I think you should wait. I had my kids at 37 and 40. You have some health problems you should work on. High blood pressure is a problem when you’re pregnant. If it would help to lose some weight, you should. I was 5’1" and 170 when I got pregnant the first time, and about 180 the second time. You don’t have to be perfect, just at a weight that’s low enough to help with some of your other medical issues.
The risks of having a baby with Down’s does increase when you’re older, but that risk is still low and there are tests you can take to check. I’ve seen women who really freak out about not having kids by their early 30s, and then I tell them that I had my kids at the same ages my grandmother had hers. It was weird to have kids at 37 and 40 in the 1940s, but she did okay, and so did I. So will you.
Ouch! That sounds like a very unfun pregnancy and aftermath. At least you had the twins to make up for it after all of that!
Fortunately, while I’m not going to be running any marathons (or half marathons!), I don’t have any problems doing the above. A puppy and three cats don’t require quite that much care, but it’s not an insignificant amount either, and I haven’t run into any problems keeping up/hoisting them around/etc.
(She did NOT just say what I thought she said, did she?)
Honey (yes, that was condescending, I apologize), you need to go borrow a baby or two - by the way, your chances of twins goes up with obesity, too - and keep them for the weekend. And don’t get no namby-pamby houseplant 5 month olds - go get yerself a couple of sturdy 18 month old walker-runners who are incapable of understanding our Earth logic and then tell me how much work a puppy and three cats are.
(And are you ready to get rid of two or more of your animals if your baby develops allergies? Houses with more than two animals (or less than two animals, oddly enough) produce very high rates of children with allergies, asthma and recurrent bronchitis.)
You know, when I attempted to go vegetarian I started gaining a lot of weight and losing a lot of energy. I have several friends who are med students and vegetarians and they told me when you don’t eat enough protein with the other stuff you can gain a lot of weight. After I adjusted my diet I still had problems (although not as much) and after talking to some other individuals I’ve come to the conclusion that vegetarian diets just don’t work well for some of us. I’d suggest seeing a dietitian if you can for help.
I wouldn’t normally bother posting this, but since I got kind of wound up last night, my disappearing from the thread might be taken the wrong way!
I won’t be answering everybody, as you guys are replying pretty quickly at this point and it’s taking forever per post (since I started with the hard ones ). I’ll still answer of course if it’s something that I can add to or clarify my personal situation. Just take it that your advice and knowledge has read, being seriously considered, and appreciated! Oh, and I know this is GQ, but your personal stories are very helpful too, so thanks for those as well.
Oh, and norinew, I didn’t get your email. I checked, and apparently I had my profile set to my work address (I’m home today). I might pop on later on today if something happens at work, but otherwise I’ll answer you tomorrow. Or if you have your note hanging around a “Sent” folder or something, you can resend - I just changed to my home email.
I had that ligament problem fessie mentioned when I was pregnant with my second baby, who was just born a couple of months ago. Didn’t have it with my first, and no one seems to know why. I’m an older mom (40), so I’m kind of tired & achy anyway, and during the latter half of my pregnancy, my hips and groin hurt BAD. I could hardly get out of bed in the morning, although it felt better after I moved around a little.
I think the thing I would do if I were in your position is wait a little while…not too long, but don’t panic, you are still pretty young. You still have time to try to make your current health situation a little better, without waiting until you are as old as I am to have a baby. I am in pretty good physical condition, but I could tell that even the 3 years since my last baby has taken a bit of a toll on my body. WhyNot is right about the toll being a mother takes, too. It is extremely exhausting…you are lifting and carrying all the time (and they get HEAVY before you can stop completely…I still lift my 3-year-old up all the time, because she is too short to climb into our car easily, for example). Plus, you never get any sleep. So the best thing you can do right now, I think, is to get yourself into the best shape you reasonably can before you get pregnant.
:rolleyes: You don’t seriously think that I’ve never babysat, do you? I’ll see your couple of 18 month-olds and raise you two five year olds and a three year old while also caring for an infant with severe disabilities.
Yes, I know the pets thing doesn’t compare. I simply offered a concrete example of why I know that my body doesn’t have a problem running after small creatures attempting to escape.
It’s the same risk everyone with a pet takes when they have children. I don’t think I’m special that way. :dubious:
We just got rid of one of our 3 cats, who seems to have been throwing more allergens than the others. And just for extra fun - now I’M allergic to them, too! Didn’t used to be. Now I have asthma.
