply for vet school (there’s a theme in this thread…). Once I got there, I realized exactly how competitive the program was, what it would take to get into it, and thought “Well, no, I don’t want it THAT much”. So my career plan since I was 4 was thrown out in 4 days, and I semi-randomly chose another major… Biochemistry. Last year of that program, I start to think I don’t really care to do that, either, but heck, I only had a few classes left, and I just wanted to get out of there. So here I am, mnemosyne, BSc Honours Biochemistry.

My boyfriend from home went to another university, which as it turned out, was 45 minutes away from where I ended up. So we stayed together, moved in together. I finished my BSc, he finished his B. Eng. and I thought about moving back home… but we had no money, he wanted to go to grad school, and we were thinking of marriage… so that’s what we did.

I got a job working in a pharmaceutical company as a chemist, at the place I worked at as a student. I hated it. I was completely miserable. I couldn’t see myself lasting in that lab too long, but didn’t want any of the office jobs either. But we needed the money. So i did that while my boyfriend started grad school… he proposed… we got married… he graduated… and I said “Fuck it, we are SO leaving this province and going HOME!”

So we moved back to Québec, got new jobs, again, for me, in the pharmaceutical industry as a chemist. And I wasn’t any happier. In fact, I think it’s worse, because I now KNOW that this isn’t what I should have done. I shouldn’t have a degree in Biochem. I shouldn’t have stayed in Ontario for so long (though I love my husband, and I am happy that he found what he wanted, and I was able to make that possible for him). I just gave up a lot in the process, and always made the most practical choices rather than the ones I wanted when it came to education and career.

So now it’s my turn, and I’ve spent a year asking myself “what do I want?”

I’ve applied to university again. Undergrad. I’m looking at 5 years of schooling (4 year program, plus a year of catch-up courses first) and at the end of it all, assuming I stick with it (I still have doubts…!) I’ll have a B.Eng in Mechanical Engineering. I’ll be 31.

Seriously, I think I’ve gone crazy. I am terrified too, but I’m happy to read about your situation, and know that I’m not the only person who feels they made the wrong choice and now want to start new.

I’ll let you know how it works out!

4

If hampsters can power a message board, why can’t ferrets power a car?

5

I left a well paid, well respected, programming and lecturing job (in the city) to work in chess administration (which fascinated me). It only paid peanuts and was in a small town. :slight_smile:

It fell apart after a few months (not my fault!) :eek:

I couldn’t get my old job back.
I also had to sell the house I had just bought and move back to the city. :smack:

However I had enough savings (and self-belief) to try a related line of work.
After a year, I got a marvellous offer and now have a well paid, well respected job teaching chess.

Why not plan to pay down your debts whilst training for something you like?

6

Thank you for your responses - they helped me to feel better.

featherlou , I have thought about working in a vet’s office prior to leaving the midwest, but I have been through 3 jobs in the past 3 years and don’t think I would want to make another switch with a year to go (I barely managed this one without my head exploding from too much new info). I know that sounds self-defeating, but also I don’t think I would make as much at a vet’s office or have the cheap, great benefits that the university provides. If it ends up being more than a year, then I will start looking at that option. Also, no vet’s offices within walking distance and the public transportation here sucks :smack: .

My first job after graduating was being an office manager at a doctor’s office. Well, that’s a little misleading because it makes it sound like there were more employees besides me for the first six months. Because the doctor was just starting private practive I learned how to take x-rays, do billing, assist with procedures, etc. I really liked it and if my boss hadn’t had a minor psychotic break :eek: (she’s a great doctor and good person, just had a bad time personally), I would still be there. I know I liked that sort of work and so I feel confident that vet tech would be a good fit.

You are probably right about worrying about the car thing. I tend to worry a lot. While my life is in such gulag, I figure that volunteering at the humane society is a good first step. :cool:

Thanks you also mnemosyne and glee , your stories helped me to not feel so alone.

7

A friend of one of my brothers is a compulsive student. She’s already got three college degrees at the Bachelor’s level, plus a master’s; the spanish Official Language School divides any language in 5 levels: she’s already passed 5th of English, now working on German (4th) and French (2nd). She’s also working full time and on yet another bachelor’s: this time, PoliSci. Like all her previous degrees, she’s getting it through the “long distance university” (UNED).

