My relationship with God is failing. I try to be the person he wants me to be, but I have problems with everything he expects me to do. Like, I don’t love my parents…I know its harsh, but I don’t. They aren’t great parent figures, and are not even good people. My mom and dad make me feel awful all the time. I can’t be nice to the world…I just can’t. When I was little, I used to have some friends that started hating me for no reason…just because I was too fat, or not popular enough. It hurt. I still cry because people won’t like me. Since then, I have rejected everyone close to me…at times I choose to open up to people…but when they show any sign that I annoy them or anything, I instintly reject them and refuse to be thier friend or have anything to do with them. I have a brother in which I don’t like…I know he trys to make us friends, but I just can’t do it. If at all possible, I need suggestions and/or guidence…thank you very much.
Dear Littlekitty666,
Sorry to hear of your difficulties. You have not posed a question that can be answered directly. You may wish to request that this thread be moved to the MPSIMS forum. Most likely, more people will respond to your issues there.
Once your thread is transfered, I’ll do my best to respond.
My suggestion would be to get hold of a therapist or a close friend that you can talk to.
This is a strange place to ask this question - why here?
For what it’s worth, I expect most Christians/Islamists/etc have trouble being what God asks them to be. I know I do. According to the Christian faith at least, though, it’s our desire to improve that counts the most. We’re none of us going to be perfect in our lifetimes. The most reassuring thing I ever read in the bible was St Paul wondering in a letter why he still sometimes did what he knew to be wrong.
It’s difficult to comment on your home life without knowing more about you and about it - and even then, just hearing one persons view on it is going to distort facts no matter how honest you try to be. You might get more /helpful/ advice by ringing one of the free helplines, like the Samaritans - they’ll listen to anyone who needs to talk and have training and experience with helping people.
I think the best I can suggest otherwise on so little information is to divert your attention to that section of the Lord’s Prayer that says, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’. Sometimes our daily bread is just getting through a day without feeling absolutely awful - ask for that at least.
I apologise to any athiests this ticks off.
Okay, sorry about the place of this message…this is my first post ever and I don’t know that much about it…the title of this place is “general questions” so i figured this would be a good place. I am sorry…I don’t know how to move it either, so I am kinda stuck…but, if you happen to know ways to get closer to God (dispite the fact I placed this in the wrong spot) please let me know
Welcome to the SDMB, Littlekitty666. If you click on “Report this post to the moderator” at the bottom of your opening post, then ask the moderators to move the thread in the comments box, I’m sure they’ll be able to help you with getting this to MPSIMS.
Thanks!
It sounds like you’re afraid of opening up and getting hurt–and it’s true, you will get hurt from time to time. As for your parents, I don’t know anything about them–but they have to earn your love and affection; you are not obligated to love them just because they’re your parents.
And as for God . . . well, as an atheist, I feel your relationship with him is whatever you make it.
Since this calls for witnessing, I’ll move it to Great Debates.
Off to Great Debates.
DrMatrix - General Questions Moderator
Littlekitty66,
I feel for you very much because you don’t need to feel like that. Seems like you are struggling with a lot of guilt about not being what you should be. Well get this-- NONE of us are what we should be. Not even those who think they are getting it. Every day we all fail in many ways.
But you know, in God, we have complete forgiveness. Complete. Rejecting people, hating people… hey, we all do that, often badly, and sometimes there’s no way to stop ourselves even if we wanted to. But the wonder of it all is that we can go to God IN THAT STATE and be completely received and accepted like no-one else can. I understand that it is hard for you to believe or even imagine that. It used to be hard for me too. But know this-- God wanted you so much to have this place of complete forgiveness and total acceptance that he got his own son to die for it. You know, all the demands of God on us, God exacted from his son-- and Jesus paid them. So today, God doesn’t demand anything from us. Not one whit.
Yes, there are commands in the New Testament, but the wonder of the gospel is that even if we don’t obey them, we can go to God through Jesus freely and be loved as children. (For those who think that’s not true, I submit to you that that’s the meaning of justification by faith, not works.)
