Post Your Clueless Rants Here

The BBQ Pit
1

Ok, this was inspired by Juniper200’s legitimate rant regarding her damaged DVD from Amazon. I almost posted it in reply to her rant, but decided I shouldn’t make light of her disappointment.

Anyway, my clueless rant:

I was told how great a movie that “Memento” was, how the clever ending would blow me away, so I went out and bought a copy.

Goddamn you, Media Play, or whoever put this fucking DVD together. You stupid pieces of shit. I got the movie, grabbed some popcorn and slipped it into the player, and watched.

THE MOTHERFUCKING MOVIE IS FUCKING BACKWARDS!!!

I kid you fucking not! My copy of the movie is backwards! You fuckwads, can’t you even copy the damn thing in the right order?! Jesus H. Christ!

And what the hell happened, did you run out of money, Mr. Filmmaker, and have to complete half the movie in cheap black and white? Well, at least you got the cheap black and white parts in the correct order!!. . . fuckstick.

Damndamndamndamn! I want my money back or a corrected copy!

Thank you,

Sir Fucking Clueless Rhosis

See, clueless rants, well, intentionally clueless rants, I should say.

What are some of yours?

2

I bought this product called “Minute Rice” and I cooked it just the way my mother taught me to cook rice–“cooking rice, water’s twice”. One cup of rice, two cups of water, bring to a boil, turn down to a simmer, let simmer for 20 minutes, or until the water is all absorbed.

And it was the worst rice I have ever had–mush, just absolute mush.

I will never buy it again.

[sub]this is a TRUE STORY–Ducky the earnest newlywed cook, and the Better Half laughing hysterically into his plate[/sub]

3

Sir Rhosis - Don’t be so quick to exchange that DVD. If there’s a recall and most people return theirs, it could become a collector’s item! There’s a music CD that had a computer program on it instead of music. Supposedly it’s very valuable now.

4

I’m assuming that the movie didn’t actually play backwards (i.e. everyone moved in reverse and spoke like the music track to Helter-Skelter). But the movie is supposed to be “backwards.” It starts with the end of the day and then works to the beginning. The main character can’t remember anything that happened longer than fifteen minutes ago or so and the “backwardsness” is used as a plot device. For the record it is a damn good movie with a hell of a surprise ending (beginning?).

5

Woosh

6

major whoosh!

::snicker::

Zette

7

I soo know what you mean. The other day I bought a DVD called “Manos the Hands of Fate” which I was told was really funny. Well, not only did the movie suck, but the directors commentary wouldn’t stop in the corner of the screen! I couldn’t turn it off. WTF! Not only that, I don’t think the director and his staff liked the film at all. And the behind-the-scenes outtakes didn’t make any sense either!

DVD’s suck! Start a petition to ban amazon.com.

[sub]I am of course referring the MST3K version of this movie. And allow me to ad whoosh asylum[/sub]

8

I recently bought the soundtrack to the show Survivor because I wanted to hear that cool intro whenever I wanted, but the intro wasn’t even on the soundtrack! Instead, it just had some “Eye of the Tiger” song and a bunch of other ones that didn’t sound like anything from Survivor. What a ripoff! I want my money back!

9

If it’s an emergency brake, why am I able to drive around with it engaged?

Maybe asylum was being intentionally clueless?

10

I work next to the American Media tabloid-publishing building in Boca Raton. On every news channel, even the NATIONAL news and CNN, they keep talking about Anthrax playing there. The news crews are all over the place.

I’ve been there every friggin day for a week now, and I haven’t seen hide nor hair the band. I was a big fan of their album “Spreading The Disease”, and I’ve waited almost two decades to see them. Now, they are supposed to be right next door, and I haven’t seen the fuckers! Goddamn sons of whores! I hope your goddamn 80s hair ignites in the Florida sun and you burn up in a puff of hairspray!

11

I bought the DVD of “The Never Ending Story”, thinking it was a bargain!

What a rip!

