My father was not big on Christmas or on my mother by this point, so we’d stop at the pharmacy in town quickly on the day before Christmas to pick up a few small things and call it done.
I was 12 or 13 and never felt confident about picking out a present, but I chose a World Almanac and thought I’d done decently. The only thing I really knew she liked specifically was peanut m&ms, but I knew she’d flip out over a three-dollar gift, whereas ten bucks was quite a respectable amount to me at that age and economic level. And I still had some notion at that age of adults being more…book-smart or book-oriented than they really are.
She attacked me for years afterward, accusing me of buying the almanac for myself.
I get a lot of “Birds in Your Backyard!”-type books. Anyone who has given me one knows, in theory, that I have an entire book case of world-wide, region-specific bird identification guides, ornithology books, and checklists. A Barnes & Noble remaindered copy of “12 Most-Common West Coast Feeder Birds!: And How to Feed Them!” is not on the mark (though at least they understand that I like bird-watching).
Another t-shirt entry. An over-sized extra large t-shirt with our dog’s face on it for my birthday. I have no idea why he thought I would love this. I slept in it once or twice and then gave it to the thrift shop.
I was just trying to pin down what year that was, and it’s possible I was actually 15. I so hope not. Although if anyone was brought up to still be that clueless at 15, it was me.
FWIW, my mother did appear to actually like the coffee mugs I got her with pictures of her cats on them.
I suspect, however, that while she might have wanted the first set of cat or dog salt-and-pepper shakers that I gave her when I was a child, she had no use for another set each year for several years. But, as you say, she thanked me and kept them.
– she did sometimes grumble to me about something my sister had given her. But I don’t think she complained to the sister – except about the time the sister, just graduated from college, offered to stay home for a year so my SAHM could go get a paid job. My mother was furious; she thought she was being told that the work she’d been giving her life to didn’t count. I’m not sure I ever got either of them to understand that my sister was trying, very generously from her point of view, to give my mother what my sister wanted for herself; the problem was that it wasn’t at all what my mother wanted.
(My sister got the work she wanted. My mother continued to run the household; and running that particular household right really was a full time job, which she did well.)
Yeah, well, I probably had one of them in a box as well, LOL!
(My poor mother worked so hard to help me get at least a C in grade skul speeling and then auto-correct came along to ruin everything)
That is so sad. My mother always thanked us for our gifts, no matter how cheap and tacky they were. I was around 30 when I busted her hiding an unwanted gift from a grandkid in the bottom of the trash to be sure it wasn’t found by anyone who might tell the gifter.
That was my feeling about my inadvertent cat tchotchke collection. At least they knew I like cats.
My wife, Mama_Zappa on the SDMB, and I have been together long enough that I struggle with what to get her for celebrations. One year she was complaining that the only type of CPAP chin strap she likes was no longer available. This peeved my bride no end. I did some inspired web searching, and found one, even in her size. This, I thought, was GREAT! Something she needed, something she’d use every day, something she couldn’t get for herself, and something that wasn’t too expensive. The perfect gift!
Xmas morning I hand her the package, all smiles. She opened it, and said “You shouldn’t have. You. Really. Should. Not. Have.” And then explained to me, in small words so I would understand, that medical equipment was not an appropriate Christmas gift. I lost a lot of good husband points that morning.
And like solost I expect to be reminded of this every winter for the rest of my years.
As a rule of thumb, it’s unwise to buy someone a present in a field they care a lot about. They probably know what’s “good” much better than you do, and likely have all the obvious items they might want.
Some friends gave me puzzles as a thank you for doing something for a group. Let’s just say they weren’t puzzles i would have taken from a “free stuff” pile. I said, “thank you”.
I like science fiction and would probably describe myself as a nerd. That doesn’t mean I like every stereotypically geeky thing. Yet that often seems to be my parents’ assumption when getting gifts for me. For example:
A t-shirt celebrating “Pi Day” in 2015. I really didn’t give a crap about Pi Day. I do wear it, just because I don’t want to waste a perfectly good shirt, but it’s really not a shirt I would have picked.
A set of throw pillows that look like the “ctrl”, “alt”, and “del” keys. I really don’t need or want any kind of throw pillows, but even if I did I don’t necessarily want my home’s decor to scream “geek”. (I kind of think this one partly falls under the passive aggressive “Mom thinks I need to have throw pillows on my couch” category).
I’m no fan of throw pillows but those are great! Sooo tacky in a geek-forward way. If I still had an IT firm with a waiting couch in the reception area it’d totally want those pillows. At home? Fuggedaboudit.
Not speaking specifically to you or about those pillows, but it’s sorta fun to read of all the parents who’re now getting even with their now-adult kids for all the inappropriate schlock the kids got them when they were young or teens. Buying gifts across a generational divide is apparently hard no matter what the giver’s or the recipient’s age.
There’s also the fact that my parents, and I would wager most parents buying gifts for adult kids, seem to assume I still like all the same things I liked 20 years ago.
Now I just tell them to get me something off my Amazon Wish List. Which works for the most part except for the fact they can never remember how to access it and ask me to sent them a link to it every year.
For many years my attitude has been if I can’t eat it or drink it I don’t want it. Likewise I much prefer to give gifts of the same genre.
Nobody ever has that guilt-ridden “how do I get rid of this without offending the giver?” problem. If I gave you some food that you thought was gross, just pitch it. if you’re really backbone-challenged, just leave it in your fridge until its fuzzy, then pitch it. That way it’s not your fault. Whether you loved it or hated it, either way I won’t be expecting to see it again the next time I visit 6 months from now.