My wife and I are expecting our first child, and our about 5 months along in the pregnancy. Apparently and not very surprisingly, all of her femal co workers who have kids are throwing all kinds of advice at her and scaring her about this and that. I try to tell her that from the information Ive gathered, the one thing all the experts allways agree on is the fact that each and every pregnancy is different and to NOT listen to other people’s horror stories because they are their stories but not necessarilly hers you know? Anyway now some panicky women at her job are at it again. They told her that she is waaayyyy to small to be 5 months pregnant and that she doesnt even look 2 months pregnant. Well that is laughable to me because my understanding is that most woman dont show hardly at all at 2 months pregnant. Theyre telling her that she needs to eat a lot more for the baby and that her belly is way to small for 5 months, but Ive read that the baby is going to get what it needs regardless of how much the mom is eating, and that unless she is starving herself, the baby will get all the nutrients it needs just fine and that eating more during pregnancy is more to regain the nutrients and energy that the baby has taken away from what was already there for its own needs. The one and only time weve had an ultra sound done (about 13 weeks) baby looked good and was moving around a bunch and the doc said that he/she was actually a little larger then some babies at the justational age that it was. We just went to the doc’s yesterday and the heart beat was strong and he didnt seem to think anything is wrong although we are scheduled for our next ultra on Monday. But anyway my wife is still all noided out by what those ladies said and I’ll admit that Ive got some concerns to so I was wondering if there were any dopettes out there who were moms or knew someone who similaryly didnt show very much for a long period of time and if so how the baby was when it was born. Sorry for making this so long but I figured hey if anyone reads this whole thing, it MUST be cuz they think they got some advice for me and my wife 
Thanks for your time everybody
The doctor, a person who has had many years of training, specializes in pregnancies, and presumably has had several years of experience, told you not to worry.
Random women in the office with no training and very limited experience are crying doom.
I know who I’d listen to.
With our first, my wife at six months was just beginning to show. She gained about 21 or 22 pounds by the delivery IIRC, and we had a perfect boy who weighed about 7.4 pounds. These other ladies are just envious that when they were pregnant, they put on lots of weight.
First babies sometimes don’t show until 6 or 7 months. The extra nutrients that a woman needs for the baby (in addition to what she needs for herself) are about the equivalent of a turkey sandwhich a day. Everything is fine… good luck to you both!
Just like the ladies in your wife’s office, I’m no doctor, but I would disagree with them completely. My wife was very much like your wife with our first child. The doctor told her that when women are pregnant for the first time, particularly women who are physically fit, they will “show” much later in the 9 month period. My wife didn’t even wear maternity clothes until 6 months into the pregnancy and the baby ended up being 8 lbs. 14 oz. YMMV, but I would advise your wife to pay little heed to anyone other than her doctor.
Jammer
The doctor is saying everything is fine? Your wife feels well? Then the office busibodies need to buzz off. One need not pay any attention to gossip and chitchatter from these types of women. There is no set standard for how pronounced a woman’s belly should look (to laypeople) at any given point in her pregnancy and at 20 weeks gestation, the fetus she’s carrying only weighs a tiny bit more than half a pound, so it’s not as though she should look as though there’s room for a several pound infant in her womb.
Anecdotal reports of pregnancies are pretty irrelevant, as you said yourself, every pregnancy is different. I’m currently expecting my second and this time around was nothing like the first even though that was just a little over a year ago.
Make sure that your wife is comfortable, that she’s not overexerting herself, that she’s eating well, getting enough fluids and resting enough. Tell her that the only opinion which matters is the doctor’s, and the only thing that is important is that the medical reports are good and she feels as well as possible.
Like the other posters, I’d urge you to ignore the old wives tales and listen to your doctor. That said, if your wife is intent on listening to others I’ll add my own anectdote. My wife is quite fit, a former gymnast still near her competition weight. When she was pregnant, she didn’t really show until her 6th or 7th month and right up until the 9th she was still thinner than most of her non-pregnant friends. Even at the end, she was a trim, fit woman with a big belly. That is, the weight she gained was mostly the baby and she didn’t add layers of fat on her arms, legs, and face.