12

That was the video soundtrack to Jesus Christ Superstar. Only released in London, where people brought them back in droves, saying there was nothing on it. Fortunately, an e-friend who knows I’m into things like that offered it to me at cost. All of these were sent back, and then London CD stores had people begging to buy them :rolleyes:

The Phantom of the Opera 2CD was originally released with no tracks. Only 70% were returned, with notes to the effect of “What is this shit?” The one CD highlight discs were not shipped. Nevertheless, I have found the untracked 2CD, one CD highlights disc, and a one CD highlights with a different cover and a blue sticker “Banded for radio play.”

13

I want to know what is so goddamn great about the weekend?!
What reason can you give for not showing up at work?
I want to know why more people call off work on the weekend, and do not assume that i want to work either!

I did not especially want to go in to work Saturday(10-13) night but went anyway. I can hear all y’all now, and no i don’t deserve a medal for this.You knew that, when you went into this line of work, that you may have to work evenings, and on the weekend, and holidays! The residents’ needs
do not end when the clock strikes 7pm.
We are adults here, and you know what jobs to get if you must have all weekends off. So suck it up, because having to work on the weekend is not going to be the end of the world.

14

I would try to get weekends off unless the company makes it worth your while (in my case time-and-a-half Sundays) its just better off that way. But in support of all those who do have to work each Friday and Saturday night, I have learned to adjust to friends’ schedules by going out during week. If you work weekends, you’ll just have to adjust your life. But hey, I feel for those stuck at work, I know it sucks.

15

I like milk, so I figured I would buy a cow and get all the milk I want. But the cow that was sold to me only has one udder. I’ve seen pictures of cows before and every picture I’ve seen the cow has 4 udders. So how come I have to end up with the defective cow with only one udder? I am only getting 25% of the milk I should. OK, I have to admit the cow does behave wonderfully when I milk it, but not much milk comes out for the amount of milking I do. And the milk is a lot thicker than the stuff in the stores.

16

It had been a tough week at work. I’m driving home and I pass by a shop that has a sign out front “Oriental Massage Parlor.” Perfect. I’m all tense, my neck aches, and my lower back is tighter than the Flecktones. Plus, I hear that in the Orient, they know some special relaxation techniques, probably using herbs.

So I wander in. It seemed a little pricey, but I figured hey, they must be really good.

Well let me tell you, this girl couldn’t give a massage worth a damn. She had barely worked my back and she was asking for a “tip.” And I’m not sure where she was trained, but I’m pretty sure if that nice madam woman out front knew what she was doing back there that there would be trouble. I didn’t want to cause problems so I just got dressed and left. We’ll see if I go back there again.

17

I think it’s high time that India and Israel stop fighting! I mean, why can’t they just get along and agree that Kashmir belongs to Palestine? I think the war between Islam and Muslims has gone on for far too long.

I’ve heard that nations like Great Britain have given the US its support for its war on terrorism, but what about England?

18

I recently purchased a DVD from Amazon.com, entitled Double Indemnity. Imagine my chagrin when the jewel box contained only one disc!

I immediately prepared the deficient DVD set for shipping back to Amazon.com. Included was a tersely worded letter reminding them of consumer rights in the good ole’ USofA, with snippets from the ‘truth in lending’ laws.

I may not be the only person they have tried to rip off, and my finger is on SpeedDial for the State Attorney General’s office. If they do not respond post haste, giving me full and utter satisfaction, I and my multitudinous lawyers will own Amazon.com!!

19

Ummm, ‘truth in advertising’ seems to work better.

Damn Amazon.com! My cognitive reasoning powers were on that missing disc. I spit upon thee, Amazon.com! Think you can mess with me?
(apparently, they can):slight_smile:

20

Now for my clueless rant,

<ahem>

Don’t you hate those fucking morons who don’t take the time to carefully read the *whole[i/]fucking OP? Fuckin’ retards should be banned!

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by blur *
**

[sub]yeah, i’m a moron. i noticed this earlier but when i tried to commit they were doing maintenance on the board.[/sub]