You know, when you go to God today and say, I have sinned, I’ve not loved people etc. he doesn’t say “Go and change, go and love them before I can love you.” He says, “My child, I have completely forgiven you. You’re safe with me. And you are my beloved… right now, just as you are. Even though you see all these flaws in yourself, I still accept you completely.”
When these people reject you and are awful to you, don’t think that God rejects you because you don’t love them-- on the contrary. God is a loving father and his focus is not on what you do, but on your pain… he sees how all these imperfect human beings hurt you and he wants to give you a safe place to be-- a love that will not disappoint you. He is a God who binds up the brokenhearted…
There is so much more I have to say, but I think a messageboard’s not the best place… I make no apologies. It’s simply too long. If you wanna talk, you can email me. I close with a song, Hush by Waterdeep.
While I am not going to argue about a need to find love and councelling, you asked about God, so will answer briefly, specifically towards that. First, I am not a priest, pastor, monk, etc. I have met a couple of people with pretty strong powers and been through a few things myself, however.
The first thing is that there are people who are sensitive to paranormal aspects of life, others who are not. If you are not, then belief in God is entirely a matter of faith, the same as when scientist x says dinosaurs were warm blooded. Therefore, if you are among the ranks of such people, you should not attack yourself for having trouble beleiving in God. If you have such abilities, start looking for Him/Her there.
Next, it is amazing how much how one sees the world is connected with how one sees God and religion. I used to be Christian but switched to beleiving in reincarnation. It did wonders for me. Why? Christianity says I have one life, one chance, and if I screw up, then its all over. So if I am fat and cannot find a partner, which for the sake of argument we will say were not the person’s fault (My niece had such a problem from birth, for example.), then a person can feel very much weighed down, oppressed. Christians answer this with a beleif in the afterlife when everything will be put right. But no one says you will be able to enjoy the things in the next life that you missed in this one, for example, no one mentions sex, so who is going to ogle your gorgeous, sexy body in the next life?
I had one advantage in that I had noticed strange things about myself from my adolesence on, things like a proclivity for German even when my knowledge of the language was minimal and a feeling of being at home in Europe but not in the US where I was born. But the nice thing about reincarnation is that I stopped having a need to blame others for my problems but could blame what I had done in a previous life. Of course, I do not see my problems in the present life as being punishment, just as lessons so that I do not repeat past errors. Thus being overweight can come from a number of things. For example, if you were serverely hungry, perhaps even died of starvation, in a previous life, then you might be trying to compensate in this life by overeating.
Why am I going into this? Because if you feel pressured to do something, it can be darn hard to do it. Take riding a bike. If you find someone who understands the principles, then they can put you on a bike, hold it securely and tip you to one side or the other until you learn to balance yourself by turning towards the side you are leaning. But most people do not have that advantage. If they tense up, then it is much harder to intuitively know what to do that but if they are not thinking about it, can do it much more easily. Seems like there is a better example, maybe someone else will spot it.
I am familiar with reincarnation, but it is not the answer for everyone, just as Christianity is not the answer for everyone.
Love is something that comes from inside, not something one puts into oneself like food and water. Do you love me? No. You don’t know me. Is that a terrble thing? Not really. Likewise, if you do not know God, how can you love Him/Her? There are very few people on the planet who do not love something, maybe an animal, maybe a toy, maybe a place. Start with that. God created it, directly or indirectly, depending on your religion. It is a good thing (to love, if you love killing creatures, then what you love would not normally be a good thing unless you are a soldier. Of course, a pacifist like me would have trouble even then.) and let it fill your life. As you behave, so shall you be. If you are filled with love for a dog, let us say, and learn to ignore people, not hate them, the light of that love will shine out and be attractive to someone, who will then share your love for that dog. Then you might find you love that person, and from the love of that person, that you love other people, and from that love, love God. But to say, ‘Love God today or burn in hell’ is not very constructive and very stressful. God is eternal, He/She will wait for you to find your way to Him/Her. That is why we usually have many decades to live, not 24 hours like a fly (and you believe in reincarnation or purgatory, a lot longer than even one lifetime).