The fact is, most of her friends are overweight (sorry… big boned) and they used their own pregnacies as excuses for more overeating. They gained 30-40 pounds of unnecessary weight during their pregnancies (and never lost it afterward) and want to think that’s “normal”, so they criticized my wife for not gaining weight and being back to her usual weight within a couple of months after delivery. She might have been hurt by their criticisms that she shouldn’t be dieting while pregnant if it wasn’t for the fact that she never diets and was eating like a horse during pregnancy. And, for the record, the pregnacy was uneventful and miniMicco came out perfectly healthy.
I’d agree with the advice given here but I’d do more than ignore the office busybodies.
I’d shut them up with the comment, “My doctor is monitoring the baby’s growth and progress, and s/he says everything is absolutely fine. It just goes to show you that you can’t really judge the health of a pregnancy by sight. Thanks for your concern, but it’s unwarranted.”
If I were really feeling bitchy, I might add, “My doctor also says stress and worry aren’t good for the baby, so I’d appreciate it if you could offer your support in more positive ways.”
When my wife was pregnant with our daughter, every woman who had had a child gave her advice or made a prediction about what would happen. And in every case the advice or prediction was based on what had happened to that woman in her own pregnancy.
For example, a friend who had not gained much weight had a 10 pound boy. My wife did not gain much weight, so her friend told her she would also have a ten pound boy. And it would hurt like hell.
Other friends thought they were being helpful by telling her that the foods she ate were bad for the baby because they had eaten those foods and their babies cried a lot or were stupid or ugly.
Childbirth is a difficult, painful thing and many women seem to want everyone else to endure the same difficulties they did. It must give them some sort of twisted sense of validation.
To piss them off, my wife delivered a six pound girl, cute as can be. My wife did not need an episiotomy and did not tear; in fact, she never experienced any serious pain. She only had to push for 10 minutes. The baby’s head did not get misshapen by the delivery, so she was beautiful from the moment she was born. It was the easiest first birth anyone we have spoken to has ever heard of. My wife’s friends are suitably pissed.
With my first baby I gained 12 lb. and the baby was 7 lb at birth. With my second baby I gained 16 lb and he was clost to 9 lb at birth.
With both pregnancies I got tons of completely unsolicited horror stories from other women–I don’t know why women do this to each other but it’s awful! I found that the best way for me to stop them dead in their tracks when they were launching into some awful thing was simply to say, “really?! Well, I’ve been feeling just wonderful–haven’t had (insert whatever they’re talking about here) that at all and I just love being pregnant.” Then I’d go on to brag about the wonderful pregnancy I was having. And I really did have a great pregnancy the first time–the second time wasn’t so perfect, but I used the same lines to stop the nasty stories.
Reassure your wife and tell her to stop listening to this crap now, because she’s only going to hear more of it after the baby’s born! “Are you sure he’s getting enough to eat, he’s so small?” “Maybe he’s eating too much, he seems too big.” “He really should be doing (xyz) now because my baby was doing (xyz) by this age.” It just never ends!
The best person to knowthat your wife and baby are healthy is her obstetrician. I remember the same way she was feelign with my first baby and THAT is very normal too. Everyone scared the hell out of me. I really don’t know why people do that.
With both my first and second child, I really didn;t look pregnant at all until I was probably 7 months…don’t stress it, tell her she is very lucky and the weight will probably come off easier for her that way. - happy healthy baby to you both! (And tell them if they can’t say anything positive to MTOB!!)
It’s just starting.
Wait until after the baby is born, then you’ll get even more advice.
Tell your wife to smile, say “Thank you, but my doctor says everything is fine.”
And rub her feet when she gets home from work. She’ll like that a lot.
There’s a young woman at my church who didn’t even know she was pregnant until she was in her seventh month. You can tell now, but only because her mother is making her wear clothes that show how big her belly is. Don’t listen to the ladies at work.
Relax, and brush off the office gossips. If your wife is gaining weight, has normal ultrasounds, and if the doctor says things are fine, there is no reason for undue concern.