Talking with her about the coursework for PoliSci made my brother realize that it’s got a lot of subjects in common with his own degree, Business Admin. So he got a look at it, was toying with the idea of signing up but it’s not like he doesn’t do anything all day, would he really be able to manage it while working full time? Then there was some piece in the news re. young people and politics. Although it was national news, the two people (each from one of the biggest parties) who were interviewed were both old classmates of his.

He’s trying to get waivers for about 1/4 of the total credits; taking several courses, so far with good grades. And toying with the idea of some day being an Eurocomisario or however you say it in English :smiley: This is a guy that’s easily classified as “bland,” “unimaginative” and “unadventurous” (after all, when did CFOs get a reputation for the opposite? Never, as far as I know, not even Enron’s).

It’s your dreams and your life. And like featherlou said, better figure out that grad school isn’t what you need now, than five years from now.

8

I also wanted to add that I really appreciate featherlou and Nava’s support of my thought of ditching out before beginning down the grad school road. I was so sure of this idea up until a few months ago that I feel like the little boy who cried wolf, especially since my current idea is so radically different :dubious: .

I have literally had panic attacks :eek: over the idea of balancing grad school and working full time (must do for tuition assistance, which covers one class per semester). With such limited access to transportation, I am going to have to spend some time figuring out how to do the humane society volunteering, much less grad school.

If I was to stay here for a masters degree, it would take 3-5 years (assuming the tuition assistance route for at least a year). My husband and I had a talk about this and it really helped me to clarify things when he committed to leaving the midwest if I did not get in. If I was to do a masters and then move, I would have to hope and pray to be accepted into a PhD program in that city or another where my husband could get a job. He does advertising/ production work and needs to be in a city like Seattle, Portland, Vegas, Chicago, LA, or NY to explore his career options fully. Even though we live near a big city, he was so limited in his last job hunt because this is not a big ad or production city :mad: .

If we are able to move in a year or so (and we are willing to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to make that happen -move to a cheap apartment, get rid of cable, whatever), then I will look for a job in a vet’s office immediately. There are options for online vet tech schools, but most want you to have animal experience or to be working at a vet office. If only the money and transportation weren’t factors, I would start looking tomorrow. As it is, I will hopefully pull some good experience and maybe a reference from volunteering. :smiley:

I think that this is the right decision. I feel like I can breathe (sort of) for the first time in a long time. I am excited about moving and working with animals and I haven’t been excited about the future for a long time. There are definitely challenges, but I am feeling better about them. Being able to write about it and hear feedback has been so helpful! Thank you for letting me participate in Therapy Dope :wink: .

9

Reading your descriptions of how you feel about both options, I think it’s pretty obvious what you want to do (and don’t want to do). Panic attacks are a pretty clear sign, in my opinion. :smiley: It sounds a little bit like you’re making the classic mistake of thinking everything must be decided and started on right away. Slow down - take your time, make your decisions, let things fall into place. Life has a way of working things out for you when you stop pushing so hard.

Have you thought about getting a little scooter for transportation? I would love to have one of those, but Calgary winters make it unrealistic for most of the year (snowed again last night, dammit).

10

For the past nearly two years, I’ve been in counseling with a pretty good therapist, Lisa. Why am I in therapy? Because I have no life. No, that’s not true, I have a life, but I didn’t like it and seemed to be unable to move forward in any direction. I began my career as a mother at 16, and with the two older Hallkids leaving the nest, my Mom Duties were suddenly cut by 2/3, and I felt like I had to begin taking a hard look at what my next steps would be once the remaining 1/3 left (which will be in about 4-5 years).

I’ve always wanted to write, but put it off as something I’d do “someday”. About six months ago, I began working with an Executive Coach, something that my current employer gave to me as a gift. At first, I thought it was hokey, and wasn’t too thrilled about the idea of it, but soon became hooked. Between my therapist and my executive coach, I am finally getting my ass in gear and doing some serious writing. I’ve gotten a few short stories down and out (written down on paper and out the door by being submitted for publishing), and am working on what began as a short story, but is evolving as a novel.

It’s been the most difficult period of my life, but it’s also been the most joyous. About four weeks ago, it dawned on me that I’m in therapy because I’ve been fighting my desire to be a writer. I’m keeping my day job–the benefits are really good and the pay is keeping a roof over my head–and the idea of being a writer and having my work out there is scary as anything I’ve ever done, but I’m doing it.

