Post your weird dreams here!

Inspired by this thread. Me, in the fifth grade, I had a dream where I was on the beach in shorts, and then these people in armor climbed palm trees and threw coconuts at me. Yeah. I also had one where two people I know were playing soccer in my school’s gym. One of them kicked the ball and it hit the other person on the face. It got stuck in her braces, and she found out that it wasn’t a soccer ball, it was a giant bagel. She foolishly shouted out that it was a giant bagel, and everyone died in the ensuing stampede to get the bagel. What weird dreams have you had?

Recurringly, I have had dreams of being my current age (40) and being forced for some not terribly clear reason to retake a grade in elementary, junior high or high school. No one in the school administration wants to tell me why or resolve numerous other difficulties.

I credit this dream theme to my lifelong suspicions that other people are going to saddle me with pointless and/or chickenshit obligations, and that avoiding them will build up a karmic debt I will never be able to repay.

I once had one where I followed some coworkers out for lunch. Unbeknownst to me, they were taking the subway out of Boston to a stop called “Boston.” It was on the east coast of Kenya. People were going to the beach there.

So I went with them. As it turns out, the train station there was considered US territory. I lost my passport at the beach, and so I couldn’t get back into “Boston.” Big soldiers with uzis were menacing me, threatening to kill me.

That’s when I woke up.

I once dreamt I was being attacked by rats. They were crawling all over me and baring their long, yellowed teeth at me. That was, uh, disconcerting.

I also have recurring dreams about my teeth. Sometimes they are falling out, sometimes they get locked together as though my bottom teeth are crammed into my top teeth. A couple nights ago, the dentist was grinding out my two front (lower) teeth, for no reason I could fathom. Not pulling them – grinding them out with a grinding wheel in a drill, bit by bit.

Two days ago, I had one of those waking dreams, you know, where you kind of suspect you are dreaming, and can influence the storyline a little, but not enough to really call it lucid? Yeh, one of those.

I was at a party. It was a massive party, drink, drugs, sex, you name it – at my (now deceased) great-great-grand-aunt’s house. She was alive and partying along with the rest of us. In real life, she was a pistol, and I wouldn’t really put it past her. The stories I could tell…but I digress.

So, there we were at this party, when someone mentions that I need to drive to Detroit (Gramma Weinke lived in Saginaw), so we all walked outside. In the sky, there was this giant – and I mean as in bigger than a jet – Jesus. Well, he glides down and as he comes down, gets smaller and smaller until he is a normal-sized guy standing in front of us.

Of course, we’re all tripping and I finally ask WTF and he responds with, “well, Litoris, here’s the deal – since you’re the Whore of Babylon, and the Antichrist, I came to appeal to your sense of apathy in ending this whole Armageddon thing. Let’s just fuck and call it a truce, shall we?”

Well, as you can imagine, none of my friends or family are shocked at this revelation, but I (being of course the WoB and the AC) remind Jesus that I am currently married. I remind him that that would be adultery and while it might be fun to be able to say “yeh, I fucked Jesus” my husband just might object. Being Wiccan and all.

So, Jesus says “well, we will ask his permission. It’s not adultery if he agrees to it.”

Uhmmm, ok, Jesus. I don’t remember that part, but ok :smiley:

That’s pretty much where I started doing the almost, but not quite awake part, so the rest of it is moot, as I did have some ability to direct the action, as it were. Pretty weird, even for me.

I dreamed I was buying pants for myself. Probably because I was running around the department store with only my underwear on.

I have no idea what it means, no.

I had one last night. I was at my family’s house near the beach (but of course it was a dream version, different from the real thing). There were a bunch of people I went to high school with, some I still keep in touch with, some who I barely knew even then. We wre all drinking and having fun in this one room. I was only wearing underwear, but no one else noticed or cared. It was getting cold so I went to other side of the room to get my pants, which were by the door. When I got close to the door this kid, Matt, who was a year below me in high school says:
“Don’t go out the door.”
I say, “Why not?”
“Just don’t go out there!” He sounded a bit angry.
“Alright, I’m just getting my pants,” I put my pants on and say, “So why don’t you want my out there?”
“Somebody’s doing something. None of your business.” More angry now.
“Now hold on,” now I’m a little angry, “This is my house, and whatever’s going on here is my business!”
“Just calm the fck down!" he shouts, giving me a shove.
"You calm the f
ck down!” I shot and take a swing at him.
Now here’s the weird part: He turns into some kind of giant snake with robot arms that are slick with some kind of green glowing blood, and I turn into a demon with horns and wings and red blood all over me. Everyone else starts cheering and clapping as we start to fight. In the course of the fight we break through the wall. At some point we both get much bigger. So I’m a giant demon fight with giant robot-armed snake. Suddenly we’re fighting in some weird no-atmosphere landscape with stars and red streaks in the sky above us. Some how I get a laser-axe and use it to chop the snake robo-arm Matt in half. The I woke up.

