He’s three and a half years old and hasn’t yet been trained with either peeing or pooping. He’s been in the training process for almost 2 years now. Sometimes he gets it but other times not and he’s beginning to regress now. He likes going into the bathroom but doesn’t usually do anything in there, and on many occasions has been known to say, “I’m done with the potty. I’m not going there anymore.” It concerns me that he doesn’t notice when he’s doing/done something in his diaper…so he has a dr. appointment next week. Hopefully they can think of something new because we’ve tried everything and he’s this big kid who’s still totally diaper-reliant.
Have you tried a system of reward? We used stickers for successful attempts early on and plastered them all over the bathroom. She got so excited about them that she bought in right away.
We didn’t really start until after she was two, though.
Hello, I don’t recall writing that post and signing it “acrossthesea” but I must have. Surely there can’t be two of us?
I’ve told my son we’re not having a 4-yr-old birthday party until he’s wearing underwear.
Maybe it’s a boys vs girls thing.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
My boys are three and a half, and I can’t get either one of them to potty train. They just have no interest in it.
I have been working crazy mad hours lately, The husband has potty trained our little girl. In fact she does better when I am not home. Maybe I can send him your way??
Good Luck, It sure is nice not to be spending money on diapers.
I’m reminded of this article. Since you said he’s 3 1/2, and you started two years ago, that’s like 1 1/2…
/Shadez
If you can be very, very patient, and if you aren’t bothered by your kid wearing diapers for a long time…eventually, he’ll do it himself.
My goal was to never, ever have to potty train, so I didn’t. Every one of my kids went from diapers to underwear basically overnight, but not until they were good and ready–most of them around 4 years. The Weeping Princess is 2 1/2, and she’ll use the potty as long as I let her run around naked; if I put clothes on her, she forgets.
He’ll get it, hon. What he’s doing is not abnormal or strange at all. Just hang in there.
Best,
karol
Oh, the joys of potty-training. I remember them well.
My first boy was the toughest. We started training him when he was around 2 and half, IIRC. I was pregnant with my second child and it seemed like a good idea at the time. (Famous last words.)
Unless I’m mistaken, most kids are at least capable of some control by three and a half. They are all so different though, it can be really hard to nail down what will work. You really just have to keep trying. I don’t think the doctor can tell you whether your child specifically is at that point, but they will have pamphlets and suggestions to aid you.
The first step is definitely making him aware that he has to go. Are you working on that? Focus in on that and use positive reinforcement for any sign that he gives that indicates he knows/knew he had to go. Obviously, that’s crucial. Doesn’t matter if he does it in the diaper, the idea is to make the connection in his minds.
With my first son, I just kept pointing out that he was poopy or wet. I would clean him up, take him into the bathroom with the poopy diaper, drop the poop into the toilet. I told him, in age appropriate terms, that that is where the poop belongs and that’s where everyone has to learn to go. Then I’d put him on the toilet for a minute, encouraging & praising him for sitting on the toilet like a big boy. Same with a wet diaper, just sit him on the toilet for a few minutes.
After a month or so of this, I just started putting him on the toilet after meals, before nap time, and just at regular intervals during the day. Always high praise and encouragement.
Sooner or later, they will pee or poop on the toilet, even just out of coincidental timing or what have you. Make a HUGE deal out of it when he does. I always explained that EVERYONE has to go on the toilet, and that we don’t like having messy pants.
Word of warning: His father (my ex) used to get impatient with him. Once, he smacked his bare bum really hard when he didn’t make it to the toilet. I was FURIOUS with him for that, what a dumbass, Jesus! It made my son regress a little bit and I think it confused him terribly. I didn’t allow my ex to have anything to do with the training from that point forward, not worth it IMO. I don’t believe in negative reinforcement for toilet training in any way, shape or form, ESPECIALLY spanking. You just have to be patient and keep at it.
Anyway, eventually it started to sink in. By the time my second son was born, my first son was wearing diapers only at night. He had a few accidents but I just called them “accidents” and put him on the toilet. We made a game of it and would run to the toilet, even if he already went in his pants. We were able to dispense with the night diapers not too long after that, and used a mattress cover for accidents. He did have a few but they tapered off. I think it took about a year and half for him to be really fully trained.
The best part: His little brother pretty much trained himself by watching him, I swear to God. At around two and a half years old, he started shucking his diaper and climbing up onto the toilet. I jumped on that and praised him to the heavens. Within months he was done with diapers, and only ever had two or three accidents in bed. It was nothing near the effort I put in with his brother. Thank-you, Jebus. 
I know you may not be a fan of Dr. Phil, but he does have some advice on his website:
Excerpt:
"Potty Train Your Child In One Day
WHAT YOU NEED TO BEGIN
-A doll that wets
-A potty chair
-“Big kid” underwear (instead of diapers)
Lots of liquids for your child and the doll to drink
**Note that the following instructions using liquids also apply to potty training for bowel movements.
THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU BEGIN
Development: The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests waiting until 2 years of age to potty train.
Modeling: You can demonstrate or have the doll demonstrate the process of “going potty.”