I figure life is too damn short and I’m so sick and tired of being afraid (which is another post entirely), but something that helped me was asking myself, “What would I regret not doing the most if I died?” (Aside from breathing and the heart beat and stuff.) Writing was the first thing that jumped into my mind and even though I thought, “Oh, I’d like to do this, or that”, writing was the one thing that was standing in front, waving it’s arms and yelling the loudest, regardless of how much I tried to avoid looking directly at it.

11

featherlou I think you are so right about my desire to have everything resolved right now. My husband regularly comments on this bad habit :smack: . Of course, he is the easy going type who is on the road that he wants to be on and I feel like a race car with a stalled engine.

Additionally, when my husband got his current job, we talked about a scooter for me, but we didn’t do it. I ride in to the university with my neighbor (she works in another dept.) and ride out on the bus (which only runs during the school year :mad: ). I might look more seriously at the scooter option, but I am pretty obsessive when it comes to saving programs (if only we had a little more to save) and think I will see if it becomes more necessary or if the plan to move takes longer than expected.

I posed myself the question just like phall0106 except I tried to imagine a genie coming to my door and saying, “If you choose my left hand, you will be an English Lit professor. You will have summers off, you will have professional respect and autonomy, you will be able to write and research, go on sabbaticals, travel, and make halfway decent money. If you choose my right hand, you will run a ferret shelter. You will work tirelessly, for very little money, in a thankless job. You will witness horrific treatment of animals, but you will be able to help them and give them a safe place to go. You will be able to decide who can adopt your fuzzies and you will spend each day with fuzzies.” I would choose the right hand.

Good luck on your book phall0106 , I will drink a toast (or smoke a bowl) to both of us being published authors! Another bowl to both of us being able to draw a decent income from our books! :smiley:

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melangell, are you me? :smiley:
I don’t have a burning desire to run a ferret rescue, but I am suddenly finding myself contemplating a major change of life path. I have the advantage of being young at 25, but I’ve always chosen the practical path of taking jobs for the very practical reason of being able to pay the mortgage while my husband is in grad school. I’ve enjoyed all of my jobs, and they’ve always fallen in line with my interests, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life doing the work I’m doing now. It’s not stimulating or challenging in any way whatsoever, and while it pays reasonably well, has a fantastic benefits package, and could easily run into a “career,” it’s really not what I want to be doing the rest of my life. When I imagine what I want my life to look like, and the life I want to help provide for my family, I have a lovely, clear picture of what I want it to be.

I have started and developed a reasonably successful home-based business doing something I both love and am very good at and that I feel will tie in quite well with what I really want to be doing which is… farming.

I have a BA in a completely unrelated field, but do have some experience, including a lifelong enjoyment of livestock species, I had a flock of sheep when I was a kid. NajaPop is a vet in a deeply agricultural area and I spent a lot of time on farms and working with livestock as a kid as a result… so it’s not totally out in left field, but it is a little random to say “I want to start a farm when I grow up!” Plus, it seems that soooo many people in farming have been in it for generations, and with big agriculture the way it is in the US, well… the prospect is a bit daunting.

But I have this mental picture of a small farm of twenty acres or so, with a small number of heritage breed dairy cattle and a flock of Jacob sheep. I want a few goats, a big kitchen garden, and enough field space to keep my stock 100% pastured (no feedlots whatsoever or industrial agriculture practices) and raise grain crops so my stock can eat organic green feed twelve months out of the year and live as comfortably and naturally as possible. Along with this is the desire to support and propagate livestock breeds that are going swiftly extinct due to the massive production of only the breeds most “efficient” for commercial production. I have a primary goal of raising most of the food my family eats as far as grass-fed, home butchered meat and sustainably grown veggies and grain go. I want to produce and sell small-batch artisan cheeses and handspun wool for hobby knitters.

I also feel like it’s deeply satisfying to make a living from my own head, hands, and heart and to live a quiet, pastoral life, going to bed tired at night due to hard work and not due to too much junk food or junk entertainment. I have wanted a horse since I was teeny-tiny, and with this life I can not only keep a horse for pleasure, but for draft work as well! :smiley: And you know, I really want to have the kind of life where I can be outside most of the day, not spending all my time working for another person’s (or company’s) goals, depending on someone else for my paycheck, and just generally having to work on someone else’s schedule, dress code, and whatever other HR crap you might imagine.