This is by no means the only way to answer this question and no doubt I have left out things even in my own. So if something is unclear, please explain what I missed and I will try to answer. Good luck and I hope something nice , no matter how small, happens to you today. Think of it as a small present from God to say thank you for existing. He/She enjoys it when you are happy, even if that happiness is not directed at Him/Her.
Welcome, Littlekitty666.
Don’t worry too much about the forum, it’ll get moved when a mod gets your e-mail.
The question you asked seems to require more than just a religious answer. I urge you to talk face to face with someone whom you trust.
But, until then, let me throw this out there…
Sometimes, it seems like bad things happen to good people and vice versa. This really has nothing to do with the relative worth of the persons involved, it simply is what happens at times. The Bible speaks of this in Eccliastes 8:11-14
Also not Eccl 9:11
But, look what is later written in Hebrews 6:10
i know, this doesn’t help you now, though, right? Actually, it does. it shows that God (whomever you want Him to be) actually does understand what we’re up against. Other Biblical passages give us an indication of how far God is/was willing to go in our behalf.
But, what if you’re not Christian? Or have some doubts about that faith? Or, just don’t see much to religion overall?
Well, I would like to point to you that there is Good in this world. Sometimews, it just takes a little while to find it. By taking the time to post this question here and wait for responses, you have shown that you feel that, too.
And guess what? This board is full, I mean FULL of loving, caring, and very helpful people. Of many different faiths, even those who don’t believe in God (or aren’t sure).
Read these posts.
Respond to them, as though this is a conversation.
Go outside, it’s a beautiful evening.
You took the first ( and HARDEST) step already… You asked for help.
That is an amazing thing. You will get better. Trust us.
rumraisin- Thank you! That makes me feel a whole lot better. God is a serious issue that shouldn’t be taken to lightly and I think that “Arturas” has a good point…what if there are rencarnations? I am trying to find my way into life before I start it…I am 15, and don’t even know what I belive in or who I need to be. I haven’t had a good life these past 15 years, but I am ready to find something to change that…
NoClueBoy- Thanks for the support.
See my problem is, is that I don’t want to take chances. If this happens to be our only life, how are we supposed to be and how are we supposed to live it? I don’t want to think that a sin here and there is okay as long as I ask for forgiveness, then go to Hell for it. I want to be kind and respectful to everyone, but it’s too hard…and I was told that if I don’t stop rejecting people in my life, I will go to Hell.
There is fine line between faith and just believing what you are told. At your age, you may have a little problem separating them, but you are also already grown enough to make your own choices in many things.
There seem to be as many interpretations of the Bible as there are copies of it, but the real message seems relatively clear.
Do some research on these questions:
*What does the Bible really say about Hell?
Would a God of Love be that cruel?
What did Jesus teach about Love, mercy, and righteousness?*
These questions are answerable. Have a little fun doing some research, either online or through books. You will find quite alot of comfort.
But, I’m not going to witness to you. If you want, I can post some links or cites for those questions. But, try to find it yourself first.
Your tone seems to be a little happier already. I’m glad to see that.
And, look around… We’ve got alot of different things going on around here that you may find interesting. It’s not all just religion and politics. Some of it is just plain ol’ fun.
Enjoy! 
Thanks! I think I will look those questions up tonight…as for me sounding happier, I feel it too…I am lost at the crossroads of everything from friends, religion, family, and myself…we are all crashing in the middle…I am hoping to sort out my life, starting with religion…and it helps to know other people’s opinions and thoughts…I figured once I turn 50, I can enjoy life 
Littlekitty666, being able to ask the questions is the first step toward finding answers.
Always remember, if there is a God, he designed you. That doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for what you make of yourself, but it can give you perspective about where you’re starting from.
