The past few years have given me experience in doing group trips with people who were primarily beer drinkers and people who were primarily pot smokers. The trips are different.
As our day begins, the pot-smokers have spent the night at one house and the beer drinkers have spent the night at another house. Today’s goal is to go sailing.
6:30 a.m.
Pot Smokers: One pot smoker gets up and spends 10 minutes searching for the coffee. After starting the coffee, the pot smoker digs in the ashtray for a roach and fires up.
Beer Drinkers: All get up within 10 minutes of each other. Someone starts coffee and brings coffee to anyone who is more than 5 feet away from the coffee pot.
7:00 a.m.
Pot Smokers: Three of four Pot Smokers are up and drinking coffee. Someone starts looking for the weed. It takes 15 minutes for someone to roll a joint because they’re talking, laughing and, “What was I doing? Oh, yeah, rolling a joint.”
Beer Drinkers: Two beer drinkers are making a breakfast with two kinds of meat, pancakes and eggs cooked to order. Another beer drinker is making sandwiches with three kinds of home-cooked meat and three cheeses plus condiment options.
8:00 a.m.
Pot Smokers: Someone suggests cooking breakfast. Twenty minutes later a pot smoker looks in the fridge and finds three eggs and a moldy green pepper. Everyone talks about great breakfasts they’ve eaten.
Beer Drinkers: Everybody has a whiskey shot, throws their gear and the already-loaded coolers in the vehicle and head for a convenience store to get ice.
9:00 a.m.
Pot Smokers: Someone suggests that a couple of pot smokers should go to the grocery store and buy stuff for breakfast and for lunch. Everyone agrees. A pot smoker asks three times if they should make another pot of coffee. Coffee is made and everyone agrees that someone should go to the store for groceries. A Pot Smoker sparks up a joint.
Beer Drinkers: All the Beer Drinkers start unloading gear and carrying it down to the sailboat. Gear is loaded, the boat is launched. A Beer Drinker provides mimosas for everyone.
10:00 a.m.
Pot Smokers: Two Pot Smokers leave for the grocery store without a list. A Pot Smoker suggests that everyone should get their gear together. Everyone nods. Someone lights up a joint.
Beer Drinkers: Sail. Drink red beers. A Beer Drinker shares homemade wild game jerky or summer sausage.
11:00 a.m.
Pot Smokers: Two Pot Smokers return from the grocery store with a pound of bacon, powdered donuts, a bag of chips and orange juice. A Pot Smoker says, “Weren’t you supposed to get lunch?” and the grocery Pot Smokers go, “Oh! Yeah! Well, we can go back on our way to the marina.”
Beer Drinkers: Sail. Drink a Bloody Mary that someone pre-mixed. Drink beer.
High Noon:
Pot Smokers: Eat breakfast of bacon and donuts with no toast. Start loading vehicle. Go to Subway for sandwiches and spend 5 minutes per person ordering sandwich because no one knows what they want. Head for marina, spark up a joint. Smoke another joint.
Beer Drinkers: Sail. Drink beer.
1:00 p.m.
Pot Smokers: Start unloading gear and carrying it down to the sailboat. A Pot Smoker wanders off and show up 15 minutes later. Gear is loaded, the boat is launched. A Pot Smoker says, "Oh shit, we forgot . . . " Two pot smokers go below and start rolling joints.
Beer Drinkers: Pull into a bar that has a dock. Have a shot of tequila and get drinks to go. Sail. Eat lunch.
2:00 p.m.
Pot Smokers: Smoke pot, sail around in bay. Eat lunch.
Beer Drinkers: Drink beer. Sail.
4:00
Pot Smokers: Go back towards marina.
Beer Drinkers: Go back to marina and put the boat in.
5:00
Pot Smokers: Still unloading gear and putting boat away. Talk about stopping at grocery store on way home to get supper. Get in car and smoke two joints on the way home.
Beer Drinkers: Stop at bar on the way home, have a couple of drinks.
7:00
Pot Smokers: Got groceries, arrive home. Talk about cooking supper. Smoke joint. Pot Smokers start raiding groceries for munchies.
Beer Drinkers: Drinks and appetizers. Appetizers include three types of crackers, meats, cheeses, pickled veggies, chips and salsa.
8:00
Pot Smokers: Start cooking supper. Smoke a joint. Supper is burgers without cheese, chips and salsa, a good salad that someone made ahead of time and roasted chicken from the grocery store. Before all are done eating, a Pot Smoker sparks up a joint. The dishes are dumped in the sink.
Beer Drinkers: Everyone brought something for supper so the menu is: honey-ginger marinated salmon, grilled buffalo tenderloins, cowboy potatoes and home-made potato salad. After supper, one Beer Drinker makes gin and tonics the other Beer Drinkers clean up and do the dishes.
Rest of night:
Pot Smokers: Smoke pot. Laugh. Get munchies, regret not having any food. Smoke pot.
Beer Drinkers; Drink. Laugh. Serve another round of appetizers. Drink. Finish off the leftovers from supper. Drink.
The above is a true story. This is why I treasure my long-time beer drinking friends and liked my ex’s friends, but I just didn’t like doing things with them.
whistlepig.