I’ve been in kind of a run-down mental place for the last year or two, just feeling like I was sort of drifting along in my life’s current, rather than directing the flow… and like others in the thread I’ve taken the practical path rather than deciding what I really wanted to do and making choices to support that. Partly it’s because I chose to “follow” my husband to grad school and support us while he’s doing it–and I absolutely don’t regret the choice, but it has had the effect of limiting my ability to make proactive career choices. I’d always sort of had this inner dream of “someday” having a hobby farm and one day the light went on and I thought “well, why the hell not? And why a hobby? I could make a living doing this.” And in the end, it’s not necessarily a goal of making a lot of money as a farmer (ha ha) but it’s about being sustainable and living a good life for myself, my partner, and our as-yet hypothetical children. It’s important to us to have one parent at home with them, and I love the idea of having a home life that provides a useful and productive life for my kids, too. Instead of having to invent structured exercise and chase them away from video games, my kids could be out riding the horses, weeding the garden, or playing with the dogs. I can keep making handcrafted dog gear and maybe even venture into horse tack in time. And all along, I can be at home to raise my kids.

Farming is hard, even and maybe even especially on a small scale, but the idea strikes a deep, resonant chord in me. I know it can be done, and I’ve found a few small scale, 100% pastured dairies who are willing to offer advice and be mentors in the process.

I, too, am deeply impatient and want to start working on the dream ASAP but reality strikes again and we are likely to be moving somewhere as yet undetermined when NajaHusband finishes his PhD and finds his job, so I can’t make any major plans until I know where we’re living, what sort of property we will be able to afford, and what kinds of crops and stock I can grow in that area. At least I can spend the time studying, making plans, and socking away money.

One idea I did want to offer is looking at the university where you work and checking to see if there are animal related jobs on campus. I work at the Office of Veterinary Services and Animal Care, a department that most people on campus don’t even know exists because it (rather quietly) deals with the laboratory animals housed on campus. That particular job may or may not be to your liking, but it will give you animal care skills, diagnostic skills, and a large helping of veterinary medicine and animal handling to boot. At the last university where I worked, there was also a huge agricultural school and you could find jobs working with any or all species of livestock, or even at a raptor center providing care and rehab for sick or injured wild hawks, owls, and eagles. Interdepartmental transfers are usually pretty easy at a university, and you’d keep the great benefits usually associated. Don’t be afraid to move to a job that puts you a step ahead in your future plans, even if it’s for a fairly limited period of time.

FWIW, I’ve spent years working as a vet tech prior to my current job and NajaPop is now the dean of the vet tech program at one of a very few accredited schools in the US. If you want any advise, support, vet tech chit-chat, references, or just have questions I’d be happy to chat or put you in contact with him. He loves his job and is very, very good at what he does. You’re welcome to email me, the link is in the profile.

Good luck, and the very best of wishes. I, too, will smoke a bowl to your future success :slight_smile:

13

Somehow I also forgot to mention the major school of veterinary medicine :smack: , where you can also get a job as a cage-cleaner, dog-walker, veterinary assistant–which is one step down from a tech and doesn’t require licensing but gives you a big taste of the job and what it involves, day to day. You may very well be able to get an entry level job as a veterinary assistant to get you started in some small way, rather than or in addition to volunteering at a shelter.

14

NajaNivea , I think that you and I need to organize a life swap :slight_smile: ! I live in Kansas and what you are talking about is possible. I even know of a person or two who are living lives very similar to what you describe. I am extremely impressed by how well laid out your plan is. I can actually see in my mind the life that you are working to bring into reality.

I am on the same page with you regarding the HR bs, unchallenging (yet extremely time and memory consuming work), making the practical choices in order to sacrifice for a better tomorrow, and following your husband to a place different than what would have been chosen otherwise.

After reading your post, I looked closer at the university website and found that we do have an animal care unit on campus. I had looked previously for vet options, but we don’t seem to have any here. I am definitely going to go visit and find out more information. Thank you for your suggestions and the offer to visit with you and/ or your father. I will definitely take you up on that. If it is OK, please expect an email from me in a month or so.

