Quaint expressions you heard once or twice but use yourself regularly

In My Humble Opinion
201

There’s one I’ve picked up recently: “You can’t spray for that”.

Describing a problem that you couldn’t really be expected to prepare for, even if you were showing due diligence. As in, you can spray your plants for bugs. But if a crazy arsonist escapes from the local asylum and sets fire to your plants, well, you can’t spray for crazy arsonists. The Colossus of Rhodes was toppled in an earthquake, you say? Well, I guess you can’t really spray for earthquakes. The dinosaurs got wiped out by a giant asteroid? Well, you can’t spray for giant asteroids.

I have no idea where I got it from, but I’m pretty sure it’s from some media source, or podcast, or something. So if anyone has a clue, that would actually be appreciated.

Of course, I should really stop saying it, because no one knows what I mean unless I explain it. Then again, maybe it’ll catch on. I do quite like it.

Beyond that: I got a few from The Meaning of Liff, although the only one you’ll still hear me use with any regularity is probably “nice and kentucky”.

Which is actually another one that no one understands unless explained. Come to think of it, maybe I should just stop communicating with other people and just stick to talking to myself. At least I know what I’m talking about (mostly).

202

“That boy’s busier ‘n a cat coverin’ shit on a tin roof.”

“Feel like I been shot and missed and shit at and hit.”

“It’s hottern’ two rats f%®¢¥n’ in a wool sock.”

“It’s hottern’ a four-balled tomcat in a pepper patch.”

“It’s hottern’ the hinges of Hades.”

“It’s coldern’ a witch’s tit in a brass bra.”

[The biscuits/rolls/cookies, etc. are] “hardern’ Pharaoh’s heart.”

“I’m so hungry, I could eat the a$$ end out of a skunk.”

“He’s so old, he don’t buy green bananas.”

“That boys dumbern’ a bag o’ hammers.”

“He don’t lick that off the grass.” (Meaning he exhibits the traits associated with his family.) Has ANYONE heard this one besides me?

203

A good one for describing a particularly bad hangover is feeling like “the flat side of hammered dogshit”.

A favorite from my Navy days, describing anyone that is inept at their task as being “as fucked up as a soup sandwich”

204

Many of these may have been way more than heard “once or twice” by me but that hasn’t seemed to have stopped this thread.

To start, I am motu,” master of the universe”. I thought that up all by my lonesome, based on a Hawkwind song (who probably were already abbreviating that way). I think He-Manfans were using that abbreviation before I ever did also. I like to use it when telemarketers at work ask for my job title.

I’ve always used Gleason’s Homina Homina Homina.

I’ve used Cool Beans for decades, no sure where I got it. Same with Brohim (broheem?), not sure where I got it but was using in in the 90’s.

Two “Mom-ism”s, the first ,very family friendly, “Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig”. The second very not safe for the family "If you’re gonna fuck me, at least give me a kiss”

From a high school teacher/priest, I picked up “God Bless”. It seemed a good idea to balance all the GDs with some GBs, just in case.

I appropriated my high school geometry teacher’s “Contrary to popular sophomore belief, ….”

Some perjoratives from pro rasslin’, “Egg Suckin’ Dog” – Terry Funk and “Melon Farmer” – Dick Murdoch

I have a bad habit of talking to myself, even in public. I picked up “Mooncalf” from another forum and combined it with “Tail Dragger” for “Tail Draggin’ Mooncalf”. A fine way to insult someone while mumbling to yourself. Even if they hear you, they would more likely be confused than offended.

I got Ginchy from somewhere on the internet.

At work we use, Grok. As in, I took that thing apart twice but I can’t Grok what is wrong with it. Or, I cannot Grok what he sees in her.

Uter’s “Don’t make me run, I’m full of chocolate” is used often at work.

Another work-ism is the imitation/parody of an acquaintance who does not work for us but is well known by most of the company, a cry of anguish or frustration, gutterally pronounced: “DaaaaaFuukkkkk!”

Words I have learned to live my life by and damn does Life teach me this lesson again and again, “Stupidity always has a price”.

205

Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land…just in case the source was unknown.

206

I have heard the word “squiffy” exactly once in my life, used by a Brit to characterize some less palatable areas of Rochester, NY. I use the term all the time now, usually to denote something a little off or undesirable, such as a restaurant that might have trouble with it’s next health department inspection. I understand that may not be the standard usage.

207

Ignorance fought.

I also picked up droogie and ultraviolent from A Clockwork Orange. And “Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink” from Monty Python.

208

I’m a ‘grok’ user, too. I use it so often I’d forgotten I haven’t always known it.

209

My granddad was a brakeman on the Frisco rail line, and a colorful fellow. He had a lot of quaint sayings. Here are a couple of my favorites.

To describe torrential rain: “It was raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock”.
Busy: “Busier than a one legged cat trying to take a shit on the ice.”

210

For someone who keeps talking and never listens: “He’s got diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the ears.”

211

Lately: “As one does.”

Used for activities that sound abnormal.

“We were making numbers out of plastic food…”
“…As one does.”

“I attached the antenna to my sea slug…”
“…As one does.”

“I was sorting through my octopuses…”
“…As one does.”

I’m silly and we have a toddler, so activities get pretty outlandish in this family.

212

I think I heard this in Good Morning Vietnam: “Lower than a snakes ass in a wagon rut.”
And from a cartoon bit on Sesame Street (with a snake): “Let’s scratch gravel and mosey.”