Motivation: Find out who your child’s superhero is. The hero will provide the motivation in this process."
I wish you luck. Although I must admit I came here bent on giving crate-training advice to a new puppy owner…I guess human kids can cause hell, too.
Well, my son didn’t have any interest in using the toilet until after he turned 4. He was a little freaked out by the idea, but when I told him that if we didn’t have to buy diapers anymore we would have more money for toys, he became motivated to try it.
Charmin has a free potty training kit you can request online; my son didn’t care about the reward stickers, but he enjoyed looking at the pictures of cartoon bears using toilets.
Once he was interested in using the toilet, he used it.
My just turned 3 year old screams “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” every time I even mention the potty. I’ve decided he’ll do it when he feels like it.
My son will be three in a couple of weeks and we are not getting much of anywhere either. Just like bodypoet’s child, if I let him run around naked, he will go on the potty as opposed to on the floor, so he must know when he has to go, but he forgets when he is dressed. I have heard that if you let them run around with only a shirt on for a week, they will be potty trained by the end of the week, but since we both work, that isn’t exactly an option in this house. Another child in my family was not trained by the time he was 4 and that was the doctor’s advice, and it did work for that boy.
My son doesn’t care if he is a big boy or not. We tried doing big boy underwear for a weekend. The first day he did great, only one accident, but after the 3rd accident on Sunday before 1pm, I said forget it. We have tried rewards as well and it doesn’t seem to help. We have the Charmin packet and two other books about going on the potty. He swears to me he will go on the potty when he is 3. I will let you know if that helps - setting a day in advance, such as easter or a holiday or something, and saying as of that day it is time for big boy underwear.
i should ask my mother.
she had us all potty trained before we were 2.
she must have some sort of secret weapon.
(where i grew up 3 and 4 year olds go to KG or school, and must all be toilet trained before attending, so i guess that gives people motivation to do it early)
Oh, yeah The Boy Wonder used this one. Everytime we got to the appointed time he changed it to a later time. Yours may not be quite as stubborn as my charming cherub, but the truth is it is in their complete control. Ain’t a thing you can do to MAKE them do it, they have to want to. Man is it frustrating. My firstborn child potty trained herself around the age of two or so - couldn’t stand to be dirty/wet. The Boy Wonder just couldn’t care less and couldn’t be bothered to stop whatever he was doing to go to the bathroom. Believe me, we tried everything in the book, and a few off the book things. Granted most of our troubles were rooted in the fact that my husband, his dad, had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor and life was pretty stressful all on its own without pressuring the kid to use the toilet. So I completely left it alone for a good long while. Maybe too long. You probably don’t have this problem. I am happy to report that he is now nine and fully and completely potty trained. Still stubborn as the day is long, however.
My mother always said she waited until the summer closest to our third birthday, put us in underpants and threw us outside. By the end of the summer we were potty trained.
My grandmother once told my mother not to worry about my oldest brother because no child goes to kindergarten without being potty trained. I laughed out loud when I heard that. Two and a half hours? He can hold it for that long. And he did.
But take heart. They all get potty trained eventually.
I’ll tell you what’s worked in this house.
Chocolate.
The first day I started the system (last autumn–he was just shy of 3), paidhi-boy spent nearly the entire day on the training potty trying to squeeze out a few more drops so he could get his reward–he looked like a chipmunk. Ran through a bag of kisses in two days, but what the hell. After awhile it was just a habit, and I didn’t need the reward.
Then we had another problem. He would use the potty if he was naked (the default state at home), but not if he was dressed. Turned out, he thinks of underpants as just another kind of diaper. So–we don’t wear underpants. Just regular pants. I guess I’ll have some explaining to do if he gets to kindergarten and still won’t wear them, but I doubt that’s going to be a problem.
We still had a problem with pooping on the floor, but I re-instituted the chocolate thing. Any, erm, appropriately delivered items get cheered and then, when hands are washed, the chocolate kisses come out. So far, so good. Two weeks ago I was rushing him to the potty when I thought he was getting ready to poop, now he’s warning me, getting on the potty himself, and then proudly announcing his accomplishment.
It’s all the power of chocolate.
I started this thread a few months back, and it had some good advice. Between the pretty panties, the bribing with chocolate, and the poop book, we did OK, and now she’s doing quite well.
Primafloret the Younger can go for 52 hours without voiding in any way whatsoever. It made toilet training a freaking nightmare until he decided it was more worthwhile to use the potty and get chocolate than hang on in great discomfort.
We’re pretty much totally trained with wees but poos are still a big issue (hee!). He’s had serious constipation over the years and the latest theory is his rectum is stretched and he gets no signals. But we’ll get there in the end.
I started a thread about potty training our daughter about 1 1/2 years ago now. Frustrating, because the cat was peeing on the floor at the same time. But our daughter is now fully trained. And the cat rarely does it anymore.
My parents had my sister work towards a goal-if she was potty trained by her birthday (third, I think), she would get a Sylvanian Family dollhouse. (Sylvanian Families were so cute-little animals dressed in clothes with little furniture-like a dollhouse, only with animals. I have a couple). It worked.