The other day I had to go to Target. I needed a tube for my bike tire (or “tyre” if you prefer) because it was flat. It didn’t have a hole in it or anything, the air just kept oozing out the valve stem. This is really not what you usually look for in a bike tire (again, or “tyre” if that is your preference) tube, so I went in search of a new one. Of course I had to search for it. You don’t think just anyone would carry the oddball sized bike tube I need, do you? (Hint: They don’t.)
My first stop was Target. Target usually has just about anything I want. And there’s a store right near my house. So I went there first. Walking up to the front entrance there was a lady a bit in front of me. She went striding purposefully up to the door and walked right into it. She actually bounced off it a little. She backed up a little and looked around in confusion. Well, you’d think she’d know how to walk into a store to go buy stuff. It’s not that hard. I mean, I can do it. Undaunted she tried the door again. Maybe she’d just lost some weight and the automatic door sensor thing just didn’t pick up the new, svelte her. Nope. The door still didn’t open for her.
See, the biggest problem was there are two doors to walk in Target. One is the Automatic Door which opens itself when you walk up to it. The other door is more an Aerobic Door which you have to actually push with your own little hand to get into the store to do your shopping. This lady here picked the Aerobic door thinking it was the Automatic Door. Banging off the glass didn’t clue her in.
After her ingress was thwarted a second time by the recalcitrant non-Automatic Door she looked around again in befuddlement. There was a door in front of her that would not let her into the store! What should she do? She decided to try the other door that was right next to her. Backing out of the lane dividers between the doors and going over to the Automatic Door made more sense to her than just reaching out her own little hand and giving the Aerobic Door a push and then going on with her day. I saw all that and just had to laugh out loud. She heard me laugh at her and she looked at me and just glared. It didn’t stop me from laughing at her door plight. I didn’t even feel bad about it. When I went into Target, I used the Aerobic Door myself. It’s just something I do.
As it happened Target did not stock the bike tire (or “tyre”) tube I needed. I have to admit I was less than shocked. Since my bike is not a mountain type bike, which the mountain type bikes is pretty much all anyone sells anymore, I was just hoping against hope I could find a non-mountain type tire (or “tyre”) tube. Nope, not gonna happen today my friends. But just as I remain unstymied in the face of a nonAutomatic Door, I wasn’t going to give at my first setback in my quest for a bike tire (“tyre”) tube (or “toob”). I figured I’d try the lame-assed sporting goods store not too far away. Guess what! The lame-assed sporting goods store not too far away, even though they had a fairly wide selection of bicycles, did NOT have the tyre toob I was looking for. The bastards.
My last-ditch reserve option was Wal-Mart. If you know me, you know how it grates on me to even go into Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart is to Me as Bane is to Existence. But there was a chance they’d have the toob I needed for my bike. I mean, if I couldn’t fix my tyre (or “tire”) I’d have to go back to Target where this all started (actually it started in my garage where I tried to pump up my bike tire (or “tahr” if you’re Southern) and I discovered my predicament) and just by myself a brand spankin’ new bike. As the Fates decreed, Wal-Mart (hated Wal-Mart!) had the object of my search. So I bought up one. Actually I bought up two, in case my other wheel decided to go South on me. I was prepared!
Now it’s time to change out the tube. I got down my bucket of bike stuff to get the little tire taker-offers I have and moved the box of bike tube out of the way… Aaaaaargh! I HAD the tube I needed all along! Right in the bucket of bike stuff I have! (The bucket has an old set of rat-trap pedals, some training wheels, the tire taker-offer things, an all-purpose bike tool that I don’t know what it does, a dumbbell looking thing that works on all different sized nuts, some Allen wrenches (or course- Allen wrenches turn up EVERYWHERE!), a little bent piece of wire thingy that’s supposed to help me tighten my brakes if I knew how it worked and didn’t just use Vice-Grips and another pliers, a bunch of odd valve stem caps, a bracket for a water bottle, and a dead mouse.) Well, I wasn’t going to let my Search be for naught, so I used one of the NEW tubes on my bike. Now I have two tubes in my bike bucket that I can forget about until after I get a couple of new tubes for my next flat tyre.
Maybe next time I’ll just plunk down fifty clams at Target and just get a new bike. It was pretty. It was green.
-Rue.