“Who stole my toothbrush?” Tom bristled.
“Anybody like surf rock?” Tom ventured.
“You’ll probably crack the block in that old Ford,” Tom bloviated.
“Well I gunned down my dad,” Tom’s son shot off.
“Help! My sidewalk lemonade kiosk has collapsed on me!” said Tom understandingly.
“There’s a prisoner climbing down that rope!” Tom said condescendingly.
“I have a bell up my ass,” Tom chimed in.
“I just set a male insect on fire,” Tom said flamboyantly.
Nice! 
“It’s for my girlfriend”, Tom said misgivingly.
“This safety glass isn’t very well made”, Tom said bad temperedly.
“Stop the rocket engines”. Tom said ballistically.
“Sweeny Todd is back in business”, Tom said barbarously.
“The arm bone’s connected to the, wrist bone”, Tom said beforehand.
“I’ll have a beer”, Tom said bitterly.
“She’s a loose woman”, Tom said broadly.
“This silly costume sometimes gets in the way”, Batman said capably.
“I finally get the front end”, Tom said bullheadedly.
“It’s Mister Spock’s timepiece”, Tom said chronologically.
“The Glencoe massacre was fate”, Tom said clandestinely.
“I can’t find my detective game”, Tom said cluelessly.
“Give the prisoner a chair”, Tom said conceitedly.
“The prisoner has been recaptured”, Tom said confoundedly.
“We’ll work this scam together”, Tom said conjointly.
“I’m just starting my model T”, Tom said crankily.
“I’m doing the ironing”, Tom said decreasingly.
“He reminds me of Clint”, Tom said eastwardly.
“You can have those five kids for nothing”, Tom said frequently.
“It’s been drawn out too long”, Tom said sketchily.
“I saw the Grand Canyon”, Tom said gorgeously.
“The gold coating has worn off”, Tom said guiltlessly.
“I have a void”, Tom said heartlessly.
“River horses have stupid short legs and big dumb mouths”, Tom said hypocritically.
“That chicken has lost its beak”, Tom said impeccably.
“I’ve fixed the air conditioner”, Tom said inventively.
"I’ve lost my yellow and white flower ", Tom said lackadaisically.
“I’m no Oskar Schindler”, Tom said listlessly.
“This sawn timber is hard to carry”, Tom said lumberingly.
“I’m sorting the large writing quills from the small ones”, Tom said pensively.
“This is the best writing implement ever made”, Tom said penultimately.
“I’m just an average guy”, Tom said meanly.
“The gourd has given him a belly ache”, Tom said melancholically.
“I’m determined to win this auction”, Tom said morbidly.
“It’s so the auctioneer can see it”, Tom said forbiddingly.
“I’m just doing my job as a lawyer”, Tom said objectively.
“I don’t care if Dracula gets hurt”, Tom said painstakingly.
“There’s a choir on the jetty”, Tom said piercingly.
“It’s the season for giving”, Tom said presently.
“I’m in favour of sowing”, Tom said proceedingly.
“I like Poe’s poems”, Tom said ravenously.
“There are some poems about the Nautilus”, Tom said subversively.
“Double the number of Beefeaters”, Tom said regardfully.
“We need to build another defensive ditch”, Tom said remotely.
“You should get naked again”, Tom said renewedly.
“Yes, I mailed it again, this time the whole thing”, Tom said resentfully.
“I’ve got nowhere to build my house”, Tom said sightlessly.
“Jack Newton was a great golfer”, Tom said singlehandedly.
“I’ve loosely stitched it all the way around”, Tom said tactfully.
“I’ve got high cards, but there are gaps”, Tom said tenaciously.
“It’s like comparing a hovercraft to a car”, Tom said tirelessly.
“There’s only one stanza”, Tom said universally.
“We’re one game up”, Tom said vulnerably.
“It’s taking him a long time to get here”, Tom said weightily.
“Let’s play a card game with no bidding”, Tom said wistfully.
“She only has a single bodice/skirt combination”, Tom said wondrously.
“I’ll just have some bread”, Tom said wryly.
“Hold on to the safety rail and step from joist to joist”, Tom said flawlessly.
“Of course I can make another mark”, Tom said remarkably.
“It’s a bone from the shoulder to the elbow”, Tom said humorously.
“We need to measure this angle”, Tom said protractedly.
“Wow, that really gave kitty a lift”, Tom said catatonically.
“We don’t have any enclosed yards”, Tom said defencelessly.
“That pony is drooling”, Tom said hospitably.
And finally, one that isn’t quite a Tom Swifty (the pun is in the setup):
“I’m looking for the guy who shot me paw”, the lion said limply.
Excellent work, Captain Klutz!
But I would have enjoyed them a lot more if you had put the commas inside the quotes, where they belong. (One of my pet peeves.)
Gotdamn, Captain Klutz! Well done!
I’ve seen that rule, but it depends on which side of the ocean you are on (for example, http://grammartips.homestead.com/inside.html)
Still, this isn’t a good place to discuss that point, Tom said punctually.
“Wow, you really inhaled those huevos rancheros,” Tom said exasperatedly.
“I just got elected to the U.S. House of Representatives,” Tom said incongruously.
“OK, I’ve put on the tourniquet,” Tom said staunchly.
“How about some foreplay?” Tom said, predictably.
“I fell into the deep fryer,” Tom said indefatigably.
“This next comment is in regard to my three brothers, Peter, Edward, and Lee,” Tom said repeatedly.
“Anyone with half an ear could tell that that singer is out of tune,” Tom said semiotically.
(OK, this is getting ridiculous…)
“Feeling those things crawling on me gave me the shivers,” Tom said fleetingly.
“Give one to each of my companion animals”, Tom said perpetually.
“The two thousand dollars has slipped through my fingers”, Tom said, not feeling too grand.
“There is no sign of land”, Tom said unsurely.
“I’m ten years old”, Tom said decadently.
“He’s a pied piper for girls”, Tom said misleadingly.
“I’m in favour of action words”, Tom said proverbially.
“Make it so”, Tom said enterprisingly.
“An unassisted brain transplant!”, Tom reminded himself.
“I encountered a new country”, Vespucci said metamerically.
Captain, you are scaring me. It took me days to come up with just 4 of these things.
ETA: The brain transplant one is killing me.
“There’s no toilet in the whole place,” Tom said unnecessarily.
“I’m doing your exam scoring over again,” Tom remarked.
“The wind was violent a moment ago - now it’s dropped altogether,” Tom said disgustedly.
“I’ve invented an internet flowerpot,” Tom said evasively.
“And I’m working on a robot dachshund,” Tom said dogmatically.
“My car is so cheap, I dinged the hood by pushing it down with the fingertips of both hands,” Tom said tendentiously.
“Watch me hit that guy in the ass when I tee off,” Tom said with malice aforethought.
“Someday I might like raising sheep,” Tom said, woolgathering.
“Someone started a Straight Dope Message Board thread using my name,” said Hal Briston, sheepishly.
You win the thread!
“That’s a lot of electricity” Tom said amply
“I’m afraid!” Tom said discouragedly
“I’m gonna be a pimp and get me a stable of hookers,” said Tom, hoardingly.
“I’m gonna take some hallucinagenics,” said Tom, acidically.
“I ripped my foreskin on my zipper,” said Tom, dictorially.
“Bugger, I’ve missed my train!” exclaimed Tom, belatedly.
“The 2000 Florida vote was a mess!” Tom recounted.
"Gift horses are not the only livestock one shouldn’t look in the mouth, said Tom occidentally.
“I really pwnd Tricky Dick,” said Tom frostily.