This is very mild, so that’s why I’m not putting in the Pit.
I was on a conference call last week. We were chitchatting in the first few minutes of the call, waiting for everyone to call in. One of my coworkers, who I haven’t spoken to in a long time, asked me to guess who I reminded him of. I knew what he was going to say because I know how this guy’s brain works. But I played along anyway.
Me: “Who?”
Him: “You remind me of Kamala Harris.”
There is absolutely nothing about me that is similar to Kamala Harris, folks. Except that we’re both light-skinned black women. I have very short hair. We have totally different mannerisms and speech patterns. She’s twelve years older than I am. I have nothing against Kamala Harris (as a human being…politically she was not who I wanted Biden to go with). But if you tell me that I remind you of her, I’m not gonna come away thinking you see me or her as an individual. Will my feelings be hurt? No. But I will think you are some kind of idiot. The difference between Kamala Harris and me is like the difference between Anderson Cooper and Mike Pence. They are white dudes with white hair.
I laughed at my coworker but I think it came off as me laughing at the situation. I told him (and the 10 people who were listening in) that I remind myself of Halle Berry, which of course got some snorts and chuckles. I look nothing like Halle Berry. But it was the only thing I could of think of to escape the awkwardness of the moment.
I’m an old white guy now, but 25ish years ago I was in Jamaica having a great time. A drunk black guy in a bar asked me if I was from the US. When I told him I was, he became frenetic because I LOOKED JUST LIKE THAT GUY!!.
Never figured out exactly who I looked like to him. We narrowed it down to a white guy who was in action movies. And we drank a lot.
Possible snappy comeback: “Yes, we both have two eyes, a nose, and a mouth.”
People can be clueless. I once worked with a woman who was socially inept. Let’s call her JM. Another co-worker, a black woman, told me that she was talking to another black woman in the hallway when JM (who is whiter than I am) came running up and asked, “Ooh, can I be a sister too?”
BTW, in the title I think you meant “she reminds you,” not “you remind her.”
“Why do you say that?”
"You look like her"
“How so?” “You just remind me of her”
“In what way?”
Will they be clueless enough to admit that it’s because you’re both black? Pop the popcorn and find out. It can also occasionally work to open someone’s eyes to how insensitive/racist/sexist they’re being.
Twice, by two different people, my white husband who sports a full head of hair and is 5’10" on a good day has been told that he looks just like Sinbad - the black 6’4" bald comic popular in the 1990s. People are weird. (I get told I remind people of Audrey Hepburn, and its pretty impossible not to feel flattered, even if I wonder if they’ve misplaced their glasses).
I would have played with his head and said, “So, that must also mean, when you looked at Kamala Harris, she must have immediately reminded you of me, right?”
Not defending cluelessness, but to me there is a difference between telling someone they “look like” someone else and saying they “remind you” of someone. Many’s the time that someone’s mannerisms or way of speaking will remind me of someone they resemble not at all. Of course I can’t think of any instances just this second, but I promise it happens.
@ASanders just above:
Agree about the OP’s clueless co-worker. Beauty may be skin deep, but stupid goes clean to the bone and doesn’t wash off.
But as to “remind of” …
This is a Geico insurance ad featuring an attractive slender young black woman acted by 30 yo Angel Parker. Ignore the white singer in the pink jacket; she’s not the point of this tale.
Between 0:25 & 0:30 into the commercial Angel Parker smiles back at the singer off-camera. Her expression, the shape of her mouth, the way she moves her head and her eyes is EXACTLY how Ellie does a similar look of approval. It’s uncanny.
Superficially their only resemblance is female with professional makeup. But I can’t see Angel do that without it being Ellie in disguise. Or vice versa. My wife sees the same thing, so it’s not just me.
So yes, someone can remind you of someone else while looking very little like them overall.
Nitpick: Shouldn’t the thread title be “Don’t tell your black female coworker that she reminds you of the Democratic VP candidate”? As worded, the OP seems to be saying that he himself is reminiscent of Kamala Harris in the eyes of his black female coworker.
In college I was studying at an outdoor table at a hole in the wall. A couple stopped and were convinced I was Jason Alexander. I was surprised because I was fit but it was a cool moment. I gave them autographs and let them take pics.
It can also occasionally work to open someone’s eyes to how insensitive/racist/sexist they’re being.