product "features" that mean nothing

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I bought a new pair of sandals, huarrache style, so I can wear them with khakis.

On the sole, it says “captured ambient air” as if this meant something!

captured - well, yeah it’d have to be
Ambient- ok, also meaningless.

so pretty much just plain ol’ air pockets in the soles of my shoes then?

why try to snazz it up?
was there research and design that went into the capturing of ambient air?
reminds me of baseball gloves.

They all come with a “deep well pocket” and an “edge-u-cated heel”
like those are some sort of selling point.
“No, mom, I need a deep well pocket, gotta have one, it’s state of the art”

what other products have stupid useless features that are like that?

2

“each J****** & J****** brand rectal thermometer is personally tested for your comfort.” GOTTIMHIMMEL, I hope not!!

3

My VCR has an “eject” button on the remote control. Seriously.

4

DVD cases that list “interactive menu” as a special feature. How could it NOT have an interactive menu? That’s what a DVD is, right? It’s like claiming the “play” button on a VCR as a special feature.

5

Incorrect. I actually own a DVD that plays the movie when you put in in the player. No menu, just like a video tape. No previews, though.

It’s Stand and Deliver, if you were interested. Amazon’s techincal details page for the movie lists “Fullscreen version” as the only “feature.”

6

I am looking, at this moment, at a bag of crackers that says, in one of those jaggy-edged bubbles that usually has “New” or somesuch in it, “This is the Bag!”

7

As for the “Interactive Menu” I don’t see the need in calling it interactive. It wouldn’t be much of a menu if you couldn’t interact with it.

8

The secondary fire on the Ripper. I mean, Allah be praised, a weapon that fires big razor blades! But why have a secondary firing mode that just shoots them at a slightly different angle when the primary fire’s angle works just fine? I’ve never seen the usefulness of that.