I wound up telling everyone at around 30 weeks (1 week after I found out) and then announcing the actual baby 3 weeks later. The baby shower was 2 months after she was born.
I’ll tell you what, there’s nothing like calling your fairly new supervisor and leaving a message on her voice mail saying ‘Uh, hey…I just found out I’m really far along in pregnancy and I’m bleeding, so I’m heading to the hospital now and won’t be in for work today.’ She said that was one of the better excuses she’d heard!
Seconded. The best advice my sister gave us was not to be too specific about a due date, so as to avoid the onslaught of “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” questions in the weeks. Be vague - say “Late October,” “Around Halloween,” or even “Early November.”
I’ve seen these television shows about the women that didn’t know they were pregnant until they were having the baby…but I always thought they were lying because they didn’t want to face the reality of their pregnancy or they were very uneducated about their own biology.
I know that I am being very short sighted in pigeon holing people in those two buckets…so please enlighten us on how you went 29 weeks (over 7 months without knowing you were pregnant.
That should be, “in the final weeks.”
I explained this somewhat in the “She Didn’t Know She was Pregnant” thread, but basically:
I’ve been married for 20 years with no close calls even with somewhat lax contraception. I was always told that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant due to PCOS. I only gained about 10 pounds and I’m overweight anyway, so it wasn’t noticeable. My clothes fit the whole time.
I had no pregnancy symptoms - no nausea, no food cravings, no breast issues, no stretch marks, no levitating belly, no mood swings, etc. I had what I believed were my normal periods of roughly every 4 months. My husband and sister were both complaining of fairly major gas when the baby really started to move and that was only about 2-3 weeks before I went to the doctor. I have another medical condition that would very easily explain fatigue and bladder issues.
Basically, there was absolutely nothing “abnormal” or different that would alert me to being pregnant. Even the doctors (primary and then OB) who first examined me were reluctant to say anything for sure until they got an ultrasound.
So, essentially, while it was unplanned and thus somewhat terrifying, if I had known, I would immediately have sought appropriate care to ensure the best outcome for us both - I’m on the older side for pregnancy and have another chronic medical condition. I’m also not ignorant of biology - it was just one of those cases where nothing happened that was “normal.”
Well, at my first ultrasound (8 weeks) they were able to tell me I had an empty gestational sac and a non viable pregnancy and did I want to schedule a D&C?
It was devastating - I had been so happy, I had told practically everybody. Next time (if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again) I’m not telling anybody (even my mom!) until I see a nice, healthy heartbeat on the ultrasound.
I had always heard not to tell people until after the first trimester, I was such a healthy person (I had been taking prenatal vitamins for months) I was sure I was just fine. Such a surprise to find out that 20% of known pregnancies end before the first trimester (and that’s just the known pregnancies). It’s like this huge sad club you don’t even know existed until you join.
Oh, totally. I never knew how common it was until I had one. It happens all the time, unfortunately.
However, more often then not, it works out, and I’m sure the OP will be fine! Once you tell, though, you’re going to have to deal with those annoying people who want to rub your belly all the time, and who blame anything you do on your pregnancy (Oh, that’s just your baby brain at work there!), and you’ll regret ever telling them in the first place!
Now let’s hope your pregnancy rubs off on the rest of us who are trying!
I actually had a chemical pregnancy the first month we started trying so I do know the feeling somewhat and it’s why I’m hesitant to come out with it so soon. Of course that’s nothing compared to losing a pregnancy at 8 or 10 weeks. I’m trying not to get too excited or too attached until we do see that heartbeat. That’s why I absolutely will not tell anyone until then (except you guys, obviously, and you’ve been great–thank you for that).
That’s so sad - I’m sorry this happened to you.
I’m in Canada and they market the 11 week - 13 week 6 day scan as the one that makes sure baby is ok, has an appropriate number of heads, arms, legs, heart beat and also measures the risk of chromosomal abnormalities as I mentioned before.
I don’t know anyone who received an 8 week scan - hence my confusion.
