Prank! (Wife + Spider)

In My Humble Opinion
1

I used to be a prankster, but my wife broke me of that when we moved in together 13 years ago. I wasn’t over the top by any means and generally it was a pretty innocent scare here and there, but definitely not daily or even weekly. This was the period in our relationship when the sex was sinfully porn worthy so I was susceptible to molding and did what I was told.

So yesterday I got the great idea to prank my wife.

I set it up first by making her think of spiders. She HATES bugs and spiders and the sight of one in the house usually costs me $40 and handshake with Ed, our bug spray guy. So I tell her, “Heads up, Honey. I think we had a spider hatch. I’ve killed 5 spiders in the garage today.”

Then I took a sharpy and drew a spider on the toilet paper roll and turned it to the back so when she took a pull it would come over like it was going to launch on her.

Then I waited patiently for her to go pee. For reasons I can’t understand it took her like 4 hours to go pee! But you put her in a car and get on the open road and forget it, she turns into hummingbird bladder.

It went as expected. She was getting ready for bed and I grabbed my phone to record the reaction. The scream was epic! I even got a bonus with collateral damage in the form of my 4 Y.O. son since he was immersed in conversation with her when the plan came together.

Overall, she handled it pretty well. She was somewhere between pissed and mildly entertained, but she has reminded me a few times that I’ve ruined the bathroom experience for her since she will inevitably think of spiders every time she sees the TP.

2

Well, that’s it then. Looks like I’m going to be getting divorced again.

3

I, for one, am looking forward to September.

4

Edited: I don’t know if what I first posted breaks the rules.

Don’t do [stuff] like that!

5

That’s not so bad, though I hate to be startled. When I was a brand new newlywed of less than four months, I jumped in the shower one day, leaving the door unlocked, trusting my groom to give me my privacy. I was in the middle of my nice, relaxing shower, when all of a sudden the shower curtain gets slid open quite forcefully, and there stands my husband holding a butcher knife high in the air, doing that “Psycho” screech.

I should have known then it wasn’t ever going to work.:smack:

6

Don’t tell me you’ve fallen victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia” - but only slightly less well-known is this: “Spiders can’t reproduce in September”!

7

I was thinking of brand new posters but this is good to know too!