I live just far enough out from central London that I get a seat every morning. It’s a great commute. Not too long (about 30mn), but long enough to get some serious reading done or listen to a good chunk of a podcast.
If I see a woman who’s obviously in a motherly way I stand up, but since I usually sit in the middle of the train rather than near the doors, this is pretty rare.
But I see the following a lot, including this morning: Woman gets on the train, moves in front of the person sitting down in the seat closest to the door. Said person is busy with what looks to be company paperwork or whatever. Woman proceeds to tap him on the shoulder, points to her ‘baby on board’ pin on her bag, and says, and I quote, ‘Could you stand up please, I’d like to sit down’.
Even my wife - who’s five months pregnant, btw - was shocked. As she said, “I’m pregnant. Not disabled, not sick. Pregnant. While I would gladly take a seat if offered I wouldn’t expect it and I wouldn’t in a million years tell someone that they should stand up so that I can sit down. Who in the world does she think she is?” I had to keep her from shouting out to the guy to stay seated.
In the trains around here, the seats closest to the door are designated for people with disabilities and/or pregnant women. They have the right to request those seats and it’s posted that you will have to give them up if requested. I assume the system isn’t similar over there?
It is, and they are. Usually people do give up their seats but people also usually zone out or read or text during the commute so don’t always notice. There’s no harm in asking someone to move.
Here’s a fun anecdote which does not necessarily reflect well on us: when my wife was pregnant a few years ago she was on a crowded, jostling train and asked a seated woman next to her if she could sit down as she was not feeling overly well (she had her Baby on Board badge on). The woman responded with a torrent of abuse and profanity. Thirty seconds later, my wife threw up on her.
There’s nothing wrong with asking, but the way she asked does seem rather rude. Asking someone who wasn’t busy working on something, not pointing to the “baby on board” pin, and phrasing it more like a request than a veiled order would all have been nicer.
Yes, there is priority seating, and this morning’s incident was near the door. But I’ve seen this in all parts of the train.
And yes, it wasn’t the request itself so much as her whole attitude. It wasn’t a ‘gosh I hate to impose but I’m feeling really poorly at the moment, would you mind?’ polite request. It was a ‘I’m pregnant and thus am more important than any of you in every and all ways. Stand up, commoner’.
My inclination is to think that if was any sort of a ‘bulge’ the woman was pointing to instead of a “pin” that the request might be both more proper and better accepted.
The method she asked in does indeed seem rude. Why not just say “I’m pregnant and my feet are hurting, could I please have a seat?” her way was so peremptory.
The way she went about it seems rather rude to me.
I never really showed at all, and I was prone to nausea throughout so if I was lucky someone would offer me a seat when I looked unwell. I think I only asked for a seat a couple times, as long as I felt fine I didn’t see the need to sit.
And baby on board pin? Do they hand them out at the Ob/Gyn to every pregnant woman? Otherwise who knows if someone is actually pregnant if anyone can go buy them. It tells me nothing. Not that I’d probably question it, but still…
If the seat in question is designated for people with higher need then I entirely disagree with you. The pregnant woman shouldn’t have even needed to ask. You don’t get to zone out and do paperwork or become engrossed in your iphone apps if you are sitting in one of the seats reserved for special needs. You should at least look up at every stop and see if anyone who needs the seat gets on the train.
I very hesitantly agree with you–hesitant because I haven’t been on a train in nearly 8 years. That said, though, it does seem to me that the person for whom the seat is reserved is within her rights to politely demand seating. She’s not asking for a favor, she’s reminding passengers of the rules on the train, and denying her is not an option within the rules of the system.
The fact that she had a baby on board sticker on her bag is rather tacky.
That being said do you guys not have priority seating on the trains? If you do then she could have spoken to the stafff and had them ask the person to move. if there is no priority seating then she had a lot of balls to ask someone to give up their seat.
The nice thing to do would be to give her the seat but demanding it is rather arrogant and rude.
Not a sticker, a pin. A pin, in fact, provided for free by Transport for London for the specific purpose of letting people know that you’re pregnant (which is not always obvious in some people) and may need to sit down. Not tacky at all.
Not all pregnancies are the same, so it’s not much use comparing them. If there are designated seats for pregnant women, I don’t see any problem with a pregnant woman insisting on priority seating. I don’t think she should if she doesn’t need it, but it’s no one else’s place to decide if she needs it. If there are no designated places, I think it’s fine to ask politely if you really need it–for any reason, pregnant or no–but not just because you want it. I also think it’s a douche move to not give up your seat if asked politely (unless you have your own medical issues) just because it’s so unusual for strangers to ask that if they do, they probably really, really need it.
Call me old-fashioned, but if I find myself in a situation where seats are at a premium, I think that men should stand so women can sit; young people should stand so old people should sit; pregnant women, or anyone (male or female) travelling with a small child should be offered a seat by an able-bodied person of either sex. Somebody gets on the bus with a load of groceries? Let them sit down. It’s not entitlement, it’s common courtesy. It appalls me to watch able-bodied men sit on their butts while women with toddlers struggle to keep their balance while carrying a baby in one arm on a crowded bus. How were these men brought up? And don’t get me started on the men who wear baseball caps indoors…! I will always offer my seat to someone who needs it more.