I used to keep a dream journal, but I’ve had less vivid dreams since I’ve moved down to South Florida and gotten a softer bed. And I’ve gotten lazier, too, because I usually still get a rather vivid dream each day.

(This morning, for example, I dreamed about playing Mafia over on this board. People were vote swapping all over the place, but I don’t remember if anyone ended up being lynched.)

A couple of weeks ago, I dreamt that “modern architecture” was the result of cultural influence on humanity by hidden extraterrestrials. I think it was the result of seeing this building in an architectural software brochure.

I dreamed I was having sex with a classmate of mine. It wasn’t weird but I’m sharing anyway dammit.

I never remember my dreams, so when I woke up after this one I immediately wrote it down. Without really being fully awake… This is exactly what I wrote:

A John Wilkes Booth-looking senator was voting on a list of bills. One had something to do with peanuts. He asked a fellow senator about it and how he should vote. He ended up circling it.

Meanwhile, I was trying to get a look at the page so that I could help him with it. All of a sudden he came back up and checked “no”. I was infuriated!

“OH MY GOD!!!” I yelled.

It was a pro-peanut bill.

I was trying to convince him of the merits of peanuts (George Washington Carver, and such…although, in the back of my mind I remembered hearing about the new skepticism over his discoveries. I kept this to myself.).

He was now convinced that he made the right choice. I kept arguing for the peanut, and he says “Come here, I’ve got something to show you.”

I went, assuming it would just be more anti-peanut propaganda.

“Mr. Booth” was a rather haggard & depressed looking man. When we got back to what appeared to be his dressing room, he showed me a black & white framed photo sitting on a desk.

“Look at me!” he said disgustedly. He was in front of a large group of kids (they were crowded around him–perhaps the Mickey Mouse Club?). He looked much younger and extremely happy. Something had since happened to him (Polio?).

I felt sad. I said “Well, at least you were really happy once…”, in consolation, thinking that that was an excellent thing to say and that the whole issue would be settled…it wasn’t…

So, if anybody is well versed in dream interpretation…do you mind helping me out here? I don’t have a clue. Other than I obviously watch too much C-SPAN.

I was in a backpacking/mountaineering store, which was decorated in the usual rustic style. There were huge pine cones scattered about, some of them at least eighteen inches long. I saw a man sitting on a wooden bench with what appeared to be a giant pine cone at his feet. Closer examination revealed it to be a robot porcupine, and it was chewing on his bootlaces.

The porcupine went away and I wanted it to come back. The man left the bench andfI sat down. I found a small button, which I pressed to summon the porcupine. Apparently I did something wrong, because a tiny robot bird, about the size of a small hummingbird, flew out into the room and landed on my hand. I apologized to it for not having any robot birdseed for it.

The worst dream I ever had, I had as a child. I was probably between 6 & 8 years old:

I dreamt I was in Hell, eating a man’s brains out of his head with a giant serving spoon.

I ain’t been too right since then.

I could make a laundry list every. single. night. of the crazy shit I dream about. The first thing that comes out of my mouth in the morning, every morning, is, “Man, crazy dreams last night”

I’m watching an episode of “Home Movies” by Brendan Small. In this particular episode Coach McGuirk has heard about the child molestation going on in the Catholic Church and has become concerned. Of course being McGuirk his concern takes an odd turn. He’s concerned that the kids are trying to seduce him so he decides to put on a sting when Junior Addelburg starts talking to him asking about how to get the airport. Junior’s the little kid with the odd foreign accent. As part of his sting Coach McGuirk starts making some sexually suggestive comments only because he’s a gym coach and had to teach Sex Ed. all the references he’s making refer to the internal parts of the male genitalia.

At one point he says “So you gotta head down Vas Deferens Ave. until you get to …”

I woke up laughing.

Ready for the easiest dream in the world to interpret?

So I’m with a friend, and we’re talking, and suddenly I stab her in the chest. She dies, and I clean the knife off on her clothes. Then I start going through her pockets, because hey, what else ya gonna do? I find a nice heavy little bag. I open it and count the silver coins inside. Two, four, six… yep, thirty silver coins. And then I wake up and feel incredibly guilty.

man… I can post to this thread ad infinitum

one of the best though, was a full miniseries. I woke up in between bolded parts, and then fell asleep again

part 1
the setting was “my neighborhood”. It’s more or less accurate as a bunch of townhouses 3 sides of a cul-de-sac other than your standard haunted-looking mansion offses t from the whole thing.

