How soon to tell people you're pregnant?

Well, it seems my husband and I have figured out how babby is formed. I’m seven weeks pregnant today, due Oct. 6. We went to the first doctor’s appointment last week and I’ll have an ultrasound a week from today.

The problem is that we’re struggling with when to tell people. My husband is terrible at keeping secrets and about three times a week tells me how difficult it is for him not to tell anyone. Yesterday he actually told me that it was “killing him.” Poor thing. I told him that I’d at least like to wait until after the ultrasound to make sure it’s a normal pregnancy and not a blighted ovum or something horrible like that. Frankly, I’m in no hurry to spill the beans so I can start having people comment on how huge I am and what I eat and drink, and start rubbing my tummy. I’m happy to wait until the end of the first trimester, which coincides nicely with Easter and would be the perfect time to tell the family. However, I realize that if we do have a miscarriage, we’ll be inclined to tell family and close friends anyway so there’s no real reason to hide it from them. It’s going to be difficult for us to hide it past March 20, when we’ll be attending a friend’s birthday party and everyone will wonder why I’m not drinking, and I don’t want to tell friends before family. Even if we do tell family and close friends sooner than later, I’d still wait to tell my co-workers until after the first trimester. I see no need to rush that.

So, Dopers, when did you tell people you were expecting? Any regrets?

It seems prudent to wait at least through the first trimester. We waited through the 20 week ultrasound (the one for anatomic examination of the babby) just to be sure things looked good. There was also a bit of a superstitious “don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched” reasoning behind the delay. And it was fun having our own little secret for a while before it became everyone’s business.

I ended up telling people pretty soon, because I was having some problems and was kind of put on semi-bed rest for a couple of weeks, which killed plans to travel to see family at Christmas, etc. Since I was having problems, I figured that if something bad happened, at least people would know.

The product of “problem pregnancy” is now 14, BTW. :slight_smile:

As said, wait until after the first trimester.

I’m NOT trying to freak you out, but personally, I’ve had two miscarriages in the first trimester and it SUCKED telling people that I lost the baby when they ask how I’m doing. I’ve also had the experience of asking a participant in my class how she was doing (it’s a fitness class, so I’m compelled to be especially attentive to the pregnant ladies) and she had to tell me she lost the baby. She had told me of her pregnancy at 8 weeks and lost it at 10 or so.

Of course, you might not be able to keep it from your family, especially if it’s your first, but don’t tell friends/coworkers/extended family until after the first three months.

Well, hubby and I are 14 weeks along and we waited until after the 1st ultrasound which was the nuchal translucency test done between 11 and 13 weeks.

Honestly, I’m not sure what they can really see at an 8 week ultrasound other than number of babbys - is there a reason it’s being done so early? Or is there some new fandangled technology that isn’t available here yet?

(The 11 week scan tests for chromosomal abnormalities such as trisomy 13, 18 and 21 I think based on a blood test and a measurement of the thickness of the nuchal pad).

I’d wait until people ask where you got that baby.

We told family right away, and friends later on, around 11 weeks (thought some of that got around through a miscommunication earlier than we planned). I also told my boss & our VP fairly early, partly because I had to miss some work for doctor’s appointments, and would rather they know than think I was really sick, and also because I wanted them to find out directly from me, rather than starting to suspect on their own, or hear it through a rumor mill.

I told everyone at work at 13 weeks, after we heard the heartbeat. This was last week, and at this point, I look pregnant enough to the people that see me every day that it’s hard to hide it in work clothes, so it’s also nice to not have to worry about trying to cover it up anymore.

Like you, we’d have told family & close friends if there was a miscarriage, so that’s sort of how we decided who to tell when.

Arm and leg nubs, depending on what kind of ultrasound you get - vaginal will be more detailed, but I only got an abdominal one, since they could see everything they needed. My doctor just likes to do an early one because it’s more reliable for dating the pregnancy, and they can check for a heartbeat, make sure it’s where it’s supposed to be (not ectopic), and also, of course, number of babbys.

ETA: mine basically looked like a blob with a heartbeat, but it was really comforting to see it there, since I read the interwebs way too much and worried about all sorts of awful things that could happen without me knowing about it.

With our first pregnancy, we waited until 12 weeks - officially the end of the first trimester, just to make sure everything was OK. We of course told our parents right after we confirmed with our doc I was pregnant because it since it took some time to get pregnant, and in case anything happened we wanted them to know.

