Pros and cons of getting a roommate; plus how do you find a good one

In My Humble Opinion
1

I live in an area with a fairly low cost of living, as a result the rent on my lease is not too damn high. If I brought in a roommate and s/he took part of the rent and utilities, that would come to about 10% of my gross income per month in extra revenue.

So I don’t know if it is worth it to save money, since yeah that isn’t ‘nothing’, but it isn’t like I’m living in SF or NYC either. However there do seem to be some pros to getting a roommate aside from the money.

  1. I have someone to help me clean the commons areas like the living room, kitchen and bathroom.

  2. If it is someone whose personality I click with I can have someone to converse with and possibly do things with.

Do other people debate this issue, or is living w/o a roommate (who isn’t a family member or a sex partner) just considered so vastly improved to living with one that it isn’t worth going back? I have had roommates in my life but they’ve always been family members I get along with, or they have been friends. I’ve never had a stranger as a roommate.

If I did decide to find a roommate, what do I look for? Are there books or articles giving hints on what to look for, or other people’s experiences on good or bad things that have happened?

2

I don’t think there are really any pros to living with a roommate other than cost and maybe your body will be discovered more quickly if you suddenly die. Nevertheless, if you’re set on acquiring one, make sure he/she is really ugly so that they’re not having more sex than you. That’s the worst.

3

  1. That isn’t going to happen. More likely, you will end up doing more cleaning than you ever have before. Even if you find a clean roommate, you will still have different priorities and ideas about what exactly ‘clean’ means. In the best case, you will end up with a chore sharing chart that is more hassle than doing everything yourself. In the worst case, you will end up doing the cleaning for not only both of you but also your new roommate’s 10 closest friends that like to come over to party a few times a week and also destroy your stuff.

  2. That only works for about a month even if you do get lucky. The quickest way to kill a friendship is to live with someone if you are already friends so never choose someone you already like. If you pick a stranger, the chances of that type of click are really low. At best, you can end up with someone borderline tolerable who you won’t mind never speaking to again once you part ways because that is the way it is probably going to end up anyway.

4

What he said ^

I have some roommate stories that would curl your hair!

5

The roommate situations that I enjoyed the most were with people I was already friends with. The few times I moved in with people I didn’t know already, it sucked assballs.

As for destroying a friendship shrug. We were always very focused on equitable use of resources and met regularly to ensure that the current crop of rules were sufficient and that no one was feeling ignored or shafted. Great practice at using I statements.

6

Yeah, the idea of a roommate is usually way better than actually having one. The only reason I’d suggest you go ahead and get one is if you’re the type of person who just gets really lonely if you’re by yourself. I don’t- I love being by myself- but I know there are some people who really hate being alone. If you’re okay being alone, then I’d skip it.

7

in this situation, how we’ll it works is going to depend a lot on how your house is set up and what kind of roommate you have. I know a lot of people who seek out roommates who travel often with work, and that seems to work especially well. It’s also better if they have their own bathroom and space to have people over.

Trying to find a college style buddy roommate is a pretty big risk. A safer bet would be to look for a polite boarder.

8

Yeah, there’s only so much beer pong and vomit one can take.

9

People who are looking for a room to rent are

  • likely to be in their 20s. Either in school or right out of it. As you know, the 20s are a turbulent time for a person. Financially, emotionally, and socially. Everything is in flux, especially income. Cleaning up the living room is at the bottom of his priorities. Socializing with a guy that’s not already in his social circle is even lower.

