Practical purposes for fictional characters. Thoughts?

Cafe Society
1

Today at a Thai dinner party, we got to talking about the Donner Party. Somebody mentioned that the children were eaten, and, well, in an attempt to lighten the mood, somebody mentioned that perhaps they were the children from Willie Wonka. This provoked much discussion. It was eventually concluded that the blueberry girl would be most useful, as long as she was rationed and care was taken to eat from her evenly (otherwise she would cease to roll well.)

This got me to thinking. For practical purposes, what fictional character would be the most useful? Apply ethical boundaries as you see fit.

2

Wolverine, since his flesh will grow back. He’s an unlimited food source! Unlimited fuel and soap and leather too, for that matter.

3

Sara from “A Little Princess”. Force her to work horrible hours for room and board until her body expires from exhaustion after however many years you can get out of her, and even while you’re doing this, she’ll find a way to brighten your day.

<ducks the inevitable food I’m going to get thrown at me for this idea>

4

Kenny McCormick from South Park. He can’t die. Send him behind enemy lines as a spy, wait until he gets caught and executed, then stop by his parents’ house to wait for him to be reborn and get your intel.

Or, just send him onto the front lines.

5

If you’re of the perverted sort, the girl from “Ella Enchanted” would be much fun for a weekend or so.

6

I thought he had a pretty high metabolism to fuel that.

7

If you’re going to go that route, let’s have Superman or Nightcrawler, and just fly/jump them back home. Or lots of other superheroes. Woverine’s probably one of the least useful in that they’d actually still be stuck.

8

I almost feel like I’m cheating here, but Al Capp’s Shmoo.