Thanks for all the helpful comments, I really appreciate it.
FRDE, I’m not pissed, and not sure where that interpretation came about. I guess I just feel like I shouldn’t be so overwhelmed by the stuff I’ve got on my plate. It is a huge work load I’ve amassed for myself, but there are plenty of times I just can’t make myself do the things I need to do, even when it’s something good and enjoyable. And I never really know what the line is between overwork and being busy, or making myself take time to relax and being lazy.
And I also shouldn’t feel like death would be easier or that killing myself is an option. I’m not seriously suicidal, but I do think about it rather a lot, and that seems symptomatic of a problem. I’d like to rid myself of compulsive behavior as well.
I’m 25 and in a very, very good marriage. I’m not sure WTF the “Glove Puppeting” comment was supposed to mean, but I guess Frank did, so there you are.
Thanks for chiming in, Brynda, it’s good information. I really, really appreciate those who’ve taken the time.
There are user-run self-help groups in many metropolitan areas (and some not-so-metro areas as well). My personal attitudes lead me towards those that have no formal ties to any mental health system professionals, but self-help groups range from totally managed and run by schizzies & depressives and bipolarites to “clubs” operated as a specifically designated “group therapy experience” by a mental health clinic, and everywhere in between.
Sometimes there’s nothing like being able to talk with other folks who have been there and done that (and in some cases are “there” and “doing that” same time as you are).
To help clarify, I want to point out that this hold/commit process varies across states (and I presume across provinces) and in some jurisdictions may be initiated by any adult, evaluated by a variety of professions depending on how this is written in the law, and is ordered by a judge. States also vary in the extent to which medication or other treatment may be mandated for people who are committed, so check with a NAMI representative in your area for more local information.
Sorry about that, my mistake, understandable - but a mistake - no offence was meant.
In my view there are two reasons for ‘depression’:
Irrational depression as nothing is really wrong
Rational depression - because one has something to be depressed about
In your case it sounds as if you have a pile on your plate, and just thinking about it is painful. That sounds perfectly rational to me.
I’ve been in the same position a number of times, taking on more than I could comfortably handle. The worst time was when I was filling four positions on an organization chart - I quit a very good job, and the relief was greater than a really good dump (was it Hobbes who described that as one of life’s major pleasures ?).
Can you find a way of decreasing the work load ?
I doubt if a psychologist (understanding normal people) or a psychiatrist (understanding abnormal people) would help much with handling your workload, well not unless they’ve been in the same position themselves.
I am very wary of psychiatrists, psychologists and MDs who think that they are either or both. Getting persuaded (railroaded) into taking anti-depressants to counteract ‘real’ problems is very unpleasant, it may work for irrational depression, but Prozac is not much good at curing a six inch nail through a foot.
I’ve a friend with bad work problems and very bad wife problems, helpfully his GP put him on Prozac - real smart !
My inclination is that you need to find someone, or people, who have been through similar problems - and managed to dig themselves out of the hole.
The compulsive behaviour problems are, or it sounds like were, symptoms of another problem - but like most symptoms they can become problems in their own right.
My view is that stability is like a three legged stool, if your home life is good, your work life is good and your social life is good - then you have it made.
With a bit of juggling, you can balance with just two legs on the stool, it is a lot harder if the stool only has one leg, and if that gets eaten by termites then one is hosed. Fortunately it is clear that at least one leg of yours is solid - that is good news.
My advice is to lighten your work load, also to set up a regime where you have time off and do something you enjoy. That is all very helpful, but not very practical as what I think you need is advice on how to lighten your work load.
Anyway, it sounds to me as if you are ‘oppressed’ rather than ‘depressed’, and most people would be in the same situation. I’m running through people I know/knew who have been in the same position - it is getting pretty long.
Most rabbits get paralized if they get caught in the headlights of a car, it is not because they are stupid, it is because they are physically blinded by the glare.
Good Luck in finding people who can advize you how to get your work load down to a manageable size - and keep it there.
Incidentally in British English ‘pissed off’ means ‘rationally depressed’, as in ‘I am pissed off with my cat using the bath as its litter tray’.
Sorry for the misunderstanding, I thought you were saying I sounded angry and hostile.
The work load is part of it. I just recently quit my full-time “day job” to work on developing a home-based business which, so far, has been tremendously successful and quite financially beneficial. It’s not quite at the point where it’s reliable income to keep the mortgage paid, so I took a part-time job on campus at the university to keep a steady paycheck and benefits.
Part of the problem is that I have, for the past year or so, really not had a single day off. I got up at five in the morning every weekday, sewed for a couple hours, worked eight hours, sewed all weekend, rinse, repeat. Quitting was a huge relief, but meanwhile I agreed to work twenty hours a week at my new job and that’s grown into tremendous pressure to work forty hours again. I put my foot down about it, but the least my boss would accept is thirty hours (this despite the fact that when I was hired he said he could “maybe give me eight to twenty hours, tops”). I do think you kind of hit the nail on the head with the organizational bit because now I have at least one weekday plus Sunday to work on leatherworking and am trying to “give” myself Saturday off every week… but there’s always more stuff to do, home repairs and maintaining a good marriage and training my dog and I’m studying for an apprentice falconry license to boot. I want to work out five days a week, too. And every time I stop to take a break, whether it’s an hour or a Saturday, I feel like I’m being lazy and I should be using that time to work on my business.
I don’t want to give up my hobby, especially as it’s tremendous incentive to work out routinely to stay in good shape for running around out in the fields. It’s good for my mental and physical health. But there’s no time to practice falconry.
And it really doesn’t seem like I should be so overwhelmed with it all. Maybe I just need help organizing my life and my time. Who do you hire for that job?
Regarding the “irrational depression” and “rational depression” comment: you can have both at the same time. There seems to be some medication-bashing in this thread, mostly from AHunter3 (who has expressed these views in the past), but medication is a valid option.
If you view medication as a crutch, that’s ok, because that’s actually a very good analogy. The crutch helps you until you’re well enough to stand on your own. Thusly, the medication will give you the strength you need to keep going until you can get your life in order, at which point you can stop taking the medication (under a doctor’s care, of course).
But please, please, please, get help somewhere. Feeling suicidal over having a lot of work to do is not normal, nor is feeling that taking time off is being lazy. I have been there, let me tell you, and I have finally just got my life back in order, thanks to the right medication. If you need to talk to someone, just let me know.