FWIW, woman are routinely offered the opportunity to terminate the pregnancy in the event of an abnormality even after the 20 week or 24 week ultrasound in Canada - I wonder if the earlier scan is because this is not an option in the US or at least not an easy to obtain option? Dunno - anyway, sorry for the hijack, and sorry for your loss.
Also, congrats to the OP. 
If you’re my sister-in-law or my brother, the answer to the question posed in the OP is never.
When/if I produce offspring, I can’t imagine telling anyone but my spouse before 12 weeks. My parents didn’t wait that long tell me about 3 out of 4* of the pregnancies my mom had after I was born…and I’ve mentioned before I only have one sibling 
I don’t think keeping it a secret will be hard since I find it sort of hard to talk about myself anyway.
*the first miscarriage was when I was 20 months old, so even if they told me about that expected baby I don’t remember
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, I started calling my wife “Mama” (including to other people) the day after we got the positive pregnancy test.
The 11-13 N/T scan is pretty common in the US - I opted out because I have absolutely no risk factors for basically anything, but it was offered to me. Terminating the pregnancy would be an option at that point, so it’s not really why they do the 8 week or earlier scans - plenty of women don’t have an early scan at all, it just depends on your doctor.
As for later termination, I’m not sure where they draw the line (I think it’s 23 weeks, but I’m not positive) - availability varies wildly by state though, so if you found something that made you want to terminate that late, it may be difficult to find someone who could do it.
Before we went in for the ultra sound, during the first part of what was my first and only prenatal, my doctor mentioned that he also wanted me to have the N/T exam at the end of the first trimester. I was in a higher risk group though, due to age.
Sorry I’m still a little raw, it was only 6 weeks ago. I had a similar experience to Sarabellum1976 - I got a positive pregnancy test one week before Christmas and just couldnt resist telling family on Christmas day only to get the bad news during the ultra sound on Jan 4.
But hey - happily (and possibly way TMI for you guys) I got my period yesterday, so we can start trying again soon!
I was also offered the 11-13 NT scan ‘cus I’m an old granny (as far as birthin’ babbies is concerned) but all was normal.
FWIW, due to my advancing age, pretty well all of my friends have already done their baby having, and baby trying, etc.
Every single one of them that had a miscarriage has gone on to have one, two or three lovely healthy babbies, so I think you have every reason to be super positive about things.
I had a scan at 7 weeks due to some cramping I think, which revealed twins. Because I was already 35, we decided to wait as long as possible before telling anyone. Just in case.
The timing neatly coincided with Christmas and since family lived from one end of the country to the other, we Fed-ex’d a copy of the 12 week scan mounted in a Christmas so it arrived on everyone’s doorstep on the 24th.
We told the world the day we found out I was pregnant (right around the 5th week). I have no regrets about it.
Congratulations, btw
Congratulations!
We told people around the time I was 12 weeks. Though I did tell my closest friend when I was 3 weeks that I thought I was pregnant, then told her a week later since she asked.
I feel your husband’s pain, though - it sucks to have to keep a lid on it, especially when you’re practically bursting with excitement.
Thanks everyone for your congratulations!
Yeah, my husband is the kind of person who can’t buy me a birthday or Christmas gift until the day of or he will end up making me open it early. I, on the other hand, can keep a secret forever if I need to. We’re going to wait until after the ultrasound to make a final decision, but right now the plan is to wait to tell friends until at least March 20 (when I’ll be 11 weeks), which is the friend’s birthday party I mentioned upthread. We may end up telling our parents after the ultrasound, with the caveat that if it gets back to me that they are telling people, they will wake up dead tomorrow. I can’t decide whether to tell our siblings as well. It’s just so hard to decide. Can’t wait until we have to decide on a name!
I think I’m going to wait until the 12 week mark. For the same reason others have mentioned. I’m quite a private person, so wouldn’t want to have to tell anyone about a miscarriage.
I’m not pregnant yet btw, (that I know of) just planning ahead!