How would you properly punctuate something like the following when a dialogue tag comes in the middle of a line of dialogue?
“I don’t know where the” I moaned as the pliers pinched closed “remote control is.”
a. “I don’t know where the,” I moaned as the pliers pinched closed. “Remote control is.”
b. “I don’t know where the,” I moaned as the pliers pinched closed, “remote control is.”
c. “I don’t know where the,” I moaned as the pliers pinched closed “remote control is.”
d. “I don’t know where the-” I moaned as the pliers pinched closed “-remote control is.”
e. d. “I don’t know where the-” I moaned as the pliers pinched closed, “-remote control is.”
f. leave it exactly like it is.
A seems flat out wrong, but what do I know. And I know that choosing b or e, or c or d would be more of a question of style since the hyphen and the commas serve the same function, but what do you do after the word “closed”? comma, nothing, period?
B. That is the right answer for most American English styles regarding splitting up a sentence of dialogue.
On a slightly different note, I would still rewrite the sentence. Cutting it after “the” is incredibly choppy. If the tag must be in the middle of the sentence, it would be better as:
“I don’t know where,” I moaned as the pliers pinched closed, “the remote control is.”
Except I kinda like the “the” stoppage, it makes the sentence wonderfully choppy… which I assume you were going for? Keep in mind I’m a non-English speaker tho, so you might not want to listen to me.
It occurs to me you might be trying to show that the pliers pinched close right at the moment between “the” and “remote”. The construction provided in the OP conveys more of a sense that the speaker is talking while the action is happening.
Conveying interruption is a little less standardized, but I would probably write it as:
“I don’t know where the-” I broke off in a moan as the pliers pinched closed, “…remote control is.”
None of the examples is correct. B is the closest, but that comma should be outside the quotation marks. The two pieces in quotation marks would have no punctuation save the full stop if concatenated. So you don’t put extra punctuation inside the quotation marks. Further, the whole ‘I moaned…’ is parenthetical, so should be bracketed by commas anyway.
Yup, B is the standard answer. Interrupting on “the” is certainly unusual, and it will be jarring and conspicuous to most readers, but if you have a good reason for wanting that line of dialogue to come off as unusually interrupted, that might be alright.
Other considerations notwithstanding, I would probably place the cut after “I don’t know.”
For my tastes, this particular phrasing is needlessly ungrammatical; there’s no longer any subject, so it’s not a complete sentence. I suppose the surrounding context might make a difference in how “off” it sounds to include a fragment, but on its own (IMHO, at least), it’s too awkward.
In American English, the commas definitely go inside the quotes.
In British style maybe, but not in American style. Just as the period has to be within the quotation marks.
B is correct in standard American style, and is the only correct version given.
I would also rewrite the sentence, because even for effect it doesn’t quite work. However, if the OP wants the sentence that way, B is the way to do it. In America.
US practice in placing commas and apostrophes is different from other countries, so be careful of the advice you get. It may conflict but be correct in the country where it is sourced.
I’m moving with Bosstone but I like this even more, as the ellipses catch the painful pause that you are trying to achieve
“I don’t know where the …” I moaned as the pliers pinched closed, “… remote control is.”
If you’re trying to convey that the sentence was actually interrupted (i.e., the speaker stopped and moaned between “the” and “remote”), then the appropriate punctuation is em dashes at the end of the first snippet of dialog and the beginning of the second one. The dashes are used to indicate interrupted speech.
I like a comma, after the “I don’t know where the”, however, a tag with NO relevance to the running dialogue makes it tough to figure. Some may argue that the quotes stay open, so as not to confuse the reader who is returning from the tag. But, it’s very choppy. Unless you are being interrogated and tortured over the missing remote control. When in doubt go to Little Brown Compact Handbook.