Public Lingerie Emergencies or I Fought the Pantyhose and the Pantyhose Won

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Oh my, Salem, you just had me laughing hysterically at your all-in-one-underwear-torture thingy. I got one of those once, too. (As an aside: Ever notice that they are ALL still made with the cups in the old Cadillac bumper bullet shape? Apparently nobody has bothered to redesign them since the '50s!)

Mine, fortunately, closed with hooks and eyes, so it didn’t come completely undone. Unfortunately, one of the hooks came undone on one side. And the damn thing SHIFTED so it was diving for my cooter, most painfully. And, of course, having a hook and me not being a shaver in certain areas, I got HOPELESSLY entangled in it.

This thread is also confirming my long-held paranoia about front-closure bras. I have always suspected that the things were inherently evil, but you guys have definitely proven that I should continue to avoid them!

42

I liked “loungerie.” So much more evocative than “lingerie.” Sultry women, lounging around in silky things. :slight_smile:

43

If I am every elected President, I shall outlaw pantyhose.

Panty Hose Failure is not a laughing matter.

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This thread just keep reaffirming my butchness!

Viva la jeans and boots!

45

That calls to mind the “leg makeup” women used to use in WWII, when both silk and nylon were worth more than gold. They would paint their legs tan, and then draw on a seam.

I have a story that’s the reverse of all this. Involves an item of lingerie which did not let me down at the crucial moment. At St. John’s, we used to have these waltz parties (wonder if that’s still going on?), and one December, spirits were running high, in both senses. A big blond Scotsman took it upon himself to teach me the Highland Fling. All I could do was basically hang on, and at the end of the song, found that my strapless gown had been turned completely backwards. But my bustier stayed put! (And the guy was gentlemanly enough to open his dinner jacket as a shield while I made adjustments.)

And another story that involves no bra at all. I was ten, and already developing, if you can believe that. Naturally, it was hard to find clothing to accomodate this. So one summer day, I was at youth group, wearing this…thing…It was terrycloth, kind of like a unitard, but with no neckline, just straight across in front with spaghetti straps that tied around the neck. I had a bit of trouble keeping it up, and eventually, one boob just flopped right out.

As far as I know, no one noticed. I don’t remember anyone laughing, or making remarks, then or afterwards. My mom, when I brought up the possibility that such a thing “might” happen, reacted typically for her: “Well, you better not let that happen!” Long story short, it was decided that it was time for me to get some damn bras.

Wintermute, can’t you wash them by hand? I do, and I’ve never had the problems you describe.

46

I haven’t worn pantyhose much, but enough to have gotten the back of my skirt tucked into the waistband atleast twice. And my girls have escaped their front closing underwire prisons many times. But the first thing that popped into my head when I read the thread title, actually happened to my sister.

She was in high school and there was a boy she had a crush on that worked at a local store. She was constantly dragging me to the store to get this and that.
One night we went to a movie and stopped at the store on the way home because HE was working late. She was wearing a fuzzy sweater and pants, and unknowingly she was also wearing my mom’s panties across her back! :eek:
I didn’t notice until she walked in front of me. We had been out all night, and in the brightly lit store for several minutes. And she was all giddy because HE had smiled at her. These weren’t my mom’s good panties either, it was the big ol’ stretched out holey ones.
I reached out and grabbed them, but there was a lot of static holding them there so they crackled and popped. There was no hiding what had happened. One of us tucked the panties in our pocket and we left the store without looking at anyone.

47

Ok, so it doesn’t fit
(as a guy, the only times I’ve had to wear tights they’ve been a pain to keep up – just What size IS supposed to be 6’1" and 200 lbs?? WAY prefer the look of women in Stockings and garters, for sure!)…
Anyway this ‘slight’ hijack seemed to fit, somehow … maybe it’s just the sacrifice of dignity aspect …
I was in “Oklahoma” (show, not state) in that production, most of the ‘secondary’ roles were both actors and dancers. Opening night I’m Really into it, I’m out there in the opening number, doing the jumps higher, turns sharper, the moves brighter,
… and the big “lunge” at Front Center Stage, more dramatically and deeper … than my jeans (costume) were prepared for.
I could feel cool air on my inner thigh from my knee all the way up to the seam where the two legs join.
And it’s not like we’re there for two beats and move, this is a Long hold-for-applause pose arms out and in the air, beeeg smile, leg out … forEver!
First thought?!?! [enter thread tie-in] “Oh, Crap, am I wearing underwear?”[/tie-in] *yeah, that’s right, have to, shared dressing room whew
Second thought … “Maybe no-one will notice …” Smiling broadly, holding my ‘taaa daaa’ pose, I Look out, and I can see an entire pie-slice of the audience giggling or chatting behind a hand to the person next to them nodding in my direction …
Third Thought … “Ooooooooh, crap …”
You’ll Never Guess what the NEXT part of the choreography was … High-Kick chorus lines, women in front, men behind … except, >>I’m<< the lead end of the men’s line … the two lines kick and move sideways to separate, with, you guessed it, the newly-revealed inner leg ‘facing’ the audience … I’m the Only man Not covered by the women’s line, and The man who has to have kicks up to head-level, to make it all balance, visually.
“The show must go on” … took on an entirely different meaning.

Fortunately I’d worn jeans to the theater, so I had “alternate costume” to change into, but I could FEEL the audience checking me out when I next entered the stage … LOL

Fourth thought: “most probably … no-one I know was in that segment of the audience” … riiiiiiiiiight! Phone calls and messages all week ranging from "congratulations on your opening night to … “My friend Allison called … she was at the show … and said you shouldn’t be embarrassed … from where she sat, she said it looked like you have a big one …”

Careful lunges and jeans a size-too-big, paper-bagged at the waist for the rest of the run!