And, of course, if there isn’t a God, you can’t offend him!
Best wishes.
Julie
You might try to ask yourself some questions. How does your religious belief help you? Will it make you a better person, or do you worry about failing to live up to it? Do people keep telling you that you’re going to go to hell for this or that?
There might come a point where you have to ask yourself whether or not you want to continue to keep trying to believe as you do, or if you need to look at God in a different manner. It might be a good time to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship with God. Why do you believe in God? Do you believe because people tell you you will go to hell if you do not believe? Do you believe because you figure things will be better if only you could make yourself be a better follower of God?
I have no answers, but there are a lot of questions.
I wish you the best, LittleKitty666!
—I was told that if I don’t stop rejecting people in my life, I will go to Hell.—
My advice: don’t believe everything you’re told. But then, don’t reject people either.
The reason you should do certain things, in my opinion, is not because some dogma tells you to, but because you have a conviction that it’s RIGHT. You’re young, so your convictions and values aren’t fully developed yet: that’s normal. As you learn more about life, they’ll come into their own: you’ll know who you are, and where you want to go. In meantime, it’s okay not to know what you think about concepts like God or Hell, or anything like that. If there is a good God, they’d understand who you are, and why you did what you do. Even if there isn’t, there are,for sure, people who believe in God who can play the same role.
Rejecting people is not bad because someone thinks its bad. It’s bad because you might be missing out on something or someone that could enrich your life. Remember: everyone gets annoyed at other people some times. Nobody is perfect. But if you want to get a second chance from other people, the best thing to do is give them a second (and a third, and a fourth) chance too. If you deserve it, so do they.
Anyway, there are lots of ways to view life. Not all even claim to be the exact account of what’s really happening. Some just deliver insight. The best one of these I know is the Niezschian concept of eternal re-occurance. Imagine that, everything you choose to do now, you will be fated to redo over and over, exactly as you did it now, forever, as the history of existence re-occurs over and over and over without end. Imagine each and every action you take from the perspective that, once taken, it will be your contribution to eternity: no matter what you do afterwards, what you DID is done: set in stone. That fact brings neither punishment nor reward: and the only one that will ultimately know and remember what was in your mind is YOU. YOU will have to live with what has been done, for all time. Are the things you do what you want to have done? Are they what you wanted to contribute to eternity? You decide. If you decide that you need to do better, the BEST way to make it happen is to really want to do it: not for anyone else, but because that’s what you really want to do and become.
Honey, you aren’t alone in feeling this way. It’s all part of being a teenager. The teenage years are very difficult emotionally.
I’ve been there myself. The social world of teens is very difficult to navigate. I had “friends” myself at that age who suddenly turned on me like rabid dogs because it was more cool to hang out with those who picked on me. Sometimes it seems like people will go out of their way to try to hurt you. I know it’s hard, but just try to remember that highschool is like a bad cold: it sucks while you’re there, but it will all be over some day. In a few years, you’ll never see these people again. If you go to college, you will find so many new friends you won’t know what to do with them. (College is not nearly as clique-ish as high school, and people are pretty much accepted for who they are.)
Try to just accept people for who they are. Some people will never like you, and you will meet some people that you don’t like. That’s the nature of the world. It’s nothing personal: some people just don’t get along because of personality conflicts. It’s more important that you like * yourself. *
When it comes to your parents, feeling emotionally distant from them is also part of the teen years. At times, I remember * hating * my parents. What’s happening is that, in a way, your mind is preparing itself for leaving the nest. You’re trying to find your independence. The next few years are bound to be a little rocky with your folks, but, in the end, it will all smooth over. You love them, deep down, and they love you. You’re bound to have differences, but everything will work out. You may find when you’re a little older that your mom is one of your best friends.
By the way, many people don’t like their brothers! I still don’t particularly like my sister, but we get along for the sake of peace in the family.
Now, when it comes to religion, I can’t help you. Other Dopers seem to be doing a pretty good job of that.
Good luck. You seem like a nice girl.