I’d just brush off the office gossip as well. You see I’m 5 months pregnant at this time, eating decently well (more than I did before but not absolutely stuffing my face to no end) and everything else… well I don’t look pregnant. At least when dressed that is. When unclothed I have a decent belly going but I’ve always been able to ‘hide’ the extra weight on my tummy just by what I wear, even before I got pregnant. Most of the clothes I was wearing before were on the big side so I’m still growing into them again (I had lost weight before I got pregnant, and needed new clothes anyway)
I have had numerous people tell me that I don’t look pregnant or I can’t be that far along but know what? As long as the doctor says everything is fine I’m not going to worry. Besides for myself I figure since I’m 6’ tall I have a little extra space in there for the baby to grow! 
It definately drives me nuts when people tell me I need to eat more, be gaining more weight etc. I haven’t really gotten the horror stories but then I don’t know a lot of people with kids beyond my family and they haven’t tossed the horrors on me, except for Grandma telling me how she lost all her hair with her first and the Dad’s mom telling me how the smallest was 7lbs 8ozs and the largest was 10lbs… and most of her kids were towards the 10lbs (she had 7 kids). But I’m not too worried.
Heck being told by the doc at my first appointment that tall women have an easier time of giving birth has eased my mind a lot!
This is bighead’s wife, not bighead. By the way, I’m appalled at the choice of his name.
During my first pregnancy (and by the way I’ve had three) I never gained enough weight to satisify any docter. I was nauseous the entire pregnancy. I ate pretzels all day. The baby turned out to be extremely healthy. He scored 9 and 10 on consecutive APGARS. So tell those ladies to stay out of your business because every pregnancy is entirely different. Good luck! The fun is just beginning.
That would be gestational
Ok, those ladies are just jealous. Your baby is only marginally larger than a brazil nut. The fetus does most of its growing in the last trimester. Right now he/she is just collecting all the parts needed later in life.
Does your wife exercise? If shew does, that’s part of the reason she isn’t showing much… good tummy muscles.
Personal experience… About 2 weeks befor my due date, I was out for a walk & a car load of teenage boys drove by Slowed down, cheered, whistled. Asked if I wanted a ride. I turned, and let my coat fall open. They must have hurt themselves getting away. One could not tell I was pregnant from the back.
I gained a total of 12 lbs. My son weighted almost 7 lbs. He was very healthy.
That was 37years ago. But babies are the same as they were then.They hold the reins of power.
If you haven’t already, get a book. There are several that will answer all the common fears and misconseptions. (No pun intended:))
Amazon should have a good selection.
Yes, gossip is without value, and yes doctors’ advice is irreplaceable. I think we all agree on those points.
A bit of perspective for the (always overly concerned) parent to be: you are not an idiot/crackhead/brainless moron who smokes 3 packs a day, eats nothing but gas station food and eats crisco out of the container. These people seem to be able to spawn and raise babies to adulthood. You know better, you should do MUCH better.
My point is not intended to be socio-economic, rather that babies are designed to adapt and survive. You, being a non ignorant person, are if anything, overreacting. This is not only acceptable, but the norm. Your wife (even without her cow-orkers “advice”) would be going up a wall just because of hormones alone.
Baby will be just fine if you follow the maternal instincts and common sense that your wife feels to be right. That’s mothering.
Keep in mind that every accident isn’t a tragedy, because that’s life. Also keep video of baby’s more embarassing moments, they may become valuable in 20 years.
All it it, ladies and gents, is the female version of ‘tales of the hunt’.
Men, down through the ages, have gathered around fires, telling eachother stories of their bravery during the hunt (or shopping trip, paint-ball tournament, what have you).
Women do the same thing. Our battle scars are our horror tales of pregnancy and birth. We often tell the best and the worst of the stories to show our strength in motherhood.
Take everything you hear with a grain of salt. Remember that every pregnancy is different, and wonderful, and scary, and magical, and terrifying, and amazing, all on it’s own.
If her co-workers are stressing her out, she needs to politely, but firmly, tell them that her Dr. says everything’s fine, and she’s healthy and happy, and ask them to stop with the war stories.
She’ll eventually have her own, and maybe someday she’ll be sitting around with her friends, telling them.