I’m in my early forties, and it’s about damn time I learned how to use … no, wait, this isn’t about me.
I um, have a friend. Let’s call him ‘the Dudeling’ (his real name). He’s a bit over 2.5, knows all the basics and mechanics of the situation—and if in the right mood can fill his diaper on purpose (and toot on purpose too, what a boy-child!), knows where things are supposed to go and knows what we want from him.
But just … doesn’t.
Okay, now what?
Feed him ruffage and sit him on the pot until we get some results? Lock him in the Basement of Woe until he uses the cat boxs? Promise to let him hang out in the Basement of Woa! if he gets things right? Um… I’m out of ideas already.
I’m pretty sure there are one or two parents on the Dope. Any stories to share? Experiences? Suggestions?
Dr. Brazelton is the High Wizard Of All Things Potty. Look for advice from him–though his lowdown is that the child will decide when he is ready, and there is no point in heckling him beforehand. Have a potty or potty seat available, and occasionally, casually, ask him if he’s interested in it.
Don’t stress over it. The kid will go on his schedule.
My daughter got her potty seat about a month before she turned two. She used it intermittently for a year, then at almost exactly one year, she had a week off of day care and I went cold-turkey with her–put her in underwear and didn’t look back. Other than nighttime and naps, she’s been potty trained ever since. Only a handful of accidents (and that includes when she had norovirus and had diarrhea!) and it’s been four months.
But I’d definitely suggest only doing that with kids who have clearly demonstrated that they want to use the potty. If he hasn’t tried it yet, just make sure you read him some books on the subject (I always liked “Diapers Are Not Forever” for a good gender-neutral choice) so that he has a foundation of knowledge of what to do. You can also suggest the potty every half-hour or so, but don’t force it. That’s the surest way to end up with the world’s worst power struggle.
One thing I’ve heard of that works, from multiple sources, is to find something that the kid wants, and explain that this thing is for big kids who can go potty. For example, maybe he wants to sleep in a bed instead of a crib. You tell him, “Beds are for kids who are big enough to stop wearing diapers. So when you can use the potty for a week without any ‘oopses’ [or whatever], we’ll know you’re ready for a big-kid bed.” That way, you’re not punishing him or making fun of him for wearing diapers, which is bad if he is actually still having trouble with bladder/bowel control. It doesn’t have to be something huge, either. A friend of mine told me that when she was little, her mom showed her a big pink button that said something like, “I’m a BIG Girl!”, and said that when she started using the potty, she could have it. She took off her diaper then and there, and never used one again.
It’s still basically what Sattua is saying: you’re letting the kid decide when he’s ready, but you’re providing a little extra incentive, in case he’s feeling apprehensive about the potty, or just doesn’t really care one way or the other.
What I don’t know about this approach, however, is what to do about accidents. It seems like it might encourage the kid to try to hide accidents, for fear of having their prize taken away. I’d want them to understand that up to a certain point, accidents are just that, but if they happen too often, it means they’re just not ready yet - and that’s okay. But I guess if you set an initial threshold, like a week of proper potty use, it’s unlikely that they’ll go back to having frequent accidents. Then you can just tell them, “Even though you’re a big kid now, you might still have an accident. That’s okay - just tell me, and we’ll clean it up together.”
So, flushing his toys down the toilet isn’t just bad for the septic system? Gotcha.
Sounds like we’ve been on the right track. He’s been potty-aware for months now, and answers the right questions–but says he doesn’t want to. We haven’t done much more than make the suggestion and whatnot. I’ve been wondering lately if we were supposed to do more than that. Ah, nonchalance, my old friend, it’s nice to see you comfortable!
“Potty training” is a myth. Absent psychological problems, the kid will figure it out on his own, usually before Kindergarten. Just like the sun figures out when it’s time to rise & set and seeds figure out when to sprout. Taking credit for potty training is about as sensible as taking credit for those other things. It’ll happen when it happens. What you DON’T want is to make it a control issue, it’ll become a pissing contest the parents will not win.
I agree with everything that’s been said so far, but I’d also add that some children don’t seem to like the actual potty. I don’t blame them, those things look uncomfortable. My daughter seemed to take for ever to want to stop nappies, and it turned out she just didn’t like the pott. We got one of those padded child seats you put on top of the real toilet seat and away she went. Not suggesting for a moment that your dudeling has an issue, or that you should do anything other than you’re doing, just something to consider later maybe.
Squeaky is on day two of Big Boy Underpants today.
We’ve been sitting him down on his potty to do his business for a couple weeks, and his friends at day care are almost all in Big Boy Underpants, so peer pressure has helped.
Squeaky did great his first day diaper free, until the very end. Like his brothers before him, he fell for the sweet seductress of the train table. He was having too much fun playing with his trains, that he didn’t want to leave.
The most important thing about potty training is to not make it a battle of wills. You will lose. Just be understanding and put him on the potty regularly. He’ll figure it out.
I have four kids, and all of them seem to be interested in setting records at dragging their feet on potty training. The oldest two (5 and 6) finally stopped wearing nighttime pullups about 6 months ago though they’d been in underwear during the daytime since age 3.5 and 4, respectively.