All True … and that’s the way it was!

48

Oh, Wyatt, you’ve got me with tears running down my face!! Great story…

Everyone’s story is hilarious! (Except for the melted on pantyhose—OMG!)

I can’t remember anything happening to me, save the occasional stabbing from a broken underwire.

My friend told me about the time she saw a lady coming out of the restroom at her office. She was new, and my friend didn’t know her name. The lady was already way down the hall, and had her dress tucked into the back of her pantyhose, wearing no underwear! My friend ran after her, and finally caught up to her and told her. I would have been mortified!

49

Shirley Ujest for President! (And no, I won’t stop calling her Shirley). And Krisfer for VP! And I thinkWyatt, [sup]who’s really cool and all, BUT [/sup] should be Secretary. Do ya make coffee, too, Wyatt and will you make jeans (with or without the air conditioning) and button down shirt with a blazer the official men’s uniform? :smiley:

One day I was sick or tired (or sick and tired) and needed to go to the grocery store for whatever. I grabbed my jeans off the floor where I’d left them and threw them on(ahem, not to say I can be a slob or anything. Usually my clothes are all neatly put away and alphabetized by designer label. yah, that’s it). I’m pretty sure I put on a shirt, too, but with me you can never tell. So I’m walking the aisles of the store and felt something in the bottom of my pant leg. I shook my leg a little cause it was bugging me. When I looked down, I could see a pair of my panties furtively glancing out of the bottom of my pant leg as they creeped stealth-like onto the top of my shoe. They had obviously crawled into my pant leg in the middle of the night waiting for an opportunity to escape. But being experienced in dealing with the devious nature of undergarments, I gracefully swooped down on them, only knocking a few canned goods down with my backside, and was able to grab them by the scruff of their sneaky little waist band and imprison them in my pocketbook. It did make for some interesting looks from the cashier when I opened my pocketbook to take out my wallet to pay.

50

I’ve had my share of pantyhose nightmares…evil, evil invention! The lingerie stories that most stick out though, involve panties and a corset.

For some weird reason, I decided that a dress was the appropriate thing to wear while helping out at a book sale at my son’s school. Wore pantyhose and a pair of very old and elastic-shot panties. Midway through the day, I’d had it with my pantyhose and went into the ladies room to remove them, leaving me with just the panties. Closing up at the end of the day, all of us were carting boxes of books around, when lo and behold, the elastic waist in my panties gave up the ghost. I was carrying a huge box of books and felt them begin to slide south, so tried to hold the box with one hand while making a frantic grab for my panties with the other. Well, guess what? It isn’t feasible to carry a huge box of books with one hand. I dropped the box, ensuring that I had everyone in the room’s attention. Books went flying everywhere, panties fell to my ankles, and I wound up tripping over something…books, box, panties, who knows? I was mortified.
Second story didn’t happen to me, but to a friend. We were dressing for a costume party. She was going as a victorian lady, complete with corset. She got into the corset alright, but then after a bit, she needed to remove it as it was unbearably uncomfortable. It was held closed by those little metal hooks, and a couple of them wouldn’t open. She called me into the room, very embarrassed, and asked for help. At this point, I think we’d both had a bit too much to drink. She explained her problem, and I started laughing, but I did try to help her get the hooks undone. Every time I’d try, though, she’d start laughing and say “Stop touching me.” which would result in my laughing more and more. After a few minutes, our hostess’ daughter came in to see what we were laughing about and she tried helping too. When the three of us couldn’t get it undone, she got her sister, so now there were four of us trying to unfasten these stupid hooks. Poor girl in the corset was in a great deal of pain, but none of us could stop laughing. She’d say “Help, I can’t breathe.” and then yell out “She’s touching me, she’s touching me.” when we would try and get her unstuck. Finally one of the girls went to get their mom, who brought in a pair of pliars and made short work of the hooks. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life, but I guess it was a you had to be there to really appreciate it moment.

51

The only story I can recall doesn’t exactly have to do with lingerie – but a bathing suit. Eighth grade, pool party at the end of the year. Excited, because I was such a dork and thrilled to get to hang out with the cool kids. Of course, needed a new swimsuit for the occasion. Selected a darling one piece with a geographic pattern in BRIGHT NEON EYECATCHING colors of orange and pink. I was so proud of that suit! Also, I couldn’t wear it swimming before the party because – well, when you buy something new for a specific event, you can’t wear it before that event, right? Got to the party, had a fabulous time swimming with the in crowd. When I got home, (still damp), I happened to catch a look at myself in the mirror while changing and lo and behold, the crotch of the suit, which was not lined, was see through when wet!! :eek: Good thing it was the end of junior high and I moved on to high school, so never had to see most of those kids again!

52

Yeah, me too. Of course, there was that time in track practice when my jockstrap broke while I was running laps. I had to head back to the locker room right past the whole girls track team while trying to keep anything from peaking out of my shorts.

It’s a strange feeling when a jock breaks and rolls up between your legs.

53

Yes, Ma’am, Salem. Button down, Blazer and jeans (UN-airconditioned, thank you, 'least till I get to know you better … or find out it would improve my chances for promotion …)

Proud to blend and brew fine medicinal herbs and beans …

A Nice Hot cup of Coffee for you, Ma’am,
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Careful now
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it’s hot
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Wouldn’t want you to get * b u r n e d * :wink: