Pushing a Door Open Is for Saps

The other day I had to go to Target. I needed a tube for my bike tire (or “tyre” if you prefer) because it was flat. It didn’t have a hole in it or anything, the air just kept oozing out the valve stem. This is really not what you usually look for in a bike tire (again, or “tyre” if that is your preference) tube, so I went in search of a new one. Of course I had to search for it. You don’t think just anyone would carry the oddball sized bike tube I need, do you? (Hint: They don’t.)

My first stop was Target. Target usually has just about anything I want. And there’s a store right near my house. So I went there first. Walking up to the front entrance there was a lady a bit in front of me. She went striding purposefully up to the door and walked right into it. She actually bounced off it a little. She backed up a little and looked around in confusion. Well, you’d think she’d know how to walk into a store to go buy stuff. It’s not that hard. I mean, I can do it. Undaunted she tried the door again. Maybe she’d just lost some weight and the automatic door sensor thing just didn’t pick up the new, svelte her. Nope. The door still didn’t open for her.

See, the biggest problem was there are two doors to walk in Target. One is the Automatic Door which opens itself when you walk up to it. The other door is more an Aerobic Door which you have to actually push with your own little hand to get into the store to do your shopping. This lady here picked the Aerobic door thinking it was the Automatic Door. Banging off the glass didn’t clue her in.

After her ingress was thwarted a second time by the recalcitrant non-Automatic Door she looked around again in befuddlement. There was a door in front of her that would not let her into the store! What should she do? She decided to try the other door that was right next to her. Backing out of the lane dividers between the doors and going over to the Automatic Door made more sense to her than just reaching out her own little hand and giving the Aerobic Door a push and then going on with her day. I saw all that and just had to laugh out loud. She heard me laugh at her and she looked at me and just glared. It didn’t stop me from laughing at her door plight. I didn’t even feel bad about it. When I went into Target, I used the Aerobic Door myself. It’s just something I do.

As it happened Target did not stock the bike tire (or “tyre”) tube I needed. I have to admit I was less than shocked. Since my bike is not a mountain type bike, which the mountain type bikes is pretty much all anyone sells anymore, I was just hoping against hope I could find a non-mountain type tire (or “tyre”) tube. Nope, not gonna happen today my friends. But just as I remain unstymied in the face of a nonAutomatic Door, I wasn’t going to give at my first setback in my quest for a bike tire (“tyre”) tube (or “toob”). I figured I’d try the lame-assed sporting goods store not too far away. Guess what! The lame-assed sporting goods store not too far away, even though they had a fairly wide selection of bicycles, did NOT have the tyre toob I was looking for. The bastards.

My last-ditch reserve option was Wal-Mart. If you know me, you know how it grates on me to even go into Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart is to Me as Bane is to Existence. But there was a chance they’d have the toob I needed for my bike. I mean, if I couldn’t fix my tyre (or “tire”) I’d have to go back to Target where this all started (actually it started in my garage where I tried to pump up my bike tire (or “tahr” if you’re Southern) and I discovered my predicament) and just by myself a brand spankin’ new bike. As the Fates decreed, Wal-Mart (hated Wal-Mart!) had the object of my search. So I bought up one. Actually I bought up two, in case my other wheel decided to go South on me. I was prepared!

Now it’s time to change out the tube. I got down my bucket of bike stuff to get the little tire taker-offers I have and moved the box of bike tube out of the way… Aaaaaargh! I HAD the tube I needed all along! Right in the bucket of bike stuff I have! (The bucket has an old set of rat-trap pedals, some training wheels, the tire taker-offer things, an all-purpose bike tool that I don’t know what it does, a dumbbell looking thing that works on all different sized nuts, some Allen wrenches (or course- Allen wrenches turn up EVERYWHERE!), a little bent piece of wire thingy that’s supposed to help me tighten my brakes if I knew how it worked and didn’t just use Vice-Grips and another pliers, a bunch of odd valve stem caps, a bracket for a water bottle, and a dead mouse.) Well, I wasn’t going to let my Search be for naught, so I used one of the NEW tubes on my bike. Now I have two tubes in my bike bucket that I can forget about until after I get a couple of new tubes for my next flat tyre.