With our second, we actually weren’t in that big of a rush, but told some close friends around 9 weeks. We didn’t tell our parents until just after the first tri, we kind of liked having our own little secret with the 3 of us (me, him and our older daughter).

With our second, my doc actually sent me for a u/s around 7-9 weeks to determine the age of the fetus, but when I got there they asked me if I thought I was going through a miscarriage?! What?! No? I had some tiny spotting, but never did my doc mention this was an issue. Everything turned out fine, but that was kinda scary.

We told family and close friends pretty shortly after we found out. Our approximate rule of thumb was that if someone was close enough that we thought we’d feel OK telling them we’d had a miscarriage, we’d tell them. This took care- by definition- of the issue of potential awkwardness in discussing a miscarriage (which we never really understood anyway, actually). But, since our first pregnancy did, in fact, end in a miscarriage, we were glad we did it the way we did- we got lots of supportive comments and good thoughts from many people we care about.

I believe that the OP is thinking about it right. If you would normally keep family very close friends involved in what’s going on in your life regardless…tell them. More casual acquaintances, co-workers, etc. most people normally wait until after the first tri-mester purely for the reasons of risk of miscarriage. It’s not always fun to have to explain to casual acquaintance why you’re not pregnant any more, if that were to happen.

Congratulations, I guess we are all really close friends, since you told us first!!!

Yes, badbadrubberpiggy has it exactly right—the ultrasound at eight weeks is to get a more reliable due date, see heartbeat, determine number of babbys, etc.

Don’t wait too long, as people will notice the extra weight and be cautious about asking if you are, in case you aren’t, they’d feel awful.

Of course! We plan to call the baby Dope, in honor of all of you.

Thanks everyone for your comments so far. I appreciate it.

We missed the first trimester so we told late. As a result, I had a “really short” pregnancy since we didn’t know (nor did anyone else) until late.

I’ve been on the asking end of the “how’s the pregnancy going” “miscarriage” answer. The problem is that OTHER people aren’t any good at keeping “secrets” either. You tell your mom and she tells her sister, who tells all your cousins, one of whom works with someone you work with so she blabs to work, and pretty soon your boss is asking for your maternity leave plans long before you are ready to talk about them.

I will give you one peice of unsoliciated advice - you are due on or before October 20th (that’s two weeks past your ‘due date’ the longest most OBs will let you go). Telling people this will set “end of October” in people’s minds and keep early October from being tedious with 'haven’t you had that baby yet."

We meant to not tell anyone but very close family until 12 weeks, but I pretty much had to start telling at 9 weeks - there are only so many times you can rush out of lunch meetings because of the smells before people start to look at you funny.

My first pregnancy, we sat on the news for 2 weeks, then told everyone (EVERYONE!) at Christmas. Two days later (now 8 weeks pregnant), miscarriage. Way to ruin everyone’s holiday!

Next pregnancy, we sat on the news for months. We decided to tell people at 10 weeks, then we had some spotting, so we waited another month. Then I was in line for a promotion at work and I didn’t want to ruin my chances by fessing up to the pregnancy, so we waited another month. By the time word got out, I was somewhere around 24 weeks - like, practically viable. The baby shower wound up being AFTER the baby arrived.

Try to aim for somewhere between these two extremes, you’ll do fine. =]

This is right on. I would say definitely tell your family, though. Congratulations, BTW!

Re: Other people. You know, I hadn’t thought much about that until now. Now that I have that’s a huge concern. Our parents, particularly our mothers (I love them both, but really), have big mouths. My mother especially cannot be trusted with private information. I can just see telling the parents and my mother or mother-in-law proceeding to tell everyone in the extended family and before you know it I have distant family members congratulating me on facebook and then everybody knows. Yikes. I think maybe I’ll just go with Giraffe’s suggestion to wait until after the baby arrives.

Fortunately I haven’t really had any morning/24-7 sickness yet so that hasn’t been a problem but I can see how that might make it difficult to keep it from co-workers in coming weeks if it does show up.

Chiming in as someone else who’s gone through a miscarriage, don’t tell anyone before the 12-week mark who you would feel uncomfortable telling about a miscarriage. It’s not fun spreading that word around your work colleagues.