Risha, it’s not that you don’t have babysitting experience, because it’s not the tasks themselves that are difficult. It’s that it never.fucking.stops. THAT is what’s so exhausting.
Well, geez, Risha, she was only responding to what you said. If you had said “I’ve taken care of 2 five year olds and a three year old while also caring for an infant with severe disabilities, and haven’t run into any problems keeping up/hoisting them around/etc.” I doubt WhyNot would have commented as she did.
That’s an excellent point, too. The second I sit down, someone needs something that requires me to get up, and it usually involves some kind of physical labor.
You’re right. I might have questioned how long she had done so, because, as **fessie **says, it’s the neverendingness that really gets to you, but I wouldn’t have been quite so incredulous in my response. Kids=/=pets, even a lot of pets.
A-freakin’-men! I’m the youngest of five girls, and my oldest sister is 13 years older than me. I was only 8 when she had a baby. My other sisters followed suit, three of them having two kids, one of them only having one. Anyway, by the time I had my first baby, at age 25, I thought I knew how to parent, because I knew how to bathe, feed, burp, soothe, discipline, etc. I’d done a lot of babysitting over the years. However, once my oldest daughter was born, and after a while, I realized, hey, this is 24 hours a day for the next 18 years!! I almost had a nervous breakdown!
Lack of sleep really has not been mentioned too much. You may be in great shape for 350, I know my wife was for our first child. After about two weeks of no sleep lasting more than 2-3 hours, her energy was totaly depleted. Things that she thought nothing of pre-delivery such as getting out of bed, walking to get the mail, thinking clearly about anything, were all quite difficult.
My wife had gastric bypass surgery a year after my first son was born and lost almost 150 lbs before delivering number two. She said she would never ever recommend getting pregnant while being so heavy, the two pregnancies were night and day different.
You can prepare for just about everything post delivery, except for a lack of sleep. It will truly rock your world.
Thanks for mentioning the lack of sleep. My baby has been waking up every 2-3 hours. Last night, he woke up at 11:30, 2:00, and 5:30. And you are up for at least a half hour to an hour each time. You can’t imagine how hard it is to wake yourself up that many times in a night. By the third time, I was crying.
Coming in a bit late here, but I’ll toss in my opinion anyway
I went into my first pregnancy about 45 pounds overweight, and my second about 70 pounds overweight (not because of leftover weight gain from pg#1, actually - I had net losses both times). I was told that I had a higher risk of caesarian section because of my weight - failure to dilate would be more of a problem. In addition, complications such as gestational diabetes and blood pressure issues (pure hypertension, as well as pre-eclampsia) are more common.
Like you, I had basically no health problems related to my weight before pregnancy. However, my BP was borderline with the first pregnancy, and spiked pretty high with the second one. No gestational diabetes either time, fortunately. I wound up delivering Moon Unit at 34 weeks because of the hypertension - it turned into pre-eclampsia and then full-blown HELLP and the docs decided it’d ruin everyone’s day if I croaked, so there I was getting unzipped :eek: And about a year later I did develop full-blown hypertension (common in women who’ve had pregnancy-induced hypertension). I’m guessing a caesarian section is also trickier because of the sheer volume of tummy they have to go through, though mine wasn’t bad at all. Basically, going into a pregnancy as you puts you into a higher-risk category in general.
Anyway… My advice would be that at age 31, while your fertility is gradually decreasing, it won’t be plummeting so you have a year or two before you need to worry too much about that. Investigate the hormonal issues (whoever suggested PCOS might be right on target; I’m not up on the diagnostic criteria there) as they’ll impede your ability to conceive even if you jump hubby’s bones right now. Try to work on the weight/exercise even a bit, and that’ll make things easier.
Also coming in a bit late here. Doctor speaking; nearly 24 yrs experience taking care of pregnant women and their families and attending births as a family physician in the US. Morbid obesity, defined by a body mass index (BMI) of greater than 40 is of major concern in the prenatal, labor, and delivery course. A quick calculation reveals that the OP’s BMI is 47.5, far above the criteria for morbid obesity. Hence, I’m hearing major alarm bells in this thread from a medical perspective. Obesity is a major menace to our global health; it’s not just about being comfortable with who we are, it’s not about body image compared to Hollywood ideals, and it’s not about casting judgment against those who are obese. The medical fact is that morbid obesity is called that for a reason; there are multiple morbidities (bad outcomes) associated with being so obese. Obesity is a disease, and many in the medical world are just coming to realize that it is a fatal disease - morbidly obese people do not have the same lifespan as those who are not.
