I know this may seem trivial to some so apologies.
For most of my teen and adult life I have had to deal with a dominering mother. Sometimes things are ok and sometimes not.
My mum is elderly and has slight dementia (you would not know upon talking with her)
Her problem is her personality so I cannot put it down to the dementia because her personality has always been the same long before she ever was diagnosed.
I live a very long way from my mum so I cannot physically do anything much to help her. I am single, have a full time job and have no car. She is in a care home which is a very good one so she has 24 hour care.
I have no siblings so am on my own and my father died 5 years ago. My mother was recently hospitalised with a chest infection which I am glad is now clearing up. When I talked with her I said I was glad she was still in the hospital because she would otherwise infect the other residents in the home if she was allowed back not fully recovered. I would say that to anyone and if anyone said that to me I would be ok about it.
My mother was not ok. She responded by saying to me “I think that is a disgusting thing to say” She went on to explain that the remark showed her that I was more concerned about the other residents catching her infection than wondering how my mother was doing. That was not true at all. I am posting this here simply to see if anyone else thinks my mother is justified because I think she is over reacting.
I wouldn’t have a problem with it, although there are probably more and less delicate ways to express the same idea.
Also, I’ve reported this for a forum change. General Question is for things that have a factual answer. You’re more likely to find the sort of discussion you’re looking for in Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS) or In My Humble Opinion (IMHO). No guarantees that the posters there will agree with you, though.
This right here. I work in the medical field so I understand the importance of not spreading infections, but even so, if someone I love said that to me, it would sound to me like they cared more about any of my fellow residents except me.
A much kinder way to say it would have been something like how you’re sad she’s in the hospital but glad she’s under such watchful and expert care as she’s still recovering.
Weird and inappropriate thing to say. Saying something like, “I’m glad you’re in the hospital where you can get the care you need.” would be much more appropriate.
While I’m sure you meant no harm, none of us are at our best while ill, and being in the hospital away from her usual companions and not feeling well may be making her more sensitive than seems reasonable. Car or not, you should try to pay her a personal visit. Maybe you can get a ride from a friend or take a bus or train? It could mean a lot to her and reassure her that you do care about her well-being.
If you cannot, some flowers could serve as a visual reminder. A hospital can be a lonely and impersonal place.
I think she probably over-reacted, but I also think it wasn’t a very thoughtful thing to say. I’d apologize and tell her how glad you are that she’s on the mend.
It’s the “glad” part that’s weird. I might say “I can see that they would want to keep you isolated while you are infectious, but that sucks for you”. That’s not being “glad”. It’s like if someone told you they put their pet to sleep. You wouldn’t say “I am glad because now it isn’t suffering”. You’d say “I am sorry for your loss. I hope you are comforted by the thought that the pain is over”. Accepting that something is the lesser of two evils isn’t the same as being glad it happened.