-if he is older than 30, he is likely experiencing issues you may not want to deal with. Maybe he is recently divorced, dealing with serious baby-mama drama (and he’s got custody on the weekend). Or he just got evicted from his apartment for mysterious reasons. And he’s got a cat named Jellybean who promises to NEVER vomit on your bed at 3:00 AM. Or maybe he just got evicted from his apartment because he just got busted for drugs. And he’s got a whole heap of friends who are always coming over to raid ya’lls refrigerator and watch your cable. Maybe he just got out of jail. Or he just got out of rehab and is living on disability. Nice enough as a person, but eccentric and lacking social skills. Or maybe he’s TOO cool. He’s just in the area temporarily because he’s got a short-term gig. He’ll clean up his mess when things are really bad, but he doesn’t intend to spend his evenings watching Jeopardy with his roommate. Eventually his constant comings and goings will make you wish he’d take his William Defoe-looking behind (and his hot girlfriend, who’s always hanging out) somewhere else.

Those are the downsides to your plan, as I see it. Having a roommate never appealed to me even when I was younger, but it’s a lot more tolerable when you’re in your 20s than when you’re in your 30s (I seem to recall we’re close in age). I wish you good luck in finding someone to hang out with, though.

10

It does depend on area- around here, shared houses seem to be the norm for anyone not in a serious marriage type relationship. Seriously, almost none of my single friends live alone, even well balanced ones with sensible jobs in their late 40s, and some have even teamed up to buy houses as a group.

Our housing costs are insane though…

11

Yeah, that is part of my concern. In a higher cost of living area I’m guessing a lot of well put together people would be sharing housing. Since I live in a low cost of living area part of me wonders about the kinds of people who can’t afford their own apartments. I can afford to live on my own, but the extra income from having a roommate sounds appealing sometimes.

12

You may not save any money at all in your low cost of living situation and it almost certainly wouldn’t be worth it for that reason alone. You can gain by splitting fixed expenses like cable, internet, and phone but you pick up other costs like wear and tear on your stuff and extra food that will disappear even though no one took it.

You seem like a fairly frugal person in person in general so chances are that you would probably be partially subsidizing someone else’s choices if they weren’t exactly the same way. Even different opinions on how much to heat each room during the winter, cool them during the summer, or differing schedules that dictate things you do not require by yourself will eat into any gains from sharing.

You will probably gain a few dollars at the end if the roommate isn’t a total degenerate but that is a risk and any money you save that way will be the hardest dollars you ever made. My personal preference would always be to get a smaller or crappier place by myself if money is a concern rather than to share with others but I realize some people don’t feel the same way. Still, people usually make that choice in high cost of living areas rather than the circumstances you describe and few people do it after their twenties for good reason.

13

You may not save any money at all in your low cost of living situation and it almost certainly wouldn’t be worth it for that reason alone. You can gain by splitting fixed expenses like electricity, cable, internet, and phone but you pick up other costs like ear and tear on your stuff and extra food. You seem like a fairly frugal person in person in general so chances are that you would probably be partially subsidizing someone else’s choices if they weren’t exactly the same way. Even different opinions on how much to room the heat during the winter or differing schedules that dictate things you do not require by yourself will eat into any gains from sharing.

You will probably gain a few dollars at the end if the roommate isn’t a total degenerate but that is a risk and any money you save that way will be the hardest dollars you ever made.My personal preference would always be to get a smaller or crappier place by myself if money is a concern rather than to share with others but I realize some people don’t feel the same way. Still, that is usually in high cost of living areas and few people do it after their twenties for good reason.

If you are going to go that route, you might as well find a live-in girlfriend. At least you still get screwed even if you get fucked over in the end.

14

I had a friend move in and it wasn’t too bad. Then his girlfriend was here all the time (not officially moved in but here when he was here) and the problem became twofold: One, there were now two other people occupying my house besides me (which will happen!) and two, there was a stranger living with me, not just my friend.

I was waaaaaay more creeped out by the stranger thing. I just felt uptight all the time living with a stranger. I don’t think I could handle having a random stranger roommate.

I kicked them out and I am much much happier.

15

Being roommates is the most surefire way to ruin a friendship. I grew to hate all of my roommates with a burning passion, no matter how much I liked them beforehand.