Maybe next time I’ll just plunk down fifty clams at Target and just get a new bike. It was pretty. It was green.

I think it’s funny when people try to go in the “Out” door. I see that all the time at the grocery store. They walk up to the Exit door, and of course it doesn’t open for them, and they stand there for a moment, looking confused. Then I come along, exiting the store (through the “Out” door) and the door swings out, nearly knocking them over, and they look at me like I did something wrong. Morons.

Oh, and I have a blue bike. It’s new. I need to ride it, to get my fat ass in shape. I’ve been riding my exercise bike in the basement, but now I that I can fit into shorts again without scaring small children, I’m allowed to ride out in public.

I went to a Target just yesterday and had a similar Door experience.

I have NEVER understood why Target, and only Target, has two sets of doors, one auto & one not. I cannot think of any other store I’ve encountered anywhere in the world which has both auto and non-auto doors right side by side. But every entrance to every Target I’ve ever seen has a set of each.

In the old days when the door sensor was a large black rubber mat, it was easy to tell what sort of door you were approaching. Now that the sensor is a small box ususally mounted on the door header, it may or may not be visible at all until you’re right at the door.

So why does Target do this? I have no idea. Does anyone else?

Just who is this Allen guy and why does he feel compelled to make so dang many of those little wrenches is what I wanna know. I have a little tool box (actually it’s more of a little fish tackle box) full of em. What’s even weirder (wierder?) is I feel compelled to save all those little wrenches that Allen keeps making.

I don’t have a bucket of bicycle stuff (I don’t have a bike either which is probably the reason why I don’t have a bucket of stuff for it). I do have a bucket of pool stuff. I have little repair kits for floats (it’s still easier to just throw a leaky float away unless it’s an expensive one. I fix the expensive ones), a battery powered air pump, a manual air pump and different size nozzles for the pumps in the bucket. I also have an electric air pump but it’s too big for the bucket so it has it’s own box to live in. I put a patch on a float Saturday morning. I had to cause it was leaky.

Rue I know green is a manly man color but don’t you think a flashy red bike would be cooler? You could put a bell on it, some streamers on the handlebars, and a little basket on the front and back. All the pointing and laughing the neighbors would be doing wouldn’t be to make fun of you. They’d be pointing and laughing because seeing you on your red bike with little bell and streamers on the handlebars and baskets on the front and back would make em happy all over.

That’s all I got for right now.

I heard the green bykes are not very trustworthy.

I lyke Target too. It’s just that Wal-Mart has more stuff, if that’s what you’re into.

What is the moral of your story, Rue? Look before you leap?

The last time I needed printer ink, I discovered it was cheaper to just buy a new printer.

No, no- lavender with pink streamers! All your neighbours will think you’re the coolest guy ever!

I’m not sure I can be funny or even sort of amusing this morning. Too sleepy. I read a wonderful collection of short stories yesterday, Ursula K. Le Guin’s The Birthday Of The World. Highly recommended if you’re into thoughful science fiction.

In exactly a week I will have a bedroom door between me and the cats at night.

Well, hijack, but IME that doesn’t help. They just learn to scratch on the door and keep you awake until you cave and open the damn door.


I went to Target and Wal-Mart this weekend, too. Bought stuff for the beach trip this week. I didn’t see anyone walk into any doors though. I’ve wondered why Target has one auto-open door and one manual door. You think it’s cuz it’s cost prohibitive to have two automatic ones? Sheesh! ALL grocery stores have at least TWO automatic doors. I’d be interested to find out the reasoning. :confused:

My triceps are sooooooooooo sore today!!! I played water volleyball at a pool party Sunday, and man-o-man do they hurt. That’s great excercise for those muscles for sure. I also threw some 'shoes. I got a ringer and a leaner in one turn!!! Woo Hoo! Guess all those years of pitching softball paid off.

You want a moral, Gorgo? Who do you think I am?

