Today, While talking to a coworker (that I’m sure is gay) I made a comment about him finding a husband; even as it was coming out of my mouth I was correcting myself. What Freudian slips have you made or heard?
Back in the days before everyone believed they had to be connected 24/7, my boss, named Peter, tried to get away from everything and everyone when on vacation. I had a great talent for being able to track him down no matter where he was.
But nobody seemed to appreciate it when I called myself “the official Peter finder.”
You rang?
Just the other day, at breakfast with my wife, I meant to say, “Honey, would you pass me the cream?” - and it came out, “Ya rotten bitch, you ruined my life!” Boy is my face red.
Just a slip of the tongue. I’m sure she understood.
I had one recently. I meant to say “Huh?” but it came out “You better post the answer to your fucking riddle ‘cause my tomahawk finger is gettin’ itchy.”
I heard that story maybe ten years ago, that was you??
mmm
Years ago, I aimed to refer to a guy as a “long streak of piss”, but it came out as “a tall drink of water”.
Lot of issues to unpack, there.
Yeah, I was just about to leave for Pittsburgh and I was preoccupied.
This was my mom’s rather than mine, but still funny enough to post.
We had recently moved into our neighborhood, and several doors down there was an older gentleman with dementia. He would fairly regularly elude his wife, slip off his clothes and walk around outside naked as a jaybird. Inside our family, we used to call him Mr. Nudie.
Cut to the following summer. Our neighborhood was having a block party. As the newest family on the block we were introduced to several families we hadn’t yet met. One of them was the naked gentleman and his wife. He was having a good day that day and acting completely normal. My mother smiled, reached out her hand to shake hands and said, “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Mr. Nudie.” I don’t think it registered right away, as the man’s last name was Newley . My mother didn’t realize she’d done it until we walked away and my father started laughing so hard he was snorting.
I was at a conference and the speaker intended to refer to a bone marrow donor drive. She called it a boner drive.
mmm
While discussing which woman should be on the new twenty, I said “I wouldn’t mind seeing Hillary on the bill.” Then I realized what I said (capitalize the last word if you don’t get it).
Having spent several years in Taiwan, my Mandarin Chinese is passable. Now that I am living in southern California, I try to practice the language as much as possible.
The other day I got a call at my landscape business asking me for a bid on a project. I went over and the person was a (gorgeous) Chinese women. We ended up speaking Mandarin. Things went well until we went to her backyard where she had a large Loquat tree full of beautiful fruit. I meant to say, “Your Loquats (Pee Pow) are beautiful”. However I said, “You ass (Pee Ku) is beautiful.”
From the expression on her face, I knew I had said something wrong. I apologized and she seemed not to be too bothered.
I ended up getting the job in spite of (or because of?) my slip of the tongue.
In a presentation about honoring Earth’s environment and lovely animals, my mother informed the uber-Mormon congregation that God wants us to be nice to animals because they are “living, breathing orgasms” (rather than orgasms).
40 years later we’re still dining out on this wonderful Freudian slip.
Oh, I see. Animals are just plain orgasms.
I was visiting with a gay couple that are friends. We were discussing motorcycles and they mentioned that they were heading off soon on a trip, trailering their motorcycle behind their vehicle.
I put my foot in my mouth when I called them “trailer queens”.
Aarghh! Mom meant “organisms,” of course.
I guess this was my Freudian slip.