Definitely not an Amateur Detective.
Eats garbage.
Yarr, has been diligently observing International Talk Like a Pirate Day…
Here come the judge,
Business owner
Guess how tall he is.
Has kittens
Is old.
Is kinky. 
Lives/works on a horse farm. I’m green-eyed envious.
Evidently likes horses and wishes to work on a horse farm.
Has no car payments.
Enjoys cartoons.
Is pretty damn good at cryptic crossword puzzles
Does not personally know C-3PO
Has never been in my kitchen.
Alright alright, Elendil’s Heir got Willem Dafoe’s autograph.
Running and drinking beer. Yes, I can read a profile.
Used to be called ddsun, or some such. And is in Oregon.
Does not live in Yoknapatawpha County.