I have two cats, and as expected both have breath that smells like cat food.
Why is it that when there is a long line of customers waiting to order food, the one person in front of me has to look at the menu again to order? Shouldn’t he be able to decide while waiting in line?
Shhh. We don’t talk about that.
Does this same person get all flustered and surprised when they ask for money for that food, too? I too would like to know what their damage is.
I understand that the whiff of something like cat food is common when shapeshifting leprechauns are around. Leprechauns hate being snuggled. Pick up one of your kitties and squeeze it until it shows you where the gold is (if it does just turn out to be a cat, you’ll still be rewarded for your trouble.)
No doubt Gladiator radiates a disruptive mental energy that confounds nearby people when asked to grasp simple mental decisions. I have a similar issue only it seems to aggravate people in front of me; usually they need to argue with the clerk about the price of something.
But how is Gladiator doing it to people near me? Is he, like, global or something (the intergalactic is understood).
Could be the sonic disrupter on my Wirstcomm. I really should keep that thing turned off.
I take taxis to work pretty much every day. Why is it that every single time, the driver must ask where I want to go? And is it mere coincidence that the fare is nearly always the same?
I’m getting creeped out by this. Please help!
Q: I was farting out of my mouth today, but after you told me about my bowel-leprechaun, that makes more sense. However, today I was doing the yoga tree position, and when suddenly my armpit was itchy. While I was scratching my armpit and lowering my arm, suddenly my armpit farted! Could it be terrorists?
I’m so scared!
My cat just sneezed and I said “bless you” to her. Then she sneezed again! I did not say “bless you”.
What will happen to her if since I did not say that after the second sneeze? And why does her sneezing make me into some kind of religious figure?
Can I bless other things?
So I keep running into these digits everywhere I go. I wrote down ten in no particular order: 6, 3, 2, 5, 0, 8, 9, 1, 4, 7.
That is about as mundane as you can get, right?
I love my 8-year-old daughter dearly. She is a kind, sensitive, bright, extremely goofy kid and I see a lot of myself in her.
That being said, this girl lollygags so much it drives me sane. Getting her out of the house in the morning is often a chore that gets on my nerves. Even when we’re going some place that she wants to go to, she’ll drag her feet until we’re finally in the car. It gets to the point that I’m snapping at her to get her going, and I don’t want to do that.
What’supwit’dat?
Without warning, my cat goes from sitting there doing nothing to suddenly running out of the room like its tail is on fire.
Should I be concerned?
The boss treated us to Psycho Donuts this morning. I had the “Hamburger Donut”: a hole-less donut sprinkled with sesame seeds, cut in half with bacon in the middle.
The donut wasn’t very good at all. How could something with bacon as an ingredient be so mediocre?
I had a meeting scheduled yesterday with my boss, who works in the building next door. I left a few minutes early, walked over to her building, and went up the elevator. As I was getting off the elevator, there was my boss! She was on her way to see me at my office!
It was really not very strange and only slightly coincidental. Try and explain that!
I don’t want to freak you out, but…
I’m also kind, sensitive…extremely goofy etc. and I do the exact same thing every morning! Even when it’s some place I want to go to, I fart around and fart around.
In fact, the only differences are that I’m no longer 8, and you probably don’t love me dearly (sigh).
But everything else is the same. Might I possibly be your daughter in some future dimension? Dad??
Sorry to have to tell you that she probably won’t outgrow this habit.
Hm… it sounds like a case of social anterograde amnesia. Has your home town suffered from a collective head injury?
What is the sound of one armpit farting? Could be a shortcut to enlightenment to consider that and skip all the yoga nonsense.
The cat seems to have a recurring demonic possession and your exorcisms work in the short term, but the demons just re-enter her body. Stop with the DYI and hire a professional!
How could you write them down in “no partciular order” and come up with my phone number? Are you following me? I’m changing my number right now.
Her stuffed panda is a real panda and keeps her up all night telling stories and hatching evil schemes. She’s understandably groggy in the morning. Talk to the panda about keeping a sensible schedule.
If you din’t know your daughter had a stuffed panda, this is more serious than I thought.