Came up with my own tongue twister today.
Twitching twitter tweeters tweeting truly torturous twirling.
Going to McDonald’s don’t make you a hamburger any more than going to church makes you a Christian.
- Redneck proverb
Inspired by “Jaws”; sung to tune of “Go tell Aunt Rhodie”
Go tell Chief Brody
Go tell Chief Brody
Go tell Chief Brody
Another swimmer’s dead.
They found just the torso
They found just the torso
They found just the torso
Without its limbs or head.
It looks like a great white
It looks like a great white
It looks like a great white
Upon the swimmer fed.
“We can’t spook the tourists”
“We can’t spook the tourists”
“We can’t spook the tourists”
The city fathers said.
The crowds drew the shark in
The crowds drew the shark in
The crowds drew the shark in;
it turned the water red.
(etc. if I can, I’ll find a way to tell the whole story in rhyme)
(Inspired by Andrew Dice Clay’s “Mother Goose” rhymes:
HumpMe DumpMe loved to ball
HumpMe DumpMe was had by us all
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Meant HumpMe’d never be a virgin again.
(Sung to the tune of, “I Want a Hippopotamus For Xmas.”)
I need a white rhinoceros for breeding
Only a male rhinoceros will do
The last one died today
There won’t be any more
Unless they artificially inseminate a rhino whore
With only a white rhinoceros’s splooooooge.
(Sung to the tune of Cara Mia by Jay and the Americans)
Paramecia!
Move with cilia!
Their tiny tongues…
are their hearts and their lu-ungs!
Overheard in Amsterdam’s famous “red light” district (to tune of “How Much Is That Doggy In The Window”):
“How much is that hooker in the window?
The one with the wiggly tail.”
My doctor prescribed me a cocktail of Ginseng, Metamucil and Viagra. He said it’s for people who don’t know whether they’re coming or going.
The University of Alabama has had to stop the installation of a series of round doors on campus after fights broke out when they were left open. Apparently being told to “Shut yer Pi Hole” caused some individuals to take exception…
Guy tries to tear up and throw away May Day protest sign. Epic Fail.