The next youngest, my three year old, is a “non-verbal” type (he’s in speech therapy) and is terrified of the potty. He will consent to sit on the potty (briefly) if there is MAJOR bribery involved, but so far has yet to produce anything. I don’t know. My mother claims to have had both her children completely potty trained by 18 months, and the general implication is that I am A. a lazy parent, B. have lazy children, C. am doing something wrong, D. disposable diapers are EVIL and delay potty training, or E. All of the above.
I wish I knew the answer here, pal. I’m tired of changing diapers.
Depending on the potty setup, some kids find them uncomfortable or even a bit frightening. Last boy I knew took until almost 5 - he had one of the kid seats for the regular toilet and had a real issue with seeing his stuff flushed.
So if he’s got the idea and says he doesn’t want to, I’d try to gently nudge him on what he doesn’t like. It might be something easily fixable, like a different potty. Or not.
Any rate, I agree with letting it ride. He’ll get it eventually.
I was the one dragging my feet about getting my firstborn out of diapers. As I saw it, there are damned few college kids in diapers, so everyone figures it out at one point or another, and I had no beef with changing diapers but I was ooked out at the idea of cleaning up messes. Blurgh.
We have a nephew who is some months younger than our son and my MIL let us know the moment he was out of diapers. That happened to be right before a family vacation, and one of my fondest smug memories is of my FIL lifting our nephew over the seats and handing him to my sister-in-law (the plane aisle was blocked by the flight attendants and the drink cart), saying, with almost physical panic in his voice, “HE HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.” Yeah, out of diapers does not equal potty trained.
My son was maybe 3 1/2 when he left diapers behind and it was a no-stress, just about instant transition.
Yeah, I read threads on mommy boards where moms claim their 18 month olds are potty trained. If you keep reading, you find out that the kid is having accidents multiple times a week.
As tired as I may get of changing diapers, I think it’s gotta beat trying to clean pee out of the sofa.
I was talking to my Mom back when one of my goddaughters was in the throes of potty training, apparently I trained myself around 2.5, she said that they put a step stool in the downstairs loo, and left me to it. Marie [our nanny] wasn’t thrilled at the idea, but it was recommended in some magazine or book going around in the early 60s.
Not sure, were the little potties available in the early 60s? I can say that I don’t remember toilet training, though I remember learning to tie my sneakers. I also remember my brother and I didn’t have anywhere near as many toys as kids seem to have today. At least we had some really neat ones, in addition to the ez bake, we also had the equivalent pretzel maker, a cotton candy machine, a snoopy shaved ice maker and one of those hot plate plastic goo thing makers. And I remember the first record we ever got was the Beatles She Loves You, though for the life of me I don’t ever remember us playing the B side [and later I got the big chemistry set with real hazardous chemicals … the things they let us play with!:D]
I’ve decided one of the main reasons some older parents brag about how early their kids were potty trained is because cloth diapers and old fashioned disposables weren’t dry feeling like the diapers now toddlers had the consequence of nasty wet pants. I also think the dry feeling keeps kids from realizing what’s actually happening until theiy’re much older than we were. I think they used to sell some wet feel pull ups for this reason.
Both my boys I told that when they turn 3 they get to pick out Big Boy Pants and wear them all day. They also got to go to the toy store and pick out any toy to recieve as a reward for all their future hard work. When they managed to go a certain amount of time without a daytime accident we would buy the toy.
Since this magic age was spring or summer for both it worked out well. Pick out the most convenient magic age for your own kid. Once the day happened we just plunked them in big boy underwear every day and played outside as much as possible. Naked doesn’t work as well because the wet pants feeling isn’t there. Both kids took 3 days to be reasonably reliable.
My mother had similar results with 4 children, waiting until we were three and then just telling us what to do.
Side question, what do you do about overnights? My son (3.5) is totally with it during the day. No accidents, he goes, flushes, pulls up his pants, washes his hands, the works. He falls asleep and he’ll let loose at any random time, so he still wears a diaper to bed. Sometimes he’s totally dry, for days at a time, sometimes the thing is soaked to an inch of it’s life. Cloth diapers, so I know he’s feeling it when he goes.
Oh, we bought replacement toilet seats with integrated child seats in the lid. He loves them, they look reasonably good, and we don’t have to fuss with separate seats/potties.
My freak-show landlady claims that she started training her son at 6 months and he was fully trained by a year old. Since my definition of “trained” includes “can walk to toilet, conduct business, flush, re-dress, and wash hands without assistance” I’m pretty sure we’re not working with equivalent definitions, here. But parenting karma has a way of doing funny things–if you brag to all mankind that your first kid potty-trained in a day at eight months old, you will be rewarded with a kid who’s in diapers until she’s five. If you brag about how your first kid slept eighteen hours a day for the first three years of his life, you will be rewarded with another kid who never sleeps. Ever. It’s karma.
[and later I got the big chemistry set with real hazardous chemicals … the things they let us play with!:D]