I wouldn’t want the streamers on my bike, no matter how danged festive they are. I’m afraid they’d tickle my knees when I ride and I’d think it was some bug and freak out and crash into a telephone pole. That would suck. And wouldn’t the front basket muffle my horn? Wouldn’t want that either. I’m thinking the rack on the back would be a good idea. Then I could hang baskets off either side. The kind that pop on and off the rack. And a big orange flag, for safety. I could really trick out my bike if I really wanted to. I just don’t feel like it.

We didn’t play Horseshoes this weekend, but we did play Cornhole which is just like it. Only instead of horseshoes, we use beanbags full of dried corn. That would make them cornbags instead of beanbags, but whatchagonna do? And instead of stakes in the ground, we had a 2’ x 4’ board set on a slant (with little legs) with a hole in it on the top end. So really, it was nothing like Horseshoes other than you throw something at a target. And the name makes you go “heh heh” if you have an inner 14 year old boy.

You’ll just have to tell the cats that if they keep it up, - out come the claws.
Although even without their little claws the dampened clawing sounds they make with their little paw pads can keep you awake at night. Cats don`t have claws, they have nails right?

Earthpuppy, Try moving a 12 foot by 16 foot garden and then tell me how much your little muscles hurt. By moving, I mean relocating. Not like lifting.
That was my weekend. Re-locate the entire garden from the middle of the back yard to the spot closer to the house between the pear and the apple trees.
Oh yeah, did I mention I had to relocate 30 some Raspberry plants (to a different part of the yard along the fence, not the new garden part)? Oh, and the area where the new garden went had a mature lawn right where the wife wanted it? And that the sod had to be cut and lifted from the new garden spot to the old garden spot by hand as to look like there was never an old garden there ever before?
Did I mention that?
Sore muscles…

Saturday and Sunday afternoon, we worked on what we think should be a new olympic competition. We named it Synchronized Pool Floating. There are details to work out but it seems to have possibilities. One thing we have to decide is what constitutes a regulation float. There was considerable debate on this. I still say my foam rubbery float (which doesn’t have to be blown up) should be the regulation float. Other details to be ironed out include the rating system for float mount and dismount. The problem with this is we couldn’t decide if you should get more or less points for biggest splash. Some are holding out for higher ratings for least amount of splash. I say it’s a water sport so splashing should be big. The synchronizing part needs lots of work. It’s hard to get six people on floats in a circle so we can all join hands and float as one. Still I believe it will be worth all the effort in the end when it becomes an official Olympic sport. We shall continue our efforts throughout the summer. Why, yes, we were drinking. Why do you ask? :smiley:

We’re also working on perfecting the underwater Egyptian walk. Why, yes, were playing cds and one of the cds was by The Bangles. Why do you ask? :smiley: Oh and there was one really bizarre routine that included lip synching to Grace Jones’ “I Need A Man” on Sunday, but yours truly did not participate. I was spending my time much more productively by working on perfecting Synchronized Pool Floating and underwater Egyptian walking. Some of us take the important things in life seriously.

Many ants were also peed on this weekend.

-swampbear (Walk Like An Egyptian)

I have a declawed cat and she reaches up and rattles the doorknob. One of these days she’s gonna figure out how to actually twist it and open the damn door.

You wanna talk sore muscles? We just got a woodstove and have been collecting wood (Long boring story on how we’ve gotten so much wood). Anyway, we spent the weekend cutting and splitting and stacking massive amounts of wood. At least two cords’ worth. The backs of my thighs are KILLING me.
Which begs the question: Why the backs of my thighs? Why not my whole legs? Why not my arms? Why not my back?

Well, lemme see here…

I went to the horsey races…and lost on Saturday. That was after eating a big mexican lunch and drinking a big alky-holic drink and then taking a straight shot of tequila in the parking lot of the races (I know…you’d think we were kids or something).

Then we went with our friends (cause we were driving) to the motorcycle accessory store so they could purchase a helmet for wifey-poo. They have some really cool helmets at those stores.

Then we went home and vegged.

Sunday I went to Costco and spent too much money…again. :rolleyes: That evening we went to our friends (the friends that bought the helmet for wifey-poo) and played a game. It was fun. It was girls vs. guys and as per usual the GIRLS won. HAH!

