Pure Eye Candy Movies (And a question about my nominee, Mohicans)

Movies that really don’t need a plot at all to be worth watching, over and over again.

My current favorite: “The Last of the Mohicans”… You can look at Daniel Day Lewis, playing The Most Beautiful Man Who Ever Lived, or, if you like, you can look at Madelaine Stowe, playing one of the Loveliest Women Who ever Lived, or, if neither one is onscreen, you can enjoy the North Carolina locations, playing the part of the Most Breathtakingly Beautiful Country On Earth.

And now my question… are we supposed to think that Nathaniel and Cora had sex at the fort? The energy and moves are very intense and passionate, then when we return to them, they seem chilled and sated…but it doesn’t seem believable. Even with the horror of war and death all around, I find it hard to buy that Cora is hitching up her skirt to get nailed quite that easily.

Although, when the nailor is The Most Beautiful Man Who Ever Lived, it’s kinda understandable.

Speed Racer is what CGI software sees in its dreams. How you feel about CGI in movies will dictate your response to it. (I liked it. I think CGI is both a great new art and a step in the long process of improving reality for the purpose of art in general.)

The first one that comes to mind is Snow Falling on Cedars. I think that Rick Yune, Youki Kudoh, Ethan Hawke and Sam Shepard all look great and Scott Hicks makes everything look like a painting. There are shots from the movie that I recall but most of the plot is a mystery to me.

The scenes in Forrest Gump where he’s running cross country and back again.

All of* Hellboy 2*. All of the gorgeous, creepy and fantastical visual effects of Pan’s Labyrinth without a heart-wrenching plot to worry about.

I nominate Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow . I watched it in English and was sorely disappointed. How do you make a bad movie about not just robots, not just giant robots, but giant flying robots? The mind reels.

Later, I saw it on television in Russia, dubbed in German with Russian subtitles. It was greatly improved by the fact that I do not speak either language other than to the extent necessary to get a drink.

The movie that goes on in your head when you watch it without the script is much better.

What Dreams May Come had an ultimately flawed script, but the movie itself was gorgeous. If you lopped off the beginning, I’d gladly watch through on mute.

I came in for What Dreams May Come*. Not a good movie, but a beautiful one.

“The Notorious Bettie Page” doesn’t have much going for it–it’s well filmed and Gretchen Moll looks really good, but it’s not a very deep movie, and its subject is surprisingly uninteresting.

CQ. It’s a love note written to 60’s films like Barbarella or Modesty Blaise (y’know, is there a name for this type of movie?), and 60’s film-makers (the writer-director, Roman Coppola, is Francis Ford’s son and grew up in this atmosphere). IMO, most of the appeal of the movie is simply in how it looks-- how well it captures the feel of both the films and film-making atmosphere. The clothes are right, the props are right. And, of course, the beautiful woman playing the beautiful actress playing the beautiful sci-fi heroine is just pure eye candy.

The DVD is fun, too-- the in-movie movie is presented as a stand-alone short in two different “cuts” done by in-movie characters. For when you want the eye candy of the Barbarella-esque scenes without the other stuff.

The vast majority of Dreams by Kurosawa is an incredible feast for the eyes. The village of the waterwheels is probably my favourite.

About the sex, Stoid, it’s hard to believe that they’d get nekkid under those conditions. But picturing Nathaniel with his buckskins at his knees and Cora with skirts hiked up – not romantic. I choose to believe that they had the kind of satisfying sex that you can have with your clothes on, and that they’ll do it right later.

I could watch Amelie and Sin City without sound or captions.

Final Fantasy. Impressive technical feat - vapid, useless storyline.

If you asked anyone who saw Into the Blue for a brief summary of what it was about, it would be “Jessica Alba in a bikini”. If you asked for a more in-depth discussion of the plot, it would be “Jessica Alba and that other girl in bikinis”.

Titanic. Screw Leonardo DiCaprio-I just want to drool over Rose’s wardrobe.

Days of Heaven. The story is good, too, but the photography is fascinating from start to finish.

Oh yeah. There were scenes in that movie that reminded me of Andrew Wyeth, Christina’s World in particular.

Orlando is a beautiful film. I also happen to like the story, but have shown it to numerous people who didn’t care for the story but still loved the look. Sally Potter makes gorgeous movies.

Also, anything by Julie Taymor - Frida, Titus, Across the Universe, whatever.

AH, I just thought of another: “Marie Antoinette”…that movie was so much eye candy I could practically taste it.

For me, the best part is that scene of a little coal-black pug against her candy-pink court dress. One of the prettiest pictures I’ve ever seen in a movie.