proper dress and conduct lessons from Wal Mart

If anyone was missing the entire population of a medium sized South American country last night they were all at the Wallyworld on Jackson road in McAllen, Texas.
Proper dress:
No matter how much you weigh the solution to your fashion dilemma is to buy clothes that are several sizes too small, painted on clothing that accentuates your huge ass and your rolls is ALWAYS a good idea, remember the clothes (not just pants) should fit so tightly as to restrict movement.
Superlow pants look great on ANYONE, the human ass is supposed to resemble a Football.
Sandals have a minimum sole thickness of 3", heels MUST be of the spiked variety and MUST be at least 5" (because the whole point is to further restrict your movement).

Conduct:
When investigating a product for possible purchase ALWAYS turn your cart in such a way that it blocks as much access as possible, this is your sworn duty.
When a spontaneous family reunion breaks out DO NOT move it out of the aisle, the rest of the world is glad to wait on you to finish swapping muffin recipes.

Whew!, I feel better!, I know it was my own damn fault for shopping at Wallyworld in the first place (particularly on a Sunday night).

Unclviny

As I just posted in the going to hell thread, I saw a little kid the other day taking a piss in the shoe department! His mother showed up a few minutes later, none the wiser.

And yes, we should never have gone to Wal Mart in the first place. At least I didn’t buy anything!

They’re all over , not just at Wal-Mart.
It’s worse at the mall, where they congregate in huge clusters with strollers and lots of bags. They stroll along at a leisurely pace so no one can get past, and they stop suddenly a lot.
They’re the ones who go down the escalator, step off, and stop dead, trying to figure out which way Sears is - left or right? How about you get out of the way of the 20 or so people who are piling up behind you on the escalator, moron?

It’s even worse when they have a small child with a doll in a toy stroller who’s careening around all over with no regard for anyone else, or they let their toddler push the baby in the regular stroller, and of course the toddler can’t see over the handle. He just zooms off at 80 miles an hour.

(I’m not anti-kid, I just think people need to teach their kids how to behave in public)

You shopped at Wal-Mart when it was a tax free weekend in Texas! Wow!

unclviny is not exaggerating about family reunions at Wal-Mart; it’s reality.

For those uninitiated in the region often called “The Borderlands” or “La Frontiera,” it’s essential to know that Wal-Mart stores in that area have a much different vibe than the rest of the United States. Your typical Wal-Mart customers are still part of the scene – the working class whites of a rural Confederate cultural orientation – only not in the concentration of what you might find in a typical Wal-Mart in … oh, Dothan, Alabama or Goldsboro, North Carolina. A Wal-Mart in Las Cruces, Yuma, or El Paso offers a completely different experience.

So, who are your typical customers of a Borderlands-area Wal-Mart? It’s not so much “who”, but rather, how they arrive. Large, extended families arrive in two or three crammed vehicles, usually massive, diesel-powered Chevrolet Suburbans and crew-cab dually pickups. They’ll navigate the aisles as one large group, moving at the speed of the slowest member, usually a 95 year old woman watching over her great or great-great grandchildren. The crowd will often stop for several minutes to compare and discuss the fine points of mundane items such as toilet paper or gel pens. Of course, there will be a few among the group who liken themselves to the late, lamented Selena, only they’re about 50 kilos heaver than the original; the too-tight clothes are standard. Men wear not the black t-shirts illustrated with airbrushed wolves, common in a typical Wal-Mart, but rather heavy flannel, even if it’s 110 degrees outside. One hairstyle does tie together a typial Southern Wal-Mart with one in La Frontiera, though; the mighty mullet.

A Borderlands Wal-Mart often has the atmosphere of a third world market square. It’s louder, more chaotic, more crowded, and quite a bit messier than a typical Wal-Mart. Babies screaming, constant announcements in both English and Spanish, glass breaking, and the sound of four or five different norteño radio stations blasting from every plugged-in clock radio and portable stereo in the electronics department contribute to the sensory overload that challenges even the most hardened Wal-Mart veteran.