Turns out though, that spirits had recently started possessing people and making them attack non-possessed people. So at the end of this part, I’m standing eerily in a corridor of my own home, with some people, when a (green, since I remember the color) spirit erupts from the wall and dives at me
I awake to that “paralyzed unable to move” awake states that’s coherent but immobile

part II
I (dream) awake to find that there’s a resistance to these spirits who possess people, and a way to combat them, which has happened to me (hence why I’m coherent again). I am now part of this resistance to these spirits, who seem to have some underlying purpose. I pursue two of the spirits across some odd, dual-layered wooden bridge (for comparison purposes, the construction of the Harry-Potter Goblet of Fire bridge over the lake viewing platform was comparable). I engage and defeat a possessed person in the lake who had been harassing passer-bys. He is subsequently repossessed by what I strongly suspect is the same spirit. In the ensuing water-based struggle, I end up ramming his head rather forcefully in to a pylon of bridge resulting in his and the spirit’s death. This is confirmed as the first full-on fatality of what becomes a war.

** part III, I wake up after the end of above events**
There is now a full-on war. There are people who are willingly and/or knowingly enslaved by powerful spirits who are directing lesser spirit’s actions, and attempting to conquer us, led by an as-yet-unknown leader. At the beginning of this section, I am rather highly placed among commandos in the resistance army to these spirits, and so I’m with a team infiltrating the mansion from part 1. After overhearing a strategic conversation between a few top-level commanders I decide… I need to pee… and go looking for a bathroom. I find instead a room with a huge-screen TV and a gamecube and one of the enemy commanders daughters (who is oblivious to her’s father’s possessed nature). Subsequently, father enters the room to discover me (almost immediately, no skipping over sexuality or game-playing involved). He transforms in to his spirit self… a roughly 1m diamater circle with roughly (don’t remember exactly) 8-10 articulate weapon arms erupting from it. I draw my own weapon, and engage

Part IV, assumedly, I destroyed the enemy from part III
We (the resistance) are assaulting the enemy headquarters, having established both the human and spirit identities of the enemy commanders, the head of which is solely supernatural and the director of the whole assault on humanity.
I’ve been chosen to confront them alone (I never learned why, perhaps I am most qualified, or the only one to get to the final part). At first, there’s inexplicably a large crowd in the parking lot in front of the mission’s target (a large house which isn’t the original inexplicable mansion) going to a football game. Within a couple minutes this crowd clears in part to a rain storm moving in. 2 Figures emerge from the house, and we engage (all armed with swords) in what can only be described as an epic duel…(truel? there were 3 of us…).
Suddenly the doors of the mansion swing open, and the enemy queen, who looks much like medusa, only with all of the snake parts replaced by flowing darkness, starts attacking the scene with bolts of darkness. One of these bolts ends up striking one of her lieutenants and instantly skelatizing him. I almost immediately capitalize on this to run through the remaining second-in-command. Subsequently the remainder on the resistance corner the queen of the spirits in the mansion and slay her.

Comically, there’s even an ALTERNATE ENDING to the dream. the above happens, we win. Suddenly the scene returns to, as I enter the mansion pursuing the fleeing spirit queen (again, a medusa, other than that which should be snake is a fluctuating dark cloud of energy) and what it turns out is only happiness and laughter is what can defeat her… and the muppets pop out of nowhere and start singing some goddamn song. What a fucking weird ending to what was formerly a fairly straightforward dream

also, for those of you who actually read the above, I’ll swear before anything that not only everything I wrote was completely what I experienced, I left out a whole shit-load of boring backstory details that I summarized (most particularly the beginning of part II where other members of the resistance explained to me what had been going on, and the beginning of Part III where it was confirmed there was a solid war going on beyond the first fatality I comitted, which was generally agreed to be the first fatality of those who were voluntarily possessed) and the details of some of the fights described.
Call my dreams crazy, but swear to anything it really happened.

Would make a fine fantasy novel too I reckon.

actually yes, I’ve thought about attempting to at least short-story the whole thing, excepting the muppet alternate ending which was merely bizarre. The thing could have been a full-length si-fi movie
in other news: autolycus good to see you again!

I had a dream that I was with a couple of women and we went snowboarding, sort of, except with no snow or board, or even shoes. It was a pleasant spring day as we all slid down a grassy hillside, down stone steps, and ended up at a beach.