That being said, the unique issues involved with pregnancy in the morbidly obese woman are many. Several have pointed out some of these already in this thread, but I will amplify. Complications relative to pregnancy for the morbidly obese woman include the following: subfertility (inability to conceive), higher rates of spontaneous abortion, gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, post-term pregnancy, multiple gestations, urinary tract infections, obstructive sleep apnea, longer labors, higher incidence of induced labors, increased need for cesarean delivery (with higher surgical complications), higher chance of shoulder dystocia at birth (baby gets stuck after head delivered which can severely compromise the infant), higher rates of post-partum infection, increased rates of congenital anomalies (birth defects), and ultimately higher rates of maternal mortality (mother dies as direct complication of the events of pregnancy and delivery).
So, the risks are many, and should not be taken lightly. Some morbidly obese women do fine in pregnancy and have normal, uncomplicated deliveries. But the statistics speak otherwise. Pregnancy, childbirth, and raising children has become a birthright in our society - no one can take that choice away from you, but please, please, please, make that choice wisely.
I just wanted to emphasize this point, since the OP set off my alarm bells for “PCOS” too. I was disturbed to see some people acting so judgemental about the weight issue when PCOS is suspected of causing weight gain in some women.
Sometimes, a woman with PCOS will quickly drop some weight simply by starting on metformin (a drug that helps combat the insulin resistance that often is part of PCOS).
Remember, folks: Everyone’s body is different and some people have genuine metabolic or endocrine issues that make it harder for them to lose weight than it is for the average person.
For that reason, I would definitely agree with the idea to consult a doctor to get some blood work done to rule out PCOS so you can get that under control if it turns out you have it.
I also definitely think it would be a good idea to see about getting the high blood pressure under control before you get pregnant, since that may lead to pre-eclampsia (which is potentially very serious).
As for the issue of waiting or not, well, here’s my take: Realistically, if you’re not willing to have weight loss surgery, the odds are very much against maintaining a significant weight loss for the long haul. All the research I’m aware of shows a very dismal long term success rate for conventional diet plans.
Yes, it would be nice if you could lose 150 pounds and keep it off, but I’m a realist. I used to weigh about what you do (and ended up having the Lap-band surgery to lose weight), so I know perfectly well how hard it is to stay motivated during the long haul it takes to lose 100+ pounds through the traditional “diet and exercise” route, and how very easy it is to put it back on even if you do lose some weight.
So, I don’t think you should put off your dream of having kids to lose weight when
realistically that probably isn’t going to happen. Instead, I think it would be good to focus on trying to do the best you can to minimize the risks by trying to get into the best shape you can at your current weight: eat healthy (including prenatal vitamins of course!), get your blood pressure controlled, correct any underlying health issues like PCOS, make a point of getting some physical activity in every day, etc.
Even though having kids at an older age works out well more often than not, the risks do start to add up as you get older. While it’s well known that the risks of having a child with a birth defect start to soar after the age of 35, it starts creeping up every year even at the age of 30. As the American Academy of Family Physicians explains it:
My own mother was morbidly obese and had me at the age of 37 without any health issues. The one problem that did keep cropping up, however, was that she was often too tired (and, nowadays, downright disabled) because of the weight and that impeded a lot of “normal” childhood experiences for me.
Overall I’ve had a good life and wouldn’t have chosen a different family, but I think in some ways my life would have been easier if she had been younger when she had me. For that reason, I would say that it may really be for the best if an overweight person has their kids at a younger age rather than putting it off.
Anyway, good luck.
While everybody has very rightly pointed out how exhausting it is to care for young children, I’d like to emphasize the other side - it’s exhausting but it’s also really easy to gain weight while you do it. You eat what the kids eat, you run around after them but you don’t have the time to take care of yourself too, etc. So you’re exhausted and fatter, often, which is a bad combination.
Particularly when you consider that, as an older parent, even though 31 isn’t old to start you don’t want to drop dead of a heart attack when your kids are in middle school. I mean, you have a serious responsibility to children with regards to your health. My parents were much older when I was born - my mom was 38 and my dad was 48. My dad had two heart attacks before I was 11. Have you ever seen somebody right after they’ve had quadruple bypass surgery? They look like a corpse. Imagine if you were a kid and that was one of your parents. Think about it.