Seems that plenty of (wo)men are willing and able, enthusiastic, even, about
waving signs with grisly pictures or marching in front of women’s health
centers in hopes of “saving” zygotes.
So, I am confident that the most vociferous amongst you, of those who seek
to preserve the fertilized ovum at any cost, will be the most ardently
supportive of this request, and I will be inundated with legitimate offers
to do what is necessary to save these eight lives.
If sign-waving, spouting noisy, sanctimonious rhetoric, and sporting
“pro-life” bumper stickers on your soccer-mom-mobile is the extent of your
“activism”, then read no further. This endeavour is designed to save up to
eight babies from Death by Defrosting, and is quite serious. Trust me, that
“pro life” petition you signed, won’t result in one further human life from
being thrust upon this burdened earth: but you have the power to
definitively save eight. No more, but possibly a few less. It ain’t a
perfect science. But eight’s a start.
This is real. It is, quite literally, up to you. Put your beliefs where
your womb is, so to speak.
Ask yourself this: Am I willing to save eight babies? Keep reading.
Here’s the deal: I am the aunt to eight newly frozen embryos.
The biological mother is unable to gestate the little fellows for medical
reasons.
For purposes of clarity, we shall tentatively identify them as Eggbert,
Eggley, Eggison, Eggmund, Eggward, Eggleston, Eggtonio, and Zyggy. (Short
for Zygote.)
We shall refer to them, these pre-born products of conception, as the fully
enfranchised human units you pro-lifer’s whole heartedly believe them to be.
They currently reside, in a state of suspended animation, in a deep freeze
in a noted fertility lab, awaiting implantation into a suitable host mother.
And therein lies the opportunity for the Golden Grail of Pro-Lifery: the
power to positively prevent eight innocent pre-born infants from becoming
Thawed Tots, to be washed down the drain with the day’s excess spunk harvest
and the dregs from the clinic coffee pot. Think a day’s slogan-chanting and
harassing women at the clinic, would get you that kind of results?
Hardly.
What, specifically, am I asking? I am offering to you, the opportunity to
volunteer your womb, should you be in possession of one, to host one or more
of those precious pre-born babies. Rather than those newly minted unborn
people getting aborted when the money to sustain their nitrogen sauna runs
out, you can incubate those babies and ensure they are brought kicking and
screaming into the world! What a wonderful opportunity for you to really
make a difference! You didn’t really think donating to the National Right
to Life actually prevented a single fertilized ovum from getting hoovered,
did you? Come on, now. You paid for slick ad campaigns, you paid for
political contributions to anti-choice candidates, and your donation paid
for ink to print up embellished, lurid photographs of fetii dead of many
causes. But your cash never actually kept a zygote nestled in its uterine
depths. You must surely know that.
But now, you can prove your dedication to your cause, beyond any doubt.
Volunteer to gestate these embryos.
If you won’t, if you are able, then you’re a hypocrite. Won’t have the
babies yourself, but you’re willing to coerce, shame, legislate others into
it, whether they are willing or not. Come on, show your seriousness about
babysaving, and gestate these pre-borns for us. We cannot, but the fecund
amongst you can surely find it in your hearts to prevent the eventual
thawing and flushing that will end their lives.
Think about it:
Eight babies, in need of four to eight wombs. If you won’t do it, then they
will die because you were too selfish to provide the maternal hosting
service you insist that others must endure. So it’s quite simple,
really: you get to literally save at least one baby by agreeing to be
implanted with one or more of the embryos, and carry it to term, and my
sister or I will take over from there. After all, I’ve never heard a
pro-lifer worry themselves with what happens to the child once it’s Born;
the only important thing is getting that fetus gestated and Born.
Alternately, for you who truly believe that abortion is murder, yet are
physically incapable of childbearing, such as those with more dangly bits, I
can set up a PayPal site for you to donate generously to a fund set up
expressly for the maintenance of these eight babies in their cryogenic
hibernation. Or, preferably, to retain the services of a suitable surrogate
(or surrogates, depending upon how many survive the freezing process).
Thereby guaranteeing the non-abortion of these eight precious pre-born
babies. Remember, once the monthly fee isn’t paid, the abortion, er…the
thawing occurs, and they embryos die. You don’t want to be responsible for
the murder of eight babies, by a sin of omission, do you? You could have
chipped in towards hiring healthy wombroom, you know, but you chose not
to, knowing eight babies’ lives depended on it! How can you live with
yourself, choosing to pay for another month of AOL, for a set of acrylic
nails, or for a sack of pork rinds, when you could have prevented an
abortion instead?
Serious offers of wombhosting only, please. Compensation provided. PayPal
accepted for embryo defrost/abortion prevention.
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