The past few months have been particularly rough and, with the addition of this new decision, I feel like I have been hit by a MAC truck. I think I am going to re-charge the batteries a bit and then be ready to go full speed ahead. Also, I know of a successful dairy farm here that employs many of the techniques you spoke of (natural, organic, no hormones or bad stuff) and is successfully selling their natural milk in glass bottles at the local grocery stores (best milk ever!), so maybe we can help each other :smiley: .

Also, I have thought about the vet assistant option as well, but don’t know as much about it. I know it is less expensive and might be something I could do before moving. I have much to wrap my mind around :eek: . I will be in touch and really appreciate your offer of assistance. In the meantime, my best wishes for you :slight_smile: .

15

Thanks so much for the nice words. It’s going to sound really hokey, but right around the time I watched Six Feet Under I started thinking about the lives we lead and how much joy we ought to be taking in them. I started thinking–when I look back over my life, what do I want to remember living? And kids, I think of it as such a sacred undertaking, you know? I don’t want to be parents just for the sake of putting more bodies on the planet, I want us to raise good, mentally and physically healthy kids who have a deeply instilled love for the natural world. What better way to achieve that goal than to live a little closer to the planet, ourselves? Plus, I’m tired of so much of everything that goes in, on, and around my body having come out of a factory at some point or another.

I think we too often dismiss our dreams as frivolous or put them off into the musty realm of “someday”. I think it’s extremely important to have a vision of how you want your life to be, and then to asl yourself how you are going to get there… from here. Remember it’s all about babysteps. Babysteps out of the office… Babysteps into the elevator… all the way onto the bus ;).

If the animal care department is responsible for laboratory animal care, you might want to take a peek at the AALAS website for some familiarity with what’s involved in being an animal technician, and I’d be happy to tell you about my work, of course. They’ve got a Wiki page, too.

Veterinary assisting is basically doing the grunt work at the clinic. You may feed and water critters, walk the dogs, scrub surgical tools, prepare surgery packs, stuff. Hanging out with dad I did most stuff up to surgical assisting–it just depends on the clinic you work at. In some clinics, the assistants are really grunt workers, and some clinics they’re effectively unlicensed techs doing the same work. You may or may not need experience to get hired, and often don’t. It’s also a really good way to get in the “vet tech” door before shucking out the money for school. In a good assistant position you’ll learn a hell of a lot on the job and if you decide to go on to get licensed you’ll be that much further ahead. That’s why I said not to be afraid of moving into a new job for experience, no matter how minor the connection. If it’s going to help you get where you want to be, then why spend another year and a half doing something that’s going to get you nowhere? On the other hand, if being a vet tech isn’t really your passion, then think about what your dream job is. Ferret shelters aren’t typically what you’d call profitable, so if you need a day job to support the passion then it ought to be something you’re happy about doing a good chunk of the time.

If you want to work with exotics, you absolutely could volunteer for a zoo–that’s just about the only way to get in the door with them without advanced biology degrees, and someone practically has to die before they’re hiring. Sometimes shelters hire, but they often want experience and also tend to look for very specific personalities, and the pay is usually dismal. If you want to hang out with animals outdoors, look into the bio department on your campus and see if there is a field biology lab or two that are hiring techs. A friend of mine spent an entire summer getting paid to go hiking and count gopher snakes for a lab on campus. The school where I work has a really lovely marine biology department; if I lived closer to the coast I’d work there in a heartbeat. There are a lot of ways to work with animals and get paid. Like I said, if you’ve got to pay the bills, it might as well be dong something that makes your little heart go pitter-pat–or at least not make you want to put your fork through your eyeball on your half-hour scheduled lunch break ;).

I fully expect an email when you’re ready, and I’ll be more than happy to do what I can to help.

16

You do know that when you raise kids on a farm, they spend their entire childhoods planning for how to get off the farm and get back into civilization, right, NajaNivea? :smiley:

17

One of my favorite quotes from Kurt Vonnegut is from Cat’s Cradle:

“Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.”

On a personal level, I have always found that unexpected deviations from my original plans usually took me to a far better place.

If something is telling you to go off in a different direction, put on those dancing shoes and go.

18

:smiley:

At least they’ll never whine about not having pets!