There is only one pro, and it is the split rent. There are a hundred potential cons (and potential money drains), and you will have to gauge just how much you need the rental savings and your ability to find a roommate who isn’t a degenerate.

There is only one okay type of roommate, and it’s the roommate that pays rent and half the utilities but isn’t actually in the house 90% of the time and never brings anyone over when they are around.

16

Let’s see - one roomie’s dog used to poop right outside my bedroom door and her cat used to hide in my room.

Another rooomie would come into my room and “borrow” my scented candles when he had a date. Also, he smoked dope, and since I was in the military at the time, that was a huge problem (and the one that caused me to move.)

Then there was the roomie who had to go to the ER, lied on her admission forms, and then moved out. I kept getting phone calls and letters from the hospital and collection agencies for someone whose name I didn’t recognize, but I know it was her…

My sister, on the other hand, has had pretty good luck. Then again, she doesn’t take crap from anyone, and I suspect she and her roomies figure out how to make it work up front, or they don’t live together.

Personally, apart from my husband, I don’t intend to have any roommates ever again. If I die alone and become cat food, so be it…

17

IMO, the biggest question is how old are you?

In my 20s I had a lot of flatmates. Some had been friends before (not close friends, I never wanted to risk losing a close friendship, just people I knew from around and got on well with) and some were strangers. I ended up with at least one lifelong friend, a few really good mates, a few I got on fine with but not well enough to bother keeping in touch, one girl who left us with a roomful of mouldy dishes and a 200-quid phone bill, one girl who made everyone in the house talk in whispers when she was in bed, and one girl who had a habit of flirting enormously with random drunk strangers, inviting them back to our place and then making them sleep on the couch. There were plenty of hassles along the way, but overall, I wouldn’t have missed the flat-sharing experience for anything. Going by the experiences in this thread, it sounds like I was lucky.

I hit 30 and realised I was just plain too old for this. If I’m gonna go through the complexities of sharing, it needs to be with someone I actually love. A lot of people I know feel that way.

Short version: if you’re under 30, go for it, it’s a lot of fun. If you’re over 30, I really wouldn’t.

If you do, my big recommendations: you need someone who is around your age and around your same stage in life. If you’re 25 and in the middle of your out-with-friends-24/7 phase, you do not need some 40-year-old who just split up with his wife (and vice versa).

Also, the single best quality a flatmate can have is directness. Yes, a scuzzy sink sucks, but nowhere near as much as coming home into a huge sulk and having no clue what’s going on. You want someone who’ll say, ‘Hey, could you check with me before you finish my ham?’ not someone who’ll still be saying frostily, ‘Well, if you don’t know what’s wrong…’ and slamming doors three days later.

18

I’ve been lucky on the roomate front since I moved to FLA. I’ve lived alone twice and had the same guy as a roomate twice. Both times it was because he needed a place to live and I had a spare bedroom and bathroom. The first time was rougher because of his (gross) personal habits. But after he lived with someone even more disgusting than him and spent time in the hospital with a heart condition, those gross habits went away. Now I think I’m the more difficult roomate but he’s very easygoing. Sharing rent and utilities has been a godsend as it’s been 7 years since anyone in my area has had a raise. Ideally, I’d live alone. But I got a good roomate.

19

The roomate situations I hated the most were with people I was already friends with. The couple of times I lived with strangers it was far better.

And it TOTALLY destroyed our friendship.

So as you can see, YMMV. With a stranger I was much more comfortable at saying “No, don’t do that”. With a friend you worry about hurt feelings…which happen anyway so sucks to be you.

20

I can basically afford to live by myself now and I don’t know that I could easily go back to having a roommate.

My former roommate was fine for a while, kept mostly to herself. But she NEVER helped with cleaning (and in fact I was often cleaning her mess) and it became an enormous pain in the #$(* to get her to pay rent on time. She bounced multiple checks and, even though she was paid up by the time she left, the hassle was NOT worth the extra bucks.

YMMV of course.