Yesterday, I read TWO books (they were around 500 pages each). I haven’t been able to have a read-a-thon like that in ages and ages! So, I didn’t accomplish anything useful, but it was nice. I also made country style ribs and home fried taters (I didn’t have the fixin’s for tater salad).

Speaking of bikes…I have a nice blue bike. I haven’t ridden it in forever. Why, do they make the seats like that though? You know what I’m talking about. The insides of your butt cheeks feel like they’re bruised if you ride for any length of time. :o I dunno, maybe my ass is just too big (well, dropping 20 lbs wouldn’t hurt me); but even when I was thin this pain in the ass was common.

Swampy, your party sounded fun. Our friends don’t have as large a pool as yours, but we do handstands under the water and try to walk on our hands. I know, I know, but there is something about pools that just brings out the kid in ALL of us. Well, since you were playing 80s music, didja play the B52s Love Shack ? That sond just begs to be sung along (well in my case, "bellowed’) with.

I must face my work now…sigh. Oh, I get to go to the Mariners game at lovely Safeco Field. It would be NICE if they won…especially since I’m agonna be there and all. :slight_smile: :cool:

You people were way too active – yup, even you, swampy. The pinnacle of activity for me was drilling holes in my bedroom ceiling and inserting cup hooks, from which I then hung prisms on loops of monofilament. I was so taken by this that I went to the basement and dug out some Christmas lights and strung them along the hooks, in a funky sort of line that matches the funky arc of the prisms. At this point, I’ve got several options:

[li]Take the Christmas lights down. (They either look really cool or totally dorky, and I can’t tell which it is yet.)[/li][li]Go out and buy more hooks and more prisms and go the rest of the way around the room, with Christmas lights.[/li][li]Ditto, without Christmas lights.[/li][li]Declare the job done. (Heh. I think not.)[/li][li]Leave the lights on the prisms, but take down the string of lights with flamingos and palm trees that I have along the top of the bay window.[/li][/ul]
So is less more, or is more less, or is less less, or is more more? And which do I want, anyway?

BTW – Kohl’s also does the automatic/not automatic mix on doors. Is that where they have the button on a pillar for you to press if you want the door to open for you?

What I’m particularly happy about is that they’ll have a separate place to run around in at night. And it’s not the scratching so much as the **Mrrw! Mroowl! MRROW! ** talky cat thing that bothers me.

I’m going to clean and sort my desk contents. Yes I am. Yep.

The superintendent is supposed to come by to inspect for damages and stuff today. I hope i’m at work when he does.

And what’s up with the supermarkets that put the “in” doors on the LEFT? Do they think we’re in England, or something? I’m going to get hurt one of these days.

I tend to push on “pull” doors, usually glass doors with the word “push” on the other side. Sure, it says “pull” on my side. But I think it’s more fun for my brain to read the reverse writing on the other side and choose to focus on that.

Pushing the non-hinge end of a door in another goofiness I frustrate myself with. You’d think the shinier area would clue me in.

Gak. I have two glasses and a mug on my computer table, and I just took a sip from the wrong glass. It had a bit of milk from last night.

The place I work has doors that swing out from the center of the building. So if you walking towards the middle they are pull doors, but if you are leaving they are push doors. I always forget which way I’m going and re-enact the “Midvale School for the Gifted” comic from the Farside. That was a funny comic.

The mall near me also has doors that look like push doors but are actually pull doors. So I do the same thing there that I do at work. :smack:

I had a cookout at my house on Friday - chicken and Andouille sausage and lime Tostitos and honey-wheat pretzels. Saturday I played Tiger Woods golf on my PS/2 and went to dinner. Sunday I picked people up from the Newark, NJ airport - yeeech! Yesterday I went to a cookout after sleeping in and playing more video golf.

My bike is in fact red, but I haven’t ridden it since last summer at the beach. Which was nice. Maybe I will go home and get it ready to ride some more.

I was just at Target yesterday and wondered the same thing. I sent email off to Target customer service to see what’s up with that. Is it just me, or does everyone think Target is 1,000 times nicer than WalMart?