thank you for the update mr. bear. keep up the good work, purplebear .
{{{{{Purplebear}}}}} Ah hon, I hope that everything gets better really soon. I’ve been there, and you’ve got my prayers winging towards you. I thought that you had “other” things going on and that’s why you haven’t been in AIM lately. Didn’t realize you were sick. Take care…miss you!
(((Mr. Bear))) I’m glad that you are here with her. You take care too.
Could we have an update please MrBear.
Well after reading Mr.Bears update in Vestal Blue’s thread I hope to out do that wicked Cheif Scoot with this offering for Purplebear.
He said… Want a quickie?
She said…As opposed to what?
He said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to
put in it.
She said…You wear briefs, don’t you?
He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make
love to you in the worst way.
She said…Well, you succeeded.
He said… ‘If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then
we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we
could fire the maid as well.’
She said…‘Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me
properly we could do without the gardener too’
He said… Why do you women always try to impress us with your
looks, not with your brains?
She said…Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron
than he is blind.
He said… Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said…I would, but you’re never there.
He said… “Shall we try a different position tonight?”
She said…"That’s a good idea… you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart. "
Sorry I haven’t posted an update sooner. I was hoping to have some good news to post, but I don’t. Purple Bear is still in the hospital and still spiking temps. A second CT scan yesterday showed nothing new, so the docs don’t know why she is still spiking temps. The orginal plan called for her to start oral antibotics yesterday and to be discharged today, but they have still have her on IV antiboitcs, so I don’t expect her to be released today.
I will try to remember to post updates to the two threads that have been started for her (alternating betweent them). Thanks for the kind words and thoughts. She has really enjoyed the jokes.
God, you leave the boards for just a little while…
Feel better, Purp. It’s not the same without you. And I shall now leave you with the infinite wisdom of the ages:
"How do you make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!"
<ducks to avoid flying fruit>
Feel better!
OK purplebear, I remembered a joke for you. It’s a little off colored but here goes:
A farmer decided he wanted to raise hogs, so he bought some breeding stock and waited for nature to take its course. But all the pigs would do was lie around the pigpen. So the farmer goes to the vet to ask what may be wrong. The vet tells him if the pigs won’t get it on naturally he may have to resort to artificial insemination. The farmer is too embarassed to say he doesn’t know what it is, so he leaves. Finally he decides that maybe AI means HE has to “service” the pigs. So he loads them up in his truck, takes them to a wooded area where he will not be observed, and does his duty. But STILL all the pigs wil do is lie around the pen. So he thinks maybe a second dose is required, and repeats the procedure. ONe day his wife is coming home from the store and he hollers at her “Honey, are the pigs still just lying around in the pen?” “No” she replies, “but they just got in the truck and are honking the horn!”
Well, I hope it doesn’t hurt to gag anyway. Keep us posted.
Mr. Bear said:
Well, that about erases any lingering doubt. She is in the hospital!
Get well soon, purp: if only to put this sad ‘soild food’ episode behind you for good!
The top five bear jokes in the RHF archive
How to tell the species of bear you are looking at: Go over to him, and kick him in the behind. Run up a nearby tree. If he climbs the tree and eats you, he’s a black bear. If he knocks the tree down and eats you, he’s a grizzly.
The following letter to the editor appeared in the Boston Globe this week:
Bear Hug
In a recent column Susan Trausch [Globe columnist] referred to Smokey the Bear. It is true that Smokey the Bear deserves praise for his campaign against forest fires. But nobody ever mentions the boy scouts he kills for their hats.
(signed) Martin H. Slobodkin, Cambridge
Two men are hiking in the mountains. One suddenly stops, removes his hiking boots, and starts putting on sneakers. The other asks why he is doing that.
The first man answers, “I thought I heard a bear.”
The second argues, “You can’t outrun a bear, not even with sneakers.”
The first responds, “I just need to outrun YOU!”
Some years ago my son and his friend were playing an
early Adventure on a TRS-80. The jewels to be collected
were in a throne room at the edge of a cliff and the
room was guarded by a bear. Using all the various tools,
weapons, and spells at their command they were unable to
get rid of the bear.
This went on for some 20 minutes or so. Finally in
frustration they entered: “Fuck bear!”
The program’s response was: “Bear is so startled it falls
off cliff.”
A mama polar bear is out in the stream fishing, while her son is playing on the bank. After awhile, the baby polar bear comes over to his mother and says, “Mom, what kind of bear am I?,” to which she replys, “You’re a polar bear, son.” “Okay,” he says and returns to the bank to play. In a little while he comes back over and says, “Mom, what kind of bear am I?” “Why, you’re a polar bear, son.” “Hmmm…,” say the baby, “okay.” And off he goes to play. A little more time goes by and the baby polar bear comes back and says, “Mom, are sure I’m a polar bear?” “Yes,” the mama polar bear replies, “I’m sure you’re a polar bear. Why don’t you believe me?” “'Cause I’m cold!” exclaims the baby bear.
Hope you’re feeling better soon.
Well it’s been almost 24 hours and no fever! If all goes well PurpleBear should be break out of the hospital today! She is talking now that even if things don’t go well she is going to break out for a little while anyway, she really hates being couped up like this!
Thanks everyone for the jokes, I will be printing them again and taking them in to her. Hopefuly this will be my last update and PurpleBear will do the next update.
Purplebear is sick? That’s no good. Get better, Purplebear. [commanding tone] I heal You! [/commanding